


Quisling: Erwin x Reader

by PearlDrops



Series: Quisling: Erwin x Reader [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 1930s, 1940s, Action & Romance, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Fusion, Alternate Universe - World War II, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Drama, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad Decisions, Betrayal, Character Death, Character Development, Child Death, Childbirth, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Confessions, Consensual Non-Consent, Conversations, Cooking, Coping, Covert Operation, Decisions, Declarations Of Love, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Desire, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Difficult Decisions, Doctor/Patient, Dominant Erwin Smith, Doubt, Drama, Drama & Romance, Dreams, Dubious Morality, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Escape, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family History, Fear of Discovery, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, France (Country), Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Historical, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Home Invasion, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Killing, Letters, Lies, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Love at First Sight, Love/Hate, Loving Marriage, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Married Life, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Memory Loss, Mildly Dubious Consent, Military Uniforms, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Minor Character Death, Modern Era, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Moral Ambiguity, Murder, Nazis, Near Death Experiences, Nurses, Nurses & Nursing, Playing Doctor, Prisoner of War, Propaganda, Propositions, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, References to Depression, Secret Identity, Secrets, Self-Denial, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Self-Reflection, Situational Humiliation, Slow Romance, Soldiers, Spies & Secret Agents, Subterfuge, Tragedy, Trapped, Treachery, True Love, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Uniforms, Unrequited Love, Verbal Humiliation, War, Widowed, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-01 14:05:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 65,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15144728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlDrops/pseuds/PearlDrops
Summary: In 1939 the world held its breath.By the September, war was declared.In France, bordered by Germany, the threat is literally on their doorstep, and so they all prepare for the worst. Yet nothing could have prepared her for what came crashing into her home and into her life. Thrust into a war of not only countries but minds and hearts, she does what she must to survive





	1. Oh, little light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year is 1939 and Europe is on the brink of another war.
> 
> The enemy is not only within their borders, but at her door. Between loss, love, lies & lust the war rapidly becomes a personal one.
> 
> With misleading words, deceptive actions, and turncoats in their ranks, she is ensnared in a fight that extends beyond their countries.
> 
> Not everything is as it seems, and not everyone is who they say they are.

__

 

 

Staring across the desolate farmland {Name} struck the match to light the tip of the crumpled roll up, blowing on the flame to snuff it out when her mouth filled with the bitter tasting fog.

{Name} knew from the days of the trenches, never to light more than one cigarette with a match. The deep gouge of missing flesh beside {Name}'s left temple served as a potent reminder of that.

Dazed and confused from a close to home shelling {Name} had wandered into a field. Coated in dust and blood, she'd fallen into a trench.

Too stunned to move {Name} had laid in the mud, blood and excrement for what felt like hours, but in truth what had been only a few short minutes.

The dulled tread of a boot on a hand startled {Name} into moving, and in turn, brought a gun muzzle to be pointed between the eyes.

It must have been overwhelming for the then five-year-old {Name}, as she could not recall the events between the moment of her discovery, to the moment the bullet ricochet off Private Tommy's helmet and lodged itself in her skull.

All that {Name} did know, was not to use the same match more than once when lighting roll-ups.

Uncrossing her legs {Name}'s boots crunched against the freshly laid snow, toxic smoke intermingling with her chilled breath it temporarily blocked her view of the dead fields.

Overhead the low droning of the distant bomber planes grew louder and more fierce in their approach.

A hand cupping both eyes to block out the low winter sun {Name} bit tighter on the roll-ups tip.

Up above the flying mechanisms of destruction, were not those of her homeland.

Which begged the question, of just how far the Germans had pushed over their borders.

_"{Name}, please come back inside."_

A weak breathy voice called across the whitewashed field, bringing {Name}'s hands back down against her side, a hand paused to take the roll-up from between her lips.

The paper sticking against the dry skin, a sting of pain came when it was pulled away.

Running her tongue over the small welt {Name} pushed off the barrel, boots crunching over the snow she walked with caution around the barn.

It was only then {Name} realised how bold the colour of the barn was, bright red it contrasted sharply with the crisp white floor.

It could be spotted for miles.

Throwing away the roll-up {Name} pushed past the barn, the concern of it being almost like a beacon forgotten at the sight of the man slumped against the gate of the now empty horse field.

Breaking out into a brisk jog {Name} bent to pick up the fallen crutch, a hand slipping beneath the outstretched arm {Name} gripped the small man's shoulder, her body moving to replace the crutch that had fallen from his grasp.

 _"Levi, you're going to kill yourself moving around like this!"_ Angry at Levi's insistence to leave the house when he was almost stood at death's door {Name} pulled him tight against her side.

The chill that ran up her body was not from the winters bitter bite but from Levi himself.

 _"I woke up, and you were gone."_ Weak and rasping, {Name} caught a faint edge in his voice, a slither of his old self breaking through.

With a pained smile, {Name} whispered an apology, her legs moving slowly so as not to exert Levi's worn and broken body.

Slowly Levi moved a shaking hand to rest over the one that {Name} had wrapped around his side, their fingers clicking together neatly. Levi managed a weak squeeze.

Tipping in toward Levi their heads knocked together lightly, a small smile breaking up Levi's pained pants _"I'm sorry."_

Hearing the quiet apology, {Name} sighed in response. Since Levi returned from the front line, he'd been a totally different man.

Possessing a timidness that {Name} never thought was possible of Levi.

It made {Name} wonder what he'd witnessed on the front lines, to change a strong and assertive man, into a quiet and suddenly dependent one.

Not once in their eight years of marriage, did Levi ever depend on {Name}, he was strong-willed and assertive.

Yet, since Levi came back home {Name} felt a heavy presence in her chest.

The shock of opening the door to find Levi hopping up the path on a set of crutches still lingered.

Each time {Name}'s eyes fell upon the stump that was left of Levi's right leg, her stomach somersaulted violently.

It was even more painful when they made eye contact, Levi's one remaining eye was cold, and haunted by the things he had witnessed.

Keeping them both balanced {Name} used a booted foot to kick open the small white gate, the snow gathered on the wooden ledges falling in clumps to join its cold family in their once bright and vibrant garden.

The path was hidden in the white blanket they moved slowly towards their old cottage, the windows frosting up slowly, {Name} eyed the icicles that crept down from the overlap of the roof.

Pausing on the paved doorstep {Name} removed the hand that held onto Levi's wrist, the cuff of her coat shook down to grip the cold metal of the door handle.

 _"You have nothing to be sorry for Levi,"_ Assuring him softly the feel of his cold lips brushing against her cheek relieved some of the weight in her chest, giving her heart a gentle flutter she'd not felt in a long time.

The soft strands of Levi's hair tickled against her cheek, the contact soothing _"I lov--!"_

Bodies stumbling forward, pushed by some unknown force {Name} barely managed to keep her footing, her shoulder hitting roughly against the wooden edging of the front door a hiss of pain leapt from her mouth.

Eyes creeping wide {Name} heard the distant bark of a gun, but it was too late.

The sound scratched violently at her ears, it felt like it had physically taken hold of her brain and rattled it, slamming it against the inside of her skull.

Everything fell silent.

A deathly quiet that filled {Name} painfully.

Something dark sprayed up the front door as the weight at {Name}'s side became heavier.

Holding tighter to Levi's hand, their fingers knotted when they fell, they were no longer seized up but fell slack.

"Levi?"

Whimpering {Name}'s jaw quivered, staring straight at the sullied door of their home she couldn't bring herself to look.

A sudden warmth spread across {Name}'s shoulder, seeping through the coat to heat her shoulder.

Body twitching {Name}'s knees buckled, unable to keep the dead weight at her side upright, they sunk into the doorstep.

Levi slumped forward in the descent, {Name}'s fingers numbly scrambling to keep a hold on his head, it fell with a dull thud against the door.

What was left of it, at least.

No longer able to tell the difference between hair, or the blood and brain matter {Name} shrunk back, frozen in place as Levi's limp body slid down the door to fall into a heap at the foot of their home.

Fingers reaching out {Name} didn't still when the crack of a gun being reloaded sounded from behind her shoulder.

The rough crunch of the snow did not instil fear like it should have, fingers still reaching they soon closed around a fistful of snow, and pebbles.

The orders given never even reached her ears, it was like they floated on past, evaporating into nothing just like the sharp bursts of smoke that left her mouth with each panting breath.

Hair whipping around her face {Name} twisted her neck, both eyes painfully open, they burned with the strain and the winter wind, but still, they did not blink.

Though partially obscured with the tears that slowly began to collect within them, she recognised the object pointed at her.

Once more, just like the day she'd stumbled into the trench {Name} was staring down the muzzle of a gun.

Though fate this time was not on her side, and she was not in the sanctuary of her allies.

Staring past the cold metal that had taken Levi's life with the same ease of extinguishing a flame {Name} met with the hard, and emotionally void gaze of the man brandishing a weapon.

Though his mouth was moving, {Name} could not hear what he was saying.

A loud buzzing had filled both ears, drowning out anything that tried to reach them.

Palm burning from how tightly {Name} gripped at the pebble dotted snow her fingers tightened their hold, the arm swinging out in the same instant the man swung the gun round, {Name} threw out the compacted snow as the man drove the gun downwards.

Like a strained band being snapped, {Name}'s body leapt into action.

The ice ball temporarily distracting the foreign soldier it was thrown hard enough to pop his nose, blood spilling her body rapidly lurched forward.

Using both shoulders {Name} slammed as hard as she could into the soldier, further staggering his movements he tumbled back.

A hand catching the calf of {Name}'s leg he almost brought her crashing down with him, a quick kick of the free leg given {Name} managed to break his hold.

The man's shouting alerted the other slowly approaching soldiers.

{Name} could see their grim, grey outlines against the flurry of snow.

Guns in hand, they shouted orders back and forth.

Tripping back across the garden of her home {Name} bent quickly to retrieve the soldiers gun, adrenaline pumping, her fight or flight instinct had made a sudden roundabout turn.

With a sparing glance at Levi, a sob was choked back, her feet soon pounding across the snow, she almost slipped as she tore around the corner of the cottage.

The sharp ring of a bullet narrowly missing her body, she felt the shards of brick hit against her cheek.

Fingers biting into the cold metal of the gun all {Name} could do was run, the shouts of the fast approaching enemy at her back fuelling her forward.

The vast stretching fields were wide open past the cottage.

The closest being the woods that made up the edge of the desolate farm, they were a considerable distance from her, and already her lungs were burning.

Still, even though her body was already tiring, she refused to bow down.

Veering sharply to her right {Name} managed to keep up her pace, the barks of the guns behind firing round after round, they sent up little snow blizzards as they hit upon the cold ground.

{Name} knew not to keep running in a straight line, and so, almost with a spring in her step, she gave a lurch to the left that narrowly took her out of the path of another bullet.

Surely, they'd have to give up.

{Name} was not worth anything, there was no information {Name} could offer, she had nothing to give them.

Though {Name} was under no illusion what they could potentially do, she was confident she'd turn the gun on herself, before they caught up with her.

Pushing harder forward {Name} could sense that one of her pursuers had closed their distance.

Their presence setting the hairs at the back of her neck on end {Name} was close to the woodland, just one more push of speed and she'd be able to lose them in the trees.

The sound of her pursuers boots across the snow almost crippled {Name}'s will, they were literally upon her.

In the last dash of hope {Name} suddenly twisted, body ducking to avoid the outstretched arms {Name} used the butt of the gun, bringing it down with as much force as her arms could manage it hit upon the soldiers, hip.

A sharp cry of pain sounding from the man he staggered away, the outstretched arms falling to hold the area she'd hit {Name} failed to see the second incoming soldier.

The soldier did not hold back as he slammed into {Name}'s side.

Elbow out it caught {Name}'s rib, the gun falling from her grasp the impact buckled her instantly, their bodies collapsing into the snow.

The cold substance would have been welcoming on her heated skin, if not for the man she was in a confused tangle of limbs with.

Legs kicking {Name} fought back as the man made to restrain her, his companion she'd recently butted scrambling across the snow to assist.

Slowly {Name}'s body tired, a forearm firmly pinning her chest, the man was practically laying on her to keep her still.

The burning of his breath running over her cheek {Name} felt the other man take a firm grip on her ankles, locking them down all she could do was give violent jolts of her body.

Barely able to turn her head {Name} felt her body go limp, with all the fight in her body bleeding out a strangled cry sounded her defeat.

Seeming to understand that she'd given up, the pressure on her chest was slowly removed, until eventually she was released.

Rolling onto her side {Name}'s arms wrapped around her quaking body, legs curling up {Name} buried her chin against her chest.

The trees that loomed above seemed to mock {Name}.

Taunting {Name} about how close she'd been to slip out of their clutches, her knowledge of the layout would have proved to be her greatest ally and would have worked against them.

Had {Name} of just pushed that bit harder, and not stopped, she would have been in their shadowy depths.

_"Fräulein?"_

Blinking laconically {Name} could only vaguely make out a voice, the blood rushing in her ears almost deafening.

It struck {Name} odd though, it sounded calm, a little short of breath, but gentle.

_"Fräulein!"_

Sounding far more peeved the second time, it made {Name}'s head turn.

There was no point in angering them, not when {Name} was at their mercy.

Almost blinded by the spots that danced across her vision {Name} could only just make out the black object that floated in front of her.

It took a few more blinks, and slowly its edges smoothed out to reveal a gloved hand.

_"Get up!"_

The order was given in a German-accented French.

It sounded funny to {Name}'s ears, but it was clearly understood.

Rolling onto her back {Name} unfurled both arms, ignoring the offered hand {Name} used the weak appendages to bring herself up.

Legs burning they made her stagger off to the side, limbs twitching with the unexpected exertion, her head swam with the sudden movement.

Expecting to be allowed to fall {Name} was startled by the arm that caught her.

Jolting back rapidly both arms flailed when the hand once more made a grab to keep her upright.

Reeled in rapidly to a chest, {Name}'s arms managed to raise, the backs pushing at the man to keep distance between their bodies, and allowing her room look at him.

After a few short seconds of trying to break out of his hold, {Name} stared defiantly up at the man.

_"Fräulein."_

The tone was warning enough, trying to discourage the small amount of fight she'd managed to muster, though {Name} still pressed hard against the man.

 _"I suggest you comply,"_ pushing back against her the man lowered his head until their faces were pressed nose to nose, his face hidden beneath both helmet and some kind of fabric mask _"Unless you want a bullet in your chest?"_

Sounding out the threat as a question, like {Name} actually had an option the man finally managed to get a firm grip on the back of her coat.

The fabric pulled tight it effectively restricted {Name}'s movements.

Swallowing, {Name}'s arms relaxed.

Reminding herself that {Name} was now at their mercy, a deep inhale dispelled her want to fight back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the art is definitely not mine. so credit to the artist, of course!


	2. I should be crying, but I can't let it show

With a hand between the shoulder blades giving {Name} a push of encouragement, they walked back towards the cottage she'd not long fled. 

Movements slow and sluggish {Name} tripped over her own feet, the burning in both calves and thighs making them stiff and difficult to direct. Catching herself before falling altogether {Name} shrugged off the aid of one of the soldiers, a quick correction of her stance {Name} was able to move a little more fluidly across the cut up snow. 

Sliding eyes left and right {Name} noted the German soldiers loosely flanked her, but still kept some distance from her. Following behind was the soldier she'd struck, and the one who'd grappled with her. None of them moved to stand in front, keeping the area wide open with plenty of space for {Name} to move. It was almost like they were testing her, to see if {Name} would try and take off a second time. 

If not for the blurred outlines that moved around the garden of her home, and that she was certain this time that they wouldn't miss if they opened fire, {Name} would have made a second attempt to break free.

Nerves getting the better of {Name}, both feet stumbled like that of a newborn foal. Unsteady, and being weighed down by a refreshed fear {Name} tried to ignore the burning sensation that spread down her thighs, seeping down until it reached the tips of her toes. Coupled up with the icy bite of winter her skin felt as though it was burning from the inside and out. 

Tripping clumsily once more {Name} failed to break her fall, tumbling down into the cut up snow the icy particles bit into both her cheek and palms. Laying still {Name} hoped that the men would leave, and let {Name} freeze to death in the fields. 

The small hope dashed when a sharp tap of a boot urged {Name} up. 

Digging in against the ribs {Name} was confident that she could ignore it, pretend that she'd passed out and wait for them to grow bored of her antics and abandon her. 

Again, the slither of hope was dashed when a pair of arms scooped under her own. No longer allowed to play dead {Name}'s feet moved to assist the soldier picking her up. 

Dazed and quite confused {Name} stared at the soldier limping behind them, the rifle she'd struck him with bouncing side to side with each hopped step, his eyes bore into her own from beneath his helmet. There was no doubt in {Name}'s mind that he was not going to forget what she'd done. 

For the time being, it was not a pressing matter, to be consumed by the idea the german she'd struck down with a gun would hold a grudge was not to most concerning part of this turn of events. 

Picked up, and thrown over the shoulder of the taller male who only a few short minutes previous threatened to put a bullet in her chest, {Name}'s fingers clawed at the back of his dirty grey coat. Trapped in place by a strong arm, all {Name} could do was wriggle her shoulders, and swing both legs. 

A devious thought birthed in {Name}, the tip of the right boot lingering dangerously close to the German soldier's groin it twitched nervously. Eyes still locked with the limping man behind them {Name}'s fingers seized tighter to the rough fabric of the man's coat when his arm tightened on her.

_"The invitation for a bullet to the chest is still open."_ head tilted to cast a warning look at {Name}, she could just about make out the man's eyes beneath the flop of his sandy brown hair. From the nose down his face remained covered by a cloth face mask, leaving only his eyes exposed. 

Facing away from the intrusive and somewhat malignant stare {Name} relaxed her right foot. The bastard be damned, he'd cottoned on to {Name}'s intentions. 

Once more deflated, defeated and feeling at a loss {Name} resigned herself to being a willing passenger on the man's shoulders. Under the watch of the limping man {Name} turned away, eyes scouring the now distant tree line she tried to imagine what she would have done if she'd reached them. 

Remaining still {Name} twisted a hand into the back of the Germans coat to further secure her.  {Name} was not naive enough to believe that the man was going to set her down nice and gently once they reached their destination, he'd already made a second threat to put an end to her now miserable existence. 

An offer, that with each step he took, became more and more appealing. 

In time, they stopped, the hand gripping tighter to the coat {Name} felt some small relief when the soldier crouched until her boots met with the snow that littered the ground. Hands numb and close to locked in a clawed stance in the soldier's coat, {Name} felt a small wave of humiliation for the time it took to let the German go.

Stumbling back {Name} wriggled her fingers, gently coaxing them out of their claw-like positions {Name}'s head snapped up when  the soldiers shrugged the rifles from their shoulders. 

As if they'd have any hope to act as a shield {Name}'s hands raised, the palms exposed in a silent gesture for them to either lower their weapons or reconsider what they were about to do. 

Without a single word spoken, {Name}'s chest ached in anticipation. 

The soldier who'd carried {Name} was the first to move, gun pointed down, but not exactly away from her body {Name} felt her stomach constrict painfully. 

With a hand falling away from the grip of the rifle the soldier's hand stretched out towards {Name}. 

Trying to swallow down the bile coursing steadily up the throat {Name}'s eyes scrunched tightly. Heart palpitating in her chest, it sent blood thundering through her ears, leaving {Name} almost deaf, and allowing her to miss the sharp knocking of wood.

_ "Inside Fraulein."  _

Again speaking in the thick German-accented French {Name}'s eyes popped open in surprise. Turning slowly {Name} found herself stood beside the back door of the cottage, the old chipped paint of the door showing its age and {Name}'s lack of upkeep it acted as a temporary distraction. It let {Name}'s mind drift away from the horror's her imagination was trying to concoct. 

Though {Name}'s annoyance at her slacking on the maintenance of the backdoor was pulled apart at the seams, shredding the safety blanket it had created when her fear and uncertainty sunk its claws back in at the exact moment a hand pushed at {Name}'s shoulder. 

Confused {Name} could only oblige their order to enter the cottage, moving somewhat mechanically she even went to slip off her snow logged boots. 

That was until a hand gripped tightly at her coat, pulling {Name} through the spacious kitchen and into the short corridor. With a rough shove {Name} tripped on the flipped over corner of the old rug of her living room, breath seizing in an instant when {Name} found the living room was far from empty. 

The cosy room felt cramped by their presence, there was far too many of them squeezed into the little room. From wall to wall all {Name} could make out was the malignant grey uniforms of the German soldiers, broken up with a splash of colour from their varying hair colours.

Angered by the lack of propriety {Name} nearly forgot the situation that she was in, this was not the time to put into practice social etiquette. These men were soldiers, not well to do gentleman, they were walking and talking beings trained to kill. 

They were not taught to act accordingly, in their enemies home. 

Mouth opening, it snapped closed when a ragged wet breath tickled against her ears. 

Acting almost on instinct {Name} turned without direction to its source. 

In the corner of the room, and being propped up by one of his comrades a man stood. 

Stood being a loose term to describe his posture, the man was heavily reliant on the person beside him to keep him upright. Eyes levelling to the man's quivering lips {Name}'s mouth pursed tightly at the sight. A deep crimson, an almost purple river flowed without restraint from his chapped lips, the cupids bow tinged blue, it was not from the cold. 

Assessing the man's condition quietly {Name}'s eyes lowered to find the source of the blood flowing without restraint from the man's panting mouth. Four patches of torn and frayed cloth signalled the entry points of the bullets, two sitting on his chest, one in his upper right arm, and the last one had torn through his abdomen. 

The soldier was a walking corpse, he had a few hours at most.

Glancing past the wounded soldier {Name} shock of the soldier's presence dissipated, even the mild concern for the man dying in the corner of her living room was thrown angrily to the side when {Name}'s eyes landed on one figure in particular. 

Fingers curling tightly into the palms {Name} welcomed the painful pinch of her nails, squeezing them as tight as her body and mind allowed to restrain her unwelcome anger at the man calmly poking a few recently lit logs in the fireplace. Residing in the armchair that was once Levi's, like it was his own the man did not bristle at the tempestuous gaze {Name} was levelling toward him.

From his profile {Name} could see he wore a calm and well-collected smile, one arm propped on the rest of the armchair, the fingers stretched out to create a rest for his chin. 

_ "You're a nurse Fraulein."  _

Startled by the coolness of the man's tone, let alone the knowledge of her profession all {Name} could do was nod slowly. 

_"I can tell you've already given Franz a visual inspection,"_ replacing the poker to its stand the man relaxed back in Levi's chair, the hand that once propped up his strong chin falling to grip the arm, his head tilted _"Can you help him?"_

Turning to face {Name} in the exact moment the question was asked, her breath left in a shocked gasp. 

Bright and crystal clear blue eyes bore into her own. 

Though the man's visage was playing the part of a concerned comrade, his eyes were telling {Name} that he would know if she dared to lie to him. 

Using the tip of her tongue to wet her dry lips {Name} looked over to the man in question. 

If {Name} was quick, and assisted by one of the soldiers, his chances of surviving were not high, but he'd have a slim shot at remaining with the living. 

_"It's a small chance, but at the very least I could make him comfortable,"_ answering quietly {Name} was regrettably impressed that they all appeared to understand her "I don't have the proper equipment for performing surgery. He will have to stay conscious." Admitting to the grave matter that she was not exactly at a hospital, and so her medical supplies were limited the man's lips twitched at the corners, almost a smile, but not quite.

With a slow nod, the man in Levi's chair gave a waving gesture of his hand, a silent prompt to proceed. 

Nodding reluctantly {Name} turned to the man and his comrade, gesturing to take him to the kitchen she then turned to the soldier beside the door. 

Grey coat stained {Name} recognised him instantly, he was the man who'd shot Levi, and the one {Name} had apparently broken the nose of. 

Biting back the urge to take another swing at him {Name} asked him to retrieve sheets from the upstairs bedrooms, another was told to bring down her medical bag from the back bedroom. 

Eyes closing {Name} knew that she should let the man die, let him bleed a slow and horrible death. But she couldn't. Whether it was the nurse instinct within her, or the fear of what they would do if she refused, she was uncertain. 

All that {Name} was sure of in that moment, was that she had a patient, and he needed immediate attendance. 

Removing her coat {Name} threw it over the old bannister, the sleeves of her shirt rolling up as she entered the kitchen. The large oak table in its centre having not been cleared of that morning's breakfast {Name} felt her stomach clench. 

The memory of Levi sitting across from her made {Name} bite down at the inside of her cheek. It was not the time to lament, the man groaning in the corner of the room was what she needed to focus on, she could not allow herself to be distracted. A loud, and tuneless whistling inhale announced the return of the man {Name} asked to collect the bed sheets, the nasally whistling grating on {Name}'s wired nerves she turned away from him as he bustled forward. 

With an unsatisfactory smile {Name} ran her hands over the table, knocking the plates and cups onto the floor with a smash before reaching across for one end of the sheet. Both {Name} and the broken-nosed soldier moving in a kind of tandem to lay the sheet on the table. 

With the table dressed {Name} turned to her patient, patting the wood and requesting he lay down they moved without question. Slipping around while the man removed his uniform {Name} grabbed up the soap at the edge of the sink, scrubbing both hands roughly a quick jut of her elbow turned the tap, the water spluttering from the pipe she rinsed both hands thoroughly. 

Trying to keep focused on the job at hand {Name} pushed back the guilt that crept from the back of her mind. 

They were her enemies. They'd shot Levi dead just that morning. 

Yet, there {Name} was, about to perform potentially life-saving surgery on one of them. 

Staring down at her shaking hands {Name} gripped them tightly together, a deep inhale taken to calm herself before turning to where the man was laid out on the table. 

Bare chest rising in rapid pants {Name} spotted bubbles of air filling the blood that trickled out the exit wounds. 

{Name} was truly wasting her time, without the sufficient equipment, she was merely about to delay the inevitable, the man's lungs, were collapsing. 

Steeling herself {Name} told the gathered soldiers to remove the chairs, the medical bag dropped at the end of the table by the man's feet {Name} eyed it for a moment, before turning quickly to the sink. 

Pulling out a wooden spoon {Name} moved up the table before looking down at the man calmly "This will stop you biting your tongue." Pushing the spoon between the soldier's teeth, he gave a slow nod of understanding. 

Clicking fingers at the soldier who'd been holding up the patient {Name} requested that he held both of the man's hands. Met with a confused gaze {Name} opened up the medical bag to pull out a pair of clean gloves _"It will stop him trying to grab me,"_ explaining deftly she turned to the whistle nosed soldier _"Hold down his legs."_

Moving up to the injured soldier's side once more {Name} leant down to whisper in his ear _"This is going to hurt, and you will probably die."_ Removing herself {Name} looked down at the man, his teeth bared around the wooden spoon their eyes met. 

Though there was no anger in his gaze, just mutual understanding of what was the probable outcome of what {Name} was about to do. 

Taking up the necessary instruments {Name} beckoned for the soldier who'd carried her. 

Requesting that he act as her second, and prepare the stitching needle and the bandages {Name} took a deep breath, before lowering the scalpel to the man's chest. 

The moment of the first incision he thrashed, forcing {Name} to yell at him and warn him that if he could not be still, then he would most certainly die. 

Understanding the graveness of his situation, the man became still. 

From the corner of her eye {Name} could see his fingers grow whiter with how tightly he squeezed on his comrade's hands. 

Though it was certainly a good sign, and that he was able to remain conscious was almost admirable, if not for the fact it was fruitless. 

For the bubbling in the exit wounds, were not slowing. 

Glancing up at the soldier who was acting as her second their eyes locked. 

For a brief second, a silent understanding passed between them. The soldier knew just as well as {Name} did. that the surgery was pointless. 

One of the bullets had torn a lung, the strained breaths told {Name} that much without even seeing the air escaping out his chest. 

What {Name} was merely doing, was making a vain effort. Or rather, acting in accordance to what the man occupying Levi's chair had wanted. Though {Name} truly suspected that he knew what {Name} was doing was a waste of time, it almost felt like she was being tested, again.

Refocusing on the task of retrieving the fragmented metal of the bullets and closing up the severed veins that was causing internal bleeding {Name} occasionally spared a glance for the man she was operating on. 

If the soldier survived the surgery, he would not survive the night. 

At the very least, she'd pump him with painkillers that would make his final moments peaceful. It was a small mercy that she was willing to give. 

Sliding the needle through to make the final stitch {Name} looked up the table. No longer holding hands the man was unconscious, his ability to withstand {Name} pulling out the bullet shards until the moment she began stitching aided a great deal. 

Having needed to roll him on his side, the puddle of blood he lay in told {Name} all that she needed to know. The man had a few hours at most, and now that he was out cold, he'd pass with ease. 

Cutting off the excess stitching {Name} requested the two Germans who'd kept him held down to gently lift him. The sullied sheet eased out from beneath; it ended up in the corner of the kitchen, a fresh one slid back under, they lowered him with care. 

Taking a step back {Name} ran the back of one arm over her sopping brow. To date, it had been the most stressful surgery she'd performed. With all eyes on her, it put her on edge, made her overly aware of every incision and stitch that she made. The matter made worse by a tenfold, being that they were enemies of her homeland, and enemies of her. 

Snapping off the bloodied gloves {Name} turned to the sink, the soap once more snatched up to scrub at her skin, she didn't stop until they were almost raw. 

If anyone found out what she'd done, they'd try her as a traitor, a conspirator. They'd hang her on the spot. Regardless of the fact the German soldier was going to die, they'd lynch her in a matter of seconds. 

In her moment of cowardice to keep her life, she'd ended it all the same. 

Using the elbow to turn the tap {Name} held back her tears. Jaw flexing and clenching the lids of her eyes fell to a close, fighting back the overwhelming sense of betrayal of not only her country, but that of Levi, she kept her back to the room until she was somewhat composed. 

Grabbing up a tea towel it was run over both hands slowly, taking in a deep breath {Name} turned to face the lingering soldiers. Each one of their uniforms marred with blood, the dark stains showing  their grey uniforms. 

In turn, they all looked at {Name}, waiting for some word, any information of how their comrade was going to be. Fixing a stare on the soldier, who like her knew that the man was going to die, a slight incline of his head told {Name} that he was not going to speak of what he knew. 

_"It's a matter of wait and sees now, though I doubt he will make it through the night. He lost a lot of blood."_ Trying to sound as close to professional as possible {Name} dropped the tea towel back down on the side. 

 

In need of fresh air {Name} moved silently out of the room, unsure of whether they'd allow her to leave the building she took tentative steps to the back door. 

 

Pulling it open without issue {Name} inhaled the chilly evening air deeply. The biting cold welcome in her lungs {Name} patted down the pockets; they were empty. 

 

A roll up being most welcome at that moment {Name} paused when a gold-tipped cigarette dangled in front of her. Looking past the tempting smoke {Name} paused on her retrieval of it.

Though shadowed by the doorway, the cold blue eyes were stark against the darkness. 

Almost illuminated, they stared down at {Name} without emotion. 

 

Unable to hold eye contact {Name} looked down at the snow littered doorstep, her fingers slowly closing around the gold tipped cigarette she placed it in her mouth. 

 

The scratch of a match lighting up {Name} peaked upwards, leaning towards the cupped flame she inhaled the toxic fumes deeply. A quick puff of breath putting the match out {Name} turned away from the door. 

 

Slow steps carrying {Name} towards the edge of the cottage she didn't stop to wonder if they'd make a commotion, at that moment all {Name} wanted to know, was what they'd done with Levi's body. 

 

Balancing the cigarette at the corner of her mouth {Name} pushed shaking fingers through her hair. From the moment she touched it, her heart gave an anguished leap. 

 

Using the pads of her fingers {Name} broke up the dried crust, the flakes resuming a watery texture they stained the prints of her fingers. 

 

Exhaling slowly {Name} stared down at the coppery colour that now marred her reddened hand. Swallowing {Name} blinked slowly, the salty warmth travelling down her cheeks, dripping down her jaw until they splashed upon the dark stain on the shoulder. 

Mouth falling open the cigarette dropped, hands scratching wildly at her hair to remove the dried blood {Name} was no longer able to remain composed. 

 

Unable to muster the courage to take the corner that would lead to the front of the house {Name} sunk, arms winding tightly around both legs she hugged them tight against her chest. Head burying in the knees a pitiful wail falling from her mouth, she rocked herself. 

 

In a moment, just one small moment {Name}'s life had fallen apart. A single bullet was all it took to close the final snare around the man she'd loved for over a decade. 

A life snuffed out so easily, that it was a cruel and unfair injustice. 

What could {Name} have possibly done to be deserving of such a wicked hand? 

Chest straining to keep her cries quiet, a hand released her legs, cupping the sound within the palm {Name} pushed hard against it. The desire to scream building to a point it made her feel physically sick, {Name} eventually bit down on her bottom lip. 

It could not be put off any longer, {Name} could not avoid taking the turn.

Sucking in a deep breath {Name}'s head tipped back, eyes blinking skyward the once white sky was splattered with dark oranges and reds. It looked so peaceful. 

Running the back of a hand over her face to wipe away the tears, blood and snot {Name} slowly pushed on her knees. With a hand held out to the wall for support, her fingers scraped clumsily over the rough brick, a nail snagging on the chipped section she lingered over it for a moment. 

Had {Name} not of almost slipped, the bullet would have caught her in the back. A deadly shot, that no doubt would have ended her misery there and then. Give or take a few minutes of the clock to allow her to bleed out. 

Gripping the inside of her cheek between the teeth {Name}'s handmade a fist, pounding the chipped brick her head bowed. 

Why did she run? 

Pushing back the thoughts of what she should have done differently {Name} took the final step. Clearing the corner she came to a stand still, hand dragging away from the wall it fell limply at her side. 

Almost buried by the snow Levi's body slumped against the wall. No care given when moving him; they'd only plucked him from the doorstep, and thrown him to the side like he was nothing but rubbish. 

Slowly {Name}'s mouth fell open, but no sound left it. The crunching of boots on the now relayed snow failed to rouse {Name}'s attention, though it did serve to fuel her denial. 

Clumsily reaching for Levi, she pulled on his shoulder, rolling him over both hands cupped his frostbitten face. The bullets exit wound iced over she ignored it as her fingers tried to brush the once soft curtains of hair out of his face. 

They felt as though they could snap. 

Caked in blood, they'd frozen solid in the hours he'd spent out in the open. The once soft pink of his lips now bruised purple and blue. 

If not for the gaping wound {Name} could have easily mistaken him for sleeping. 

It was strange that he could look so peaceful in his death. Like all his fears and worries no longer clustered over him like a storm cloud. Levi was free of his inner torment, no longer burdened by his broken body, and fractured mind. 

{Name} was left behind, her body and mind disconnecting at the seems. Levi had left her to face an uncertain future alone. 

At that moment, she hated him. Hated the fact he'd found a sense of peace that {Name} could not experience, could not share with him. 

The previous fear {Name} felt over why the men who'd taken her husband, and now taken over her home answered, she now knew her value to them. 

Though it begged the question of why they'd tried to gun her down, if they knew that {Name} was a nurse, it made no sense. 

Maybe it was because she'd ran because she'd tried to keep what little freedom she possessed. To still be able to make her decisions and choices. 

With Levi's head balanced on her lap, the slow shiver in her body ignored. The chattering of her teeth barely noticed as her fingers combed the few loose strands that remained of his hair. In time {Name}'s focus fell to Levi's lightly scarred fingers, the wedding band she'd slipped on eight years previous looked dull. 

No longer holding the shine he insisted on keeping,  it was as dead as he was. 

_"Fraulein,"_ a voice spoke tentatively from behind, a firm hand falling on her shoulder {Name} flinched away from it _"Who was he?"_ The question sounded sincere in its false French accent like the speaker cared for whom Levi was, or rather had been to her. 

_"My husband."_ Answering bluntly a hand fanned out, searching for firm ground {Name} eased Levi from her lap, resting him once more amongst the snow a hand pressed to a knee, she stood up slowly.  

With a cold and callous gaze upon the soldier who'd asked after Levi's relation to herself {Name} slipped by him. 

A particular kind of boldness coming in knowing of her value to them, {Name} trudged down the path that led to the barn that stood like a beacon against the snow. 

Though it would be a crude burial, {Name} would not allow Levi to remain to lay in the snow. 

It was the final offering of dignity that she could afford him, to bury him on the land he'd been born upon.  


	3. Chapter 3

Fixing the last button in place {Name}'s fingers traced down, sliding under the lip of the collar to smooth out its edges. Refusing to make eye contact {Name} focused quietly on the downturn of Levi's mouth. Clearly annoyed that {Name} would not meet his gaze even after trying to soothe her fears. 

_ "{Name}?" _

Mouth pinching {Name} withdrew her contact with him. Hands falling to cross at her front {Name} bowed her head, even more, chin practically tucked up against the chest.

_ "What Levi?" _

Barely whispering {Name} found that her mouth was almost glued together. Voice coarse and dry from her earlier screaming match with the man now trying to get her to look up at him.

_"I don't want to part like this."_ with his warm fingers curling beneath her chin, the index finger tapped the underside gently, tickling the skin {Name}'s head came up. 

Trying to escape the tickling sensation Levi seized the opportunity, and took hold of her face in his hands _"I have to go."_

Voicing the truth of the matter {Name}'s eyes closed, tears threatening to spill she pushed into the warmth of Levi's palm as his thumbs wiped at her eyes _"Promise me! Promise me you'll come home!"_

Pleading {Name} cupped Levi's hands with her own, still refusing to look upon him the rush of breath from his agonised sigh tickled across her face.

Pulled in tight Levi placed a kiss over the scar at {Name}'s temple _"I will always come home to you."_

Swaying suddenly {Name} threw her body back against the rest of the chair. 

Startled into waking a few rapid blinks cleared the glaze that covered her sleep deprived eyes, pupils adjusting from the darkness to the low gas light. 

The creaking of wood brought {Name}'s mind out of its confusion, the kitchen table still occupied by the German soldier {Name} shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

For a moment, she'd forgotten about them.

Pulled away from the last memory of Levi before the war reached the French borders, it was not a happy memory, but the last one she possessed of him when he was whole when he was the Levi she'd fallen in love with.

Using the pad of her thumb {Name} wiped away the damp patches that lingered beneath her tired eyes. 

Reminding herself how foolish it was to fall asleep in such an exposed way {Name} rubbed her worn hands together. Small blisters forming from the handle of the shovel she'd used to dig Levi's grave, she inspected them closely.

_ "Fraulein?" _

A dry, rattling breath brought {Name}'s head snapping up. Beside her the soldier's chest heaved, a hand rising from his side it searched the air for something to hold.

With some hesitance {Name} stood up, coming to the edge of the table her body leant over. Glassy eyes swivelling in their sockets it took the man a moment to settle on her, a lurch in her stomach following when a weak smile cracked his bruised lips apart. 

Dangerously pale the soldier's skin was clammy, deep purple circles almost hollowed out the eyes. The man laying on {Name}'s kitchen table, was seconds from death's snare.

Slowly the soldier reached out toward {Name}, the arm shaking with the effort {Name} met his hand in the middle. Fingers closing around her own {Name} was shocked by the slither of strength the man still possessed, the hold almost frighteningly tight for a person in his condition. 

Wanting freedom from the unnaturally cold hand {Name} paused when the man attempted to speak. Words jumbled in a wet rasp {Name} frowned, a finger sliding back her hair to tuck behind the ear she leant in closer to him.

_ "D-does it hurt?" _

Slurring out in French the man's breath tickled, the question confusing, {Name} raised her head once more. Eyes meeting {Name} froze when she looked down at him. The man was crying, his fingers trying to keep a firm hold on her hand {Name} cupped it tightly between her own.

The soldier wanted to know if dying hurt.

Every inch of her wanted to torment him, feed his fear and describe it in a horrific image. {Name} would have, if not for her head and heart being in disagreement.

_ "No. It doesn't hurt." _

At the response the soldier gave a slow bobbing of the head, the gold-flecked eyes never once wavering from her face as the corner of his mouth twitched up.

Drawing in a sharp breath {Name} couldn't help but stare. In that moment {Name} allowed herself to properly look at the man, the weak but somehow cocky smile removing the fatigue of his war-weary face.

The soldier was not a man, but a young teenager. Eighteen at most, and already at the end of his life. Enemy or not {Name} could not help but think how cruel it was. The soldier had barely tasted life, and now he never would.

Somewhere a mother would be weeping for her son, possibly her only son, that was laying on a kitchen table, dying. No family or loved ones at his side, to soothe him.

Forgetting that the boy laying on the table was most likely the reason that Levi was no longer breathing, {Name} took a hand away from his, raw fingers combing lightly through the short crop of hair. Two fingers sliding down the soldier's palm she pressed them into his wrist, seeking out his pulse {Name} felt her throat constrict tightly. Counting between each pulse slowly grew longer, the beat growing fainter with each number she whispered.

It wouldn't be long, he was almost there.

_"Danke."_ Rasping out the word, the soldier's voice barely reached {Name}, with a furrow of the brow {Name} felt the man's hand go slack, a rattling breath pushing through barely parted lips {Name} snapped her gaze to the soldier's eyes.

Taking the hand off the soldier's hair {Name} gently brought it down his face, the lids of his lifeless eyes pushed down with the motion she set his hand back against his side.

Death was not new to {Name}. It came part and parcel with her profession. Yet none left her feeling quite so empty as the young man laying on her kitchen table did.

Rolling the watch at her wrist around {Name} took note of the time. As suspected, he'd not made it through the night. The minute and hour hand dancing over to land neatly together on the twelve. The soldier had been seconds off from midnight, so close to meeting another day, the opportunity robbed from him.

Pressing the back of a hand to her mouth {Name} shook her thoughts out. There was not a chance that she was about to sympathise with the recently deceased German.

From the floor above a spring creaked, one of the soldiers turning in one of the beds it made {Name}'s hand clench.

They'd come to her home, taken the life of her husband then had the gall to ask for her to save the life of their comrade. A task she'd failed to complete, but one they clearly did not care too much about. 

Though the soldier had remained unconscious for the best part of the day, they'd readily made themselves at home, pilfering what small supplies {Name} had, before taking up her beds as if this was their second home.

Not one of them remained in the kitchen to oversee the outcome of the soldier.

As the thoughts consumed {Name}, feeding her anger and burrowing deeper the hatred she felt towards the men occupying her home, it gave birth to a new thought.

No one was watching her.

Heart racing {Name} clutched at her churning stomach. Now was the only chance gifted her, one that she could not waste. Breath hitching {Name} listened closely to the sounds above, searching for possible movement other than that of the soldiers stirring in their sleep.

It was quiet. 

Though {Name} was certain they were all asleep, she could not be sure without going to check, but doing so would cost her time.

In a nervous fit of excitement {Name} crept towards the kitchen door, peeking out into the hallway she found it empty. Taking extra care in being quiet {Name} crept towards the bannister, the coat she'd thrown over it earlier still hanging in a disorganised fashion she peeled it away slowly, slipping both arms in quickly the skin of her arms tingled.

Caught somewhere between excitement and fear {Name} found herself filled with an unexpected amount of energy. Feet itching to start moving, her hands wrung together, palms sweaty a few quick strides brought {Name} to the front door.

In some oddly pieced logic {Name} guessed they'd expect it of her to try to slip out the back. It led to the woodland after all, and that was where she'd attempted her first escape too. This time, {Name} would head out towards the closest village. 

Though, giving that was the general direction the Germans had come from, it was potentially a case of leaping from one danger to another.

With that in mind {Name} considered heading west to the neighbouring farm, it was long since abandoned and the last she'd seen it had fallen into disrepair, but it was better than staying. 

The cottage was no longer her home, but instead, a carcass of memories and could have beens.

Puffing out her cheeks with a deep breath, she held on to it as the door handle twisted, the door popping open without a sound {Name} created enough space for her to slip out.

Under the moonlight the fields appeared to glow, the light reflecting off the untouched snow it was like nature's very own night-light. Releasing the stored breath {Name} watched the cloudburst twist and curl before it was overtaken by another rush of breath. 

The air still, {Name} took some time to indulge in its tranquillity, the small taste of peacefulness filling her with a calm, it helped clear up her jumbled thoughts. In the mix of her panic to get away, {Name} almost forgot the prospect of the upstairs windows. 

It was most likely the reason no one was downstairs, they could keep watch over both the front and back of the house via the bedroom windows.

Keeping close to the wall {Name} walked back along the side of the building, from there she could make it down to the barn and stay out of view, the real trial, would begin at the barn. 

There was always the option to move on foot, but given her earlier attempt at running, they'd catch up in no time. Unlike before {Name} did not believe they'd be so lenient with her. 

The purpose of keeping her breathing had died with the German boy still on the kitchen table. Which left only one viable option, that would allow her to make a greater distance between them and herself in a short amount of time.

Decided on the plan of escape {Name} pushed across the garden, hands rubbing together for warmth she cupped them lightly every so often to breathe in the gap, providing a little more warmth. At that moment, {Name} could not afford to have numb, or chill bitten fingers.

Ears keenly listening for any other foot fall other than her own {Name}'s chest tightened with the building anxiety. Things were going too smoothly, even sparing a glance back at the house she found nothing moving. 

No shadows, no give away little clouds of breath, just silence. It unnerved {Name} more than the prospect of finding someone on her trail, but still it did not stop her in her bid for freedom.

Taking the last few metres to the barn in a brisk run {Name} eased off the latch, one bright red door swinging open {Name} flinched when it groaned. Fingers curling around the door she paused, eyes darting back towards the cottage she swallowed down the lump in her throat. If the soldier's had heard it, she could not waste time checking. That in mind {Name} slipped inside, the heavy scent of dust and hay scratching at the back of her throat.

With the soft rustle of hay underfoot {Name}'s arms spread wide, fingers feeling through the darkness two sharp clicks of the tongue echoed through the barn, bouncing off the walls until they hit back against her ears. 

A prolonged silence followed, until a gentle whinny and the impatient scratch of a hoof replied, telling {Name} which direction she needed to go. 

Relieved at the sound {Name}'s heart gave a joyous leap, the tips of her fingers hitting against the splintered gate they traversed until they met with the open air. Another set of clicks and a large, wet nose pushed against {Name}'s palms, pushing and nudging for attention the stallion huffed heatedly when {Name}'s hands patted the side of the stallion's face.

Head bowing {Name} knocked it lightly against Farlan's, a gentle whinny sounding in reply to the contact {Name} searched blindly for the gates latch. Swinging open in a wide arc Farlan reared up, the powerful steeds hooves clattering across the hay, elated at being let out.

_"Come, Farlan."_ With a hand on the horse's shoulder {Name} felt relief when he trotted calmly at her side. Being Levi's horse, Farlan was a little trickster when it came to {Name}. Often nipping and biting at her, and outright refusing to allow {Name} to mount, Farlan was thankfully compliant. Offering a crumbled sugar cube {Name} smiled when Farlam lapped it up, a hand gently combing through the sandy mane he possessed, she walked beside him towards the door.

Steadying Farlan by the barn door {Name} now adjusted to the darkness, sought out a saddle. Using gentle pats and words to keep Farlan steady {Name} came to the last part, getting the bit in Farlan's mouth. Gripped in both hands {Name} approached Farlan, his dark eyes blinking down at her {Name} panicked when he looked ready to rear up.

_ "Please, Farlan, please!" _

Whispering her pleas roughly {Name} held out a hand, fingers stroking down his long nose to soothe the stallion, hoping that he'd allow her to put the bit in his mouth with some gentle encouragement. 

A huff of breath blew the loose hair out of {Name}'s face before Farlan trotted forward, mouth open and ready to take the bit {Name} was almost giddy in her relief. 

Saddled up, and ready to go {Name} stepped into the first stirrup, swinging up into the saddle she took a firm hold on the reigns. With two sharp taps on Farlan's side, he trotted calmly out of the barn.

In the time {Name} had been in the barn a rough wind started up. The field no longer calm and peaceful as the wind picked up the loose snow, blowing it across the field like a sand storm her hair whipped wildly across her face, obscuring her view, but not enough that she could miss the pair of cold blue eyes trained on her.

The metallic click of a gun being loaded stole {Name}'s attention. Eyes sliding to the right the breath caught in her throat.

Against the blizzard, a pair of turquoise eyes shone brightly. Narrowed and focused the rifle levelled to his shoulder, the muzzle pointed squarely at {Name}.

Swallowing {Name}'s eyes burned, too scared to blink a tug on the reigns brought Farlan to a halt. The blue-eyed German being the only thing stopping the turquoise eyed one from shooting, his left hand was held up, two fingers extended in some form of halt signal.

_ "Bastards!" _

Cursing under breath {Name} felt the rigidity in her body lapse when the blue-eyed German lowered his hand to his side. Eyes flicking to the armed man {Name} expected him to open fire, instead the weapon lowered, though his finger remained on the trigger.

Looking back {Name} held tighter on the reins when the blue-eyed man approached slowly, a hand out he patted Farlan calmly, walking around until he stood beside {Name}. A half-smile curving the corner of his mouth the man extended a gloved hand, silently gesturing {Name} to dismount.

_"I thought you would have learnt from last time Fraulein,"_ fingers curling around the small slack in the reigns {Name} watched the smile bleed away into a cold and calculating one _"You can not run."_ Mocking {Name}'s first escape attempt a curve formed in her brow, they no longer needed her, there was nothing she knew that could be harmful to them if they let her go.

Teeth gritting {Name} turned away from the German, an almost haughty laugh sounding from an unknown source of bravery she gave Farlan a gentle pat on the shoulder

_ "Farlan." _

As if Farlan himself was laughing a set of breathy whinny's came from him. The turquoise eyed soldier stepping forward almost conveniently, three sharp clicks of {Name}'s tongue, reminiscent of Levi's, and Farlans back leg kicked out.

Wet and ragged breaths told {Name} that Farlan hit his target, a gentle tug on the reins bringing him back under control {Name} stared back at the blue-eyed German still standing beside her.

_"Fine control you have there."_ with the hand moving up the reigns until the larger hand settled over {Name}'s the blue-eyed man gave a sharp, and forceful pull. Dismounted {Name} fell hard against the snow, the impact almost winding her a quick roll took her away from Farlan's stamping hooves.

Dragging her aching body on to all fours {Name} froze when a set of dusted boots entered her vision. Looking up through watering eyes {Name} slowly pushed back, sitting on her legs, she hung her head in defeat when the click of a gun sounded. 

Cold metal giving a firm kiss to the top of {Name}'s head, her fingers bunched tightly in the cotton trousers she wore.

{Name} almost smiled.

At least {Name} had tried. That was all she could have done, the thought made her chest swell. In a few short minutes, she'd be joining with Levi, that was a freedom all by itself.

Mentally prepared {Name} sat calmly awaiting her sentence. The man was clearly unwavering, the arm steady she couldn't even feel a single tremor in the gun pointed at her.

_ "Giving up already, Fraulein?" _

Slowly the man dropped until he crouched in front of {Name}. Eyes meeting steadily a charming smile disarmed {Name}, with the handgun withdrawn the man rested the arm on a strong thigh. 

The free hand he possessed taking a firm hold on {Name}'s chin, a meticulous application of pressure forcing {Name} to move in toward him.

_"Your defiance is admirable, if not a little troublesome,"_ speaking as though he was praising {Name} a brow arched sharply causing the man to laugh _"We need a medic. Our last one died."_ Waving the gun still in his hand in some form of warning {Name} swallowed sharply _"If you behave Fraulein, no harm will come to you. That you have my word on."_ removing his hold {Name} angled away as far as she could without falling over.

With the offer dangled as if it was a temptation {Name} stared at the man almost dumbfounded. How could she possibly act as their medic? Let alone trust that no harm would come her way when they were at war. If not being shot by them, it could be by another. Possibly a bomb, grenade or by a landmine.

_ "Nein!" _

Growling out the refusal in the man's mother tongue, a snippet of satisfaction was felt at the man's genuine surprise at her clear pronunciation. The single word barely marred by her accent, unlike their poorly enunciated French {Name}'s chin jutted up to add weight to her decline of the offer.

Gripping his chin the man's eyes fell to a close, fingers curled to cover his mouth {Name} caught the faint sound of a laugh being stifled.

_"Forgive me Fraulein, you seem to have misunderstood,"_ with the hand falling away his expression became icy _"I wasn't giving you an option."_

_"Neither am I,"_ in a snap {Name} responded, unsure whether it was exhaustion, or simply frayed nerves, all {Name} knew was that she was suddenly possessed by a lion-like courage "With my knowledge I can kill you in a heartbeat, if you entrust your medical care to me."

Throwing out the threat, that both parties were as much of a danger to each other {Name} pressed her mouth into a thin line. Breath held as a tenseness spread between them, {Name} flicked her gaze to the soldier Farlan had kicked, the snow around him speckled red as he continued to hack and cough.

_"You're quite amusing Fraulein, but your threat is a hollow one,"_ hand once more at her face, he pushed back the strands of hair that covered the scar at her temple, a quizzical look flickering over his calm visage briefly _"Even now, your instinct is to help Eren,"_ fingers curling back when {Name} tossed her head away from his touch, a smile eased the tenseness in his face _"You haven't got it in you to kill."_

Sucking her cheeks in between her teeth, she bit down hard on the inside of her mouth. The man had {Name} there, even with the soldier they'd previously asked for her to give aid, she could have easily made him suffer more than he had. Made his death a slow and agonising one, but instead, she'd made his passing a clean, and calm one.

With a gentle sigh, the man stood up slowly, a hand once more held out to {Name} a swipe of her hand batted it away. Bringing herself up from the floor {Name} brushed the snow away from her clothes, fingers twisting in her hair it was deftly tied back.

_"He'll be fine. No strenuous activity, and plenty of rest."_ Offering the advice {Name} looked towards the buckled over German, a tanned hand pressed to his chest he spat out another mouthful of blood. The turquoise of his eyes giving the rage in them a far more fiery perception {Name} looked back at the blue-eyed German.

Though not openly, it was clear that he was pleased by her change of mind. {Name} however, loathed her decision, and herself. For all the fight she'd had, it was sucked out of her just as quickly as it was gained.

It was clear they were not going to offer her an easy way out. The knowledge she possessed clearly too valuable, and her will to weak.

Tipping back her head, {Name} sighed heavily. The star littered sky offering a serene image that belied the bloodshed and chaos that was tearing up not just her country, but many others. It's untainted colours offering {Name} a slither of hope, that one day she'd overcome her fear of death, and allow her to embrace it with open arms.

_ "Forgive me." _

Whispering to the night sky {Name} could only hope that Levi was not playing witness to the weakness she'd fallen prey to.

A rush of hot breath atop her head brought {Name}'s head down. 

The familiar crunch of Farlan chewing at her hair both welcome and unwelcome a rough lurch forward to escape the hair chewing stallion sent her unexpectedly into the chest of the man who now had her life dangling within his hands.

Having tried to jump back {Name} found her arms pinned by the large hands the man possessed. Body becoming rigid when he pressed the side of his face against her own, {Name} felt a sharp pain slash through her chest at his cruel words.

_ "The dead do not listen. So they can not forgive." _

Breaking away the man turned sharply on his heels, right hand raised {Name} made a grab at her throat when he dangled a silver chain from between his fingers.

"I will keep this as insurance of your good behaviour."

Slipping a finger through the misshapen ring held on the chain the man curled his finger around it.

_"Welcome to the Schutzstaffel,"_ speaking almost crudely of taking {Name} into their fold he ran his thumb over Levi's wedding ring _"I am Erwin Smith, and it's a pleasure to have you."_ Catching the almost coy smile on his profile {Name}'s jaw flexed to keep her tongue at bay.


	4. Chapter 4

An impatient huff of breath made {Name} turn. Met with Farlan's sad gaze a hand gently patted his nose, a tired smile offered in the hope that it would ease the stallion {Name} removed the reins. 

Free of the riding equipment Farlan scraped at the snow with a hoof, itching to remain out and roam freely {Name} stepped aside, a firm pat to his thigh Farlan whinnied as he set off at a gentle trot.

Watching Farlan walk free {Name} envied the stallion, the thought ridiculous enough that it gave her a genuine reason to laugh. Who in their right mind envied a horse after all.

Finally, a dry cough left the man Farlan kicked if memory served his name was Eren, or at the very least that was what she had been told his name was.

Rounding on the man {Name} eyed him with faint amusement, the dark curve and print of a horseshoe marked the very edge of his jaw. If Eren were any closer to Farlan when he kicked out, the damage would have been more substantial. As it was, it looked to of caught the tanned male across the jaw and shoulder.

_ "I suggest you sleep it off." _

Offering a snippet of advice {Name} was not surprised when a scoff came in reply. Snatching up the rifle Eren gave a jut of his head, ordering {Name} to move a small smile curved her mouth. Forced to swing the gun on his shoulder due to being unable to lift the right arm without cursing through the pain, {Name} put Eren onto the mental tally that she was keeping.

The first being the man she'd who's nose she had broken. The second the one she would hit with the butt of a gun, and now Eren, whom she had made Farlan kick.

It was not going to bode well for {Name} if she kept it up. Even with the promise given that no harm would come her way, it could not be assured when {Name} intentionally acted in a way, that would warrant a retaliation. Even if merely prompted by her fear of them, there would only be so much they would put up with.

Keeping that in mind {Name} swept by the man who she was now essentially the puppet of, head bowed {Name} refused even to look back at him. Moving across the garden {Name} ignored the two soldiers stationed either side of the door. 

It looked as though the whole house had woken up when {Name} stepped over the threshold. From the kitchen {Name} could hear the shuffling of boots across the floor, the scratch and groaning of wood told {Name} that they were removing their deceased comrade.

Taking the stairs {Name} crossed paths with another soldier, bleary-eyed his dark hair stuck out at odd angles, the palm of a hand kneading at one eye {Name} nearly tripped when he smiled down at her. Without returning the gesture {Name} carried on up the stairs, hitting the landing {Name} shrugged off her coat.

Following the source of her current annoyance to the bedroom on her immediate right, she threw the door open with little thought, and without knocking.

Standing in the doorway {Name} watched as three fully grown men tripped over themselves. In varying states of undress, they made grabs for the closest thing to conceal their exposed skin, all the while barking out complaints of her presence in a confused mixture of French and German.

With a shake of the head {Name} scanned over each of them quickly, singling out the person she had been looking for a firm nod was given. 

Releasing the door handle {Name} pushed into the bedroom, clambering onto the bed {Name} made a grab for the burly blonde haired male. Eyes narrowing {Name} heard what was slowly becoming an all too familiar click of a gun. 

Maybe they were under the belief {Name} was intending harm, or that she was goading them. In truth, her reason for being latched onto the shirt of the blonde haired male was very simple.

Closing in on the man's nose {Name} brought the other hand to wrap around the back of the male's neck, keeping him still she wriggled the bone until it clicked.

Releasing quickly {Name} listened as the man inhaled deeply. The sound of the air rushing up his nasal passages almost like music in comparison to the aggravating whistle his nose had been making.

_ "That's much better." _

Hands placed together almost as if {Name} was in prayer she turned away, once more clambering across the bed to hop off the side she'd climbed on. Dismissing the bewildered stares {Name} slipped out of the room, thankful that the two newer arrivals at the door let her pass without a fuss.

Whether it was merely frayed nerves, or that her exhaustion temporarily made her act far more boldly {Name} was unsure. All that was certain was that {Name} needed to sleep, and listening to the whistle of the soldier's broken nose was irritating.

Mouth parting with a yawn {Name} was grateful to find her bedroom unoccupied, and untouched. 

Closing the door {Name} made certain to twist the key, the thunk of the lock sliding into place allowing {Name} to feel at ease, even if only temporarily. 

This room was the only place remaining; that was untainted by them. It was her small sanctuary, a place she could finally allow the tension in her body to be released.

Sat on the edge of the bed {Name} used her feet to push each boot off. 

Far too tired to follow her usual night time routine {Name} crawled across the bed, throwing the blankets over {Name} dragged the top pillow from Levi's side of the bed. 

Hugging it {Name} inhaled, his lingering scent offered a small amount of comfort, face burying in the pillow {Name} finally allowed herself to do what she'd been wanting to all day.

Biting into the pillow {Name}'s body shook with the overwhelming rush of emotion. It wasn't so much crying, but more like she was screaming. The sound only dampened when the pillow was stuffed in her mouth.

_ "You can't lay in bed all day." _

Grumbling {Name} burrowed into the blankets, fingers clawing tightly to the edges to stop Levi pulling them off. 

A click of the tongue sounding from the corner of the room made {Name} sign in reply. It was clear that Levi was not going to allow {Name} a lay in that morning. 

Bringing her head out from under the sheets {Name} blinked slowly, adjusting to the warm glow of the gaslights her fingers rubbed at the sleep in the corner of each eye.

Outside it was still dark, the winter sun barely on the horizon line.

_ "Levi, what time is it?" _

Sitting up in the bed {Name} watched him move around to the end of the, her coat draped over Levi's arm he threw it at her.

_ "Come on." _

Without another word Levi left the bedroom, leaving {Name} confused. Curiosity peaked {Name} clambered from the bed, dressing hastily she tapped the front of each boot on the floor so that they sat comfortably. 

Throwing on the coat {Name} left the room at a brisk pace, coming to a pause at the foot of the stairs she found the front door wide open.

Approaching it with caution {Name} gave a startled yelp at the sight that met her. Fields painted white, the snow fell in a gentle flurry, caught in the light of the still present moon it appeared to glow.

At the edge of the garden {Name} made out Levi's silhouette and two others. Leaving the cottage {Name} almost ran down the garden, carried by confusion and excitement {Name} came to a stop at the brick wall that encircled their home.

Stood between a sandy brown horse, and a red one Levi smiled, both horses saddled up and ready for riding he held out the reins for the red horse to {Name}.

_ "You said you always wanted to ride a horse in the snow." _

Giving an explanation for the unexpected wake up {Name} felt her chest flutter, climbing over the wall she took the reins from Levi, a hand gently reaching to pat her designated horse she turned to Levi.

_ "What's his name?" _

With a whinny, the reddish horse nudged {Name}'s hand playfully

_ "It's a she, and her name is Isabelle." _

With an embarrassed laugh {Name} nodded towards the horse Levi was preparing to mount, asking without speaking for the horse's name.

_ "This is Farlan, Isabelle's brother." _

Smiling {Name} held out a hand cautiously, unsure if Farlan would be as happy as Isabelle with contact from a stranger. A huff of breath from Farlan told {Name} that it was not the case, nonetheless she giggled at the tickle it gave her hand.

Mounting up {Name} took a moment to steady Isabelle, Levi far more experienced sat calmly waiting until Isabelle settled down. 

With a click of the tongue and a gentle snap of the reins they moved in a gentle trot, the hooves crunching across the snow {Name} couldn't help but admire how beautiful the scenery was. It was almost like they were in their little world, with nothing but them, their horses and their home.

A gentle nudge at her side made {Name} look across, beside her Levi was watching intently, eyes narrowed as if he was in thought.

_ "Do you miss it?" _

Cocking her head {Name} didn't understand Levi's question.

_ "Miss what?" _

With a look of annoyance Levi faced forward, a click of the tongue given {Name} could tell he believed her to be playing dumb.

_ "Living in the city. Moving away from the place you were born must have been difficult. It must be boring here for you?" _

Straightening up, a moment of silence taken to thinking about it. Of course, the countryside was very different. It was quiet, and a good long walk until the nearest village, but {Name} was never bored, neither was there any regret in leaving the city.

_ "I do not miss it at all. Even if I did, it is a little late now that we are married." _

With a smile {Name} gave Isabelle a quick tap, setting her into a light gallop with an excited laugh, Levi cursing {Name} for breaking off on her own he soon set Farlan to match with Isabelle's speed. 

The chilled wind that accompanied the first snow of the winter bit at {Name}'s face, but still she remained smiling, happy that Levi had remembered such a small thing that she'd mentioned.

Slowly {Name} woke. 

Rolling onto her back a hand draped over the eyes, they felt raw and puffy from the lengthy time spent crying. 

In truth {Name} couldn't even recall when she'd fallen asleep. With an arm fanning out to the empty side of the bed, a small part of {Name} wished that it was cold simply due to Levi having woken early.

Even though it was what {Name} wanted his absence to be, she knew that living in denial was unhealthy, and {Name} would simply have to make with seeing him in the memories that currently replaced her dreams.

Throwing back the blankets {Name} slipped from the bed, a hand scratching idly at her bed hair {Name} finally caught sight of her appearance in the reflection of the dresser mirror.

Dried blood dyed her hair, small remnant stains littering both neck and face.

{Name}'s reflection reminded her of the days she had spent in the trench. Private Tommy having given her a mirror to help clean up her face, the only thing missing was the mud and the wide glassy-eyed stare.

Pushing off the bed {Name} quickly gathered up a fresh set of clothes, hurrying to unlock the bedroom door it opened a crack. 

Peeking out into the corridor {Name} watched the broad back of one of the soldiers descend the staircase, waiting a few more seconds before slipping out the bedroom she crept across the landing to the bathroom. 

Reaching for the handle {Name} hesitated, choosing instead to knock and save herself a potentially mortifying experience.

Of course {Name} was no stranger to the naked male body, being a nurse she saw plenty. 

It was simply a matter of not wanting to see any more of their undressed bodies than what was entirely necessary. Even the night before when {Name} waltzed into the room; she had received more than an eyeful.

Groaning {Name}'s head hit against the door, with no one responding to the knock, she was safe in that it was empty.

Taking care to lock the bathroom door {Name} turned the taps of the bath. The room was slowly filling with steam when {Name} undressed, the soiled clothes kicked into the corner of the room she ran a hand over each shoulder. 

The muscles felt tight and knotted, fingers kneading at them it gave a small relief, but it was not a wholesome one.

Testing the water temperature {Name} hummed contently, slipping into the hot water she cupped her hands, collecting some of the water to splash over her face, and clear away the blood. 

With soap in hand {Name} scrubbed at every inch of her body, the need to feel clean making her almost frantic. It was only when the soap slipped from her hands that {Name} stopped.  

Watching the small bubbled up square slide across the tiles {Name} gulped back the bile rising in her throat.

A pair of polished boots parted sharply, the soap hitting the lip of the sole, it flipped up against the shining leather.

Looking up with a snap {Name} felt her face flush.

Knees brought up {Name}'s arms took some time to coordinate in her panic to cover her exposed chest.

_"Calm yourself Fraulein."_ bending to retrieve the bar of soap {Name} flinched when Erwin threw the soap back into the bath. The water making a popping sound, the soap created ripples against her legs.

The door was locked, {Name} made certain of it. So now begged the question, how did man get in?

Curled into an almost foetal position {Name} could not bring herself to look at him, face still burning she felt lost for words.

_ "How did you--?" _

Cut off from asking the all important question {Name} frowned when a towel was shaken out beside her, held up almost like a modesty panel she stared at it for a long moment.

_ "I was already in here. Apparently, you just didn't notice." _

Answering {Name}'s question the man who'd introduced himself the night before as Erwin Schmid shook the towel, apparently trying to encourage {Name} to step out of the bath.

_ "And you did not think to announce yourself? I knocked on the door!" _

Arguing against Erwin's answer, she remained in the bath. There was not a chance that she would step out, not with him stood there and only a towel was separating them.

_ "Did you Fraulein? I must not have heard it." _

Erwin's voice held an edge of amusement as the situation was of some entertainment value to him. It would not have been an issue if it was not at {Name}'s expense.

Mouth pinching together {Name} slapped a hand against the water, how could he treat a total invasion of privacy as a laughing matter? 

It was her home, not theirs. Even with the situation being what it was, {Name} was savvy enough to have knocked on the door. 

Any respectable man would have announced his presence before allowing a woman to undress.

_"You perverted wretch!"_ almost shouting {Name} made a grab for the towel. 

Not trusting Erwin not to remove it once she was stood up, and totally exposed she made an awkward show of rolling the towel up.

Shoving each end of the bath sheet under an arm {Name} stood up, the towel unrolling as her body left the water it dropped to her knees, keeping her covered.

Stepping out of the bathtub {Name} threw her head forward. Wrapping a towel around her wet hair {Name} could feel Erwin staring at her back. Teeth grinding {Name} glanced back at him, eyes narrowing at his almost inquisitive stare.

With one arm crossed over, the other propped on top, the fingers gripping at his chin, the index tapped against his bottom lip.

_"Forgive my intrusion Fraulein,"_ speaking quite softly Erwin's head raised _"But how long were you married?"_

A vicious twist in {Name}'s gut at the use of what was now the proper tense of her marriage, she stuttered the answer.

Repositioning himself from the perch he'd made of the door frame that led to the other part of the bathroom, Erwin gave a slow nod.

_ "Eight years is a relatively long time." _

Taken back by the comment {Name} could not understand where his line of questioning was going, so she remained silent.

_"From what I saw of you,"_ he paused, a hand raising to halt {Name} from throwing the bottle she'd snatched up from the nearby shelf {Name} lowered her arm slightly, but did not put the bottle down _"You haven't bared any children."_

Swallowing the bottle slipped out {Name}'s hand.

Glass smashing when it met with the tiles a hand unconsciously pressed against the scar that stretched from hip to hip on her abdomen.

_ "I'm barren." _

Explaining stiffly {Name} picked herself out of the glass field she created. 

A hand wiping across her mouth {Name} crouched, slowly collecting the segments of glass to deposit in the sink, a temporary measure until she could clean it properly.

_"Barren?"_ Erwin questioned quietly, his tone balancing somewhere between confusion and uncertainty.

Resting both hands on the knees {Name}'s head bowed slightly. 

Why was {Name} even telling him, it was none of his concern. If anything, all she was giving him was more information to use against her. It was a sore point already that he'd seen her naked. 

To tell him of her inability to bear a child, made her feel even more exposed than if she whipped off the towel and let him see every inch of her.

_ "That's all you need to know." _

Almost choking on the words {Name} stood up quickly, moving to collect her clothes from the hamper she'd placed them on {Name} froze when Erwin's finger tapped at the scar on her temple.

_ "Does it have something to do with this?" _

Pulling the towel on her head so it covered the indentation {Name} sighed heavily.

_"Have you no understanding of a person's privacy,"_ Losing patience, and thoroughly annoyed by the line of questioning Erwin was taking {Name} stepped around him, heading for the door _"Or for that matter, how to act accordingly."_

Twisting the lock {Name} welcomed the cold rush of the breeze in the hallway, a door or window was open somewhere _"I have no intention of talking with you or your friends outside of what is to be expected of me."_

Meeting Erwin in a dead-on stare, it peeved her that his mouth held a faint curve, which she was some source of amusement to him _"So until I'm needed. Shut up!"_ Purposefully slamming the bathroom door {Name} ran the short distance to her bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

Pacing back and forth {Name} bit at her fingernails. 

 

Since the bathroom encounter {Name} remained locked in her room, thankfully left alone it gave {Name} time to cool down, to assess the situation. 

 

Though it was difficult when all her thoughts overtaken by food. The last meal she'd partaken in, was over a day ago, her hunger suppressed by the complete upheaval of her life. 

 

Now, though, another loud rumble and gurgle told {Name} she needed to eat.

 

Unlocking the door {Name} felt a sharp thump hit upon her forehead. Fingers pressing over the offended area {Name} stepped back at the same moment the German did. 

 

Apparently having opened the door at the exact moment he'd intended to knock, it was her forehead that received the knocking from the giant hand instead.

 

Eyes stretching wide as the man bumbled and stuttered an apology {Name} eventually shook off her surprise, her hands capturing the tall males wildly waving hands she pushed them back against his body. 

 

Apparently, the man possessed some nervous habits, noting the slow crawl of a bead of sweat beginning at his hairline {Name} gave a breathy and equally nervous laugh.

 

_ "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you!" _

 

Almost shouting the apology {Name} scrambled to cover the male's mouth. Both hands pressed tightly over; they were as quickly taken back. 

 

Wiping both hands down her trouser leg, {Name} shouldn't have been surprised by the thin layer of sweat that dampened the palms.

 

_ "It's fine. What did you want?" _

 

Speaking slowly, for fear of exciting the males nervous habits again {Name} finally recognised the man as the one who'd smiled at her on the stairs the night before.

 

_"Your wanted downstairs."_ Speaking a little more calmly the man stepped back, a finger scratching at his temple, he smiled again, a bit more sheepish than the first one _"Sorry again."_

 

Apparently feeling the need to apologise again {Name} sidestepped him. Wondering what they could need, {Name} followed the bumbling soldier, pausing when he stepped aside suddenly.

 

Between the open front door, and the garden a soldier lay. Chest puffing out with panting breaths {Name}'s eyes flicked down to the source of the pain.

 

Teeth bared as {Name} sucked in a breath; she could understand why no noise was made to alert her, but on the other hand, she couldn't grasp how their unit was still breathing.

 

In just over a day, one of them had died. One had his nose broken, one limping, one unable to use his arm for getting kicked by a horse of all things. 

 

Now, one of them had his ankle in the snare of a hunting trap.

 

Standing over the soldier {Name} stared down at him, before shaking her head _"Are you sure your medic didn't shoot himself?"_

 

Grumbling as she moved out the door to take a look at the wound the soldiers head shot up from the floor _"What was that?!"_ Shouting back at her, a wave of anger riled {Name}.

 

_"I said you have to be the most hopeless group of soldiers I have ever seen,"_ crouched beside the injured leg she purposely jabbed it, causing the man to hiss and whine _"What kind of idiot puts his foot in a hunting trap, of all things, during a war?!"_

 

Though he'd raised his head to rebuke, it quickly fell back. Satisfied {Name} gave a quick visual examination. 

 

The trap wasn't too deep, at the very least he'd not tried prying it open, his boots having stopped the teeth going further in.

 

Feeling around the base of the trap {Name} sought out the release mechanism, finding it {Name} turned to the man lingering at the door.

 

In time {Name} would have to learn their names, rather than continuing in her mind calling them all bastards, and only adding a number to the end.

 

_ "I need towels, salt and my bag." _

 

Giving the man a list he nodded, stepping over her to retrieve the things she'd asked for {Name} adjusted her body to a more comfortable position. 

 

Placing a knee on the uninjured foot of the soldier {Name} closed index and thumb around the release mechanism, before pulling down a scarf from the hooks by the door. Waving it to get the man's attention he slowly propped himself up on his elbows.

 

_"Tie this just below your knee,"_ throwing it at him she adjusted her body as he sat up slowly, one of the other men coming forward to support his back "I need to reduce the blood flowing to the wound."

 

Though {Name} was sure he knew what the scarf was going to do, she felt the need to explain it. 

 

Eventually, the man came back with the items {Name} asked him to retrieve, shuffling to the side {Name} told him to be ready with a towel. 

 

_"Once I release this, you need to push his leg up and keep it elevated."_ Speaking slowly to him, {Name} waited for some form of understanding, a stiff nod being all she received.

 

Pulling the release mechanism the teeth of the trap relaxed, allowing {Name} start to pull them out the man's leg, he kicked out, catching {Name} in the chest. 

 

Shouting back up at him with a warning that if the trap sprung again, she'd be forced to amputate his foot, the soldier went an incredible white. 

 

With understanding between them {Name} adjusted her positioning, the trap eased away, the soldier waiting ready with the towel moved to do his part.

 

Taking care not to catch her hand {Name} set beside the door. 

 

With the threat out of the way, {Name} turned focus to her patient, a steady current of blood had already soaked through the towel, {Name} made them switch to a new one.

 

As it was, {Name} could not see the damage. Not with the boot and trouser leg in the way. 

 

With a quick glance, {Name} spied the soldier holding up the man's leg, and attached to his hip was a sheathed blade, a perfect tool for what {Name} needed to do.

 

Without asking, or even giving a warning {Name} unclipped the blade, the man lurching in surprise {Name} felt the atmosphere tense up as the knife raised.

 

Slicing down the leg of the trousers, one hand untied the lace of his boot. Placing the handle of the knife between the teeth, {Name} loosened the slashed material from where it had been suctioned inside the boot. 

 

With the blood filling up the leather making it difficult for {Name} to slip it off; {Name} didn't have time to waste on being gentle. 

 

Bringing a leg out from where {Name} sat on it, a booted foot stretched out, hitting against the injured man's thigh she pushed against him, the boot slowly releasing.

 

With a final tug, the boot came free, in doing so, it sent blood splashing up the door frame.

 

Throwing the boot behind {Name} pulled off the blood-logged sock, roughly pushing up the slashed trouser leg she was finally able to take a look at the extent of damage the trap had done.

 

Spitting out the blade {Name} grabbed her bag, a fresh set of gloves pulled on {Name} used her index finger to push into one of the bites the trap had left. 

 

Wriggling at the pain, {Name} told the man elevating the leg to hold it firmly. 

 

With the leg still, she once more pushed into the wound, barely losing the tip of her finger she was relieved to find that the holes were not deep.

 

Packing wadding into the holes that dotted the man's leg, {Name} cleaned one, using the salt to wipe its edges to remove any lingering rust from the trap and to disinfect the opening.

 

Quickly threading up a stitching needle {Name} cut away the torn flap of skin that had covered the hole. It was beyond saving and would risk infection if stitched over.

 

With the needle ready {Name} pinched the hole together, pushing the needle through at its top, she pulled the stitching thread tight to bring the skin together.

 

Repeating the action {Name}'s mouth filled with air, running an arm across her brow she tapped the shoulder of the man who'd assisted her. 

 

Offering the handle of the knife back to the man a small thanks was given for her use of it, in turn, he smiled, the blonde, brown scruff around his mouth softening his appearance.

 

_"Danke,"_ Taking back the knife he set it aside, his bloodstained hands slowly wiped on the one remaining clean towel.

 

_"No need to thank me bastard thr--!"_ cutting herself off a little too late {Name}'s mouth pursed when he looked back at her. 

 

Turning back to cleaning the leg she'd freshly stitched {Name} hummed nervously.

 

When it came down to their medical care, she felt as though it was possible for her to be assertive. Especially as they all appeared to be walking accidents, and had need of her. 

 

The mindset having extended over into the aftercare, her temporary name for the man beside her, slipped out.

 

_"So you've assigned us numbers then?"_ Apparently amused he tapped {Name}'s shoulder.

 

Swallowing nervously {Name} gave a sidelong glance _"I don't know your names. So I've numbered you in order of meeting you."_ Answering his question quietly {Name} searched for any sign that he was going to react poorly to the news she'd numbered them all.

 

Instead, he laughed. With a hand cupping over his mouth, the broad shoulders trembled as he tried to compose himself better.

Somewhat bemused {Name} almost leapt out her skin when his large hand clapped down on her shoulder.

 

_"You're an amusing little thing Fraulein,"_ steadying his voice; a quick cough cleared his throat of laughter _"My name's Mike."_

 

Introducing himself the hand slipped away from {Name}'s shoulder, held out in offering {Name} stared at it for a moment before taking it. 

 

Dwarfed by Mike's much larger hand {Name} was surprised by how lightly he held it, the gentle shake broke as he pointed to the quietly grumbling soldier she'd just patched up.

 

_"This idiot is Gunther."_ patting the man's leg Mike gave a half smile when Gunther replied in German with something {Name} did not fully understand. 

 

Though from a guess, it was far from polite.

 

With an unsure smile, {Name} tapped Gunther's leg, telling him to put it back down. Standing up {Name} stretched out her hands for Gunther to take, assisting the man to his feet, she moved under his arm to act as his support. 

 

With some effort they managed to hop through to the living room, easing him onto a chair {Name} pulled up a footstool, a cushion placed on it Gunther gingerly rested his leg on it.

 

_ "I will bandage it later, but for now let it get some air." _

 

With a nod given that Gunther understood, {Name} moved back out to the hallway.

 

It was a total mess. 

 

Littered with bloodied towels, and other pieces {Name} had used to fix up the man's leg. 

 

Sighing, {Name} knelt to collect the mess in a pile, bundling it inside one of the towels she carried it through to the kitchen.

 

Surprised to find the area scrubbed down {Name} could only see a faint stain from the man who'd died on the table. 

 

Finding that the broken cups and plates she'd thrown to the floor were gone too, a brow crooked up. 

 

It was not cleared up by her, so it left only the Germans.

 

Uncertain how to take their sudden propriety {Name} moved to the bin. 

 

Dumping the towels in the bin she removed the set of gloves, letting them join the others before {Name} once more scrubbed her skin raw at the kitchen sink.

 

An angry growl reminded {Name} why she'd initially wanted to leave her room. Drying her hands slowly {Name} scoped out the kitchen. 

 

The supplies at the start were limited, but with the unexpected extra mouths, things were in a more dire situation.

 

It had been {Name}'s intention the day they'd arrived to head out for supplies, of course, that plan failed, and she now doubted they would let her go.

 

Though with what {Name} knew of the war, her German guests were well behind enemy lines.

 

That in mind {Name} went to retrieve Farlan's reins from the corridor. A coat picked up off the hook {Name} threw it over her shoulders, searching the pocket {Name} was happy to find a somewhat crushed roll up. 

 

Smoothing it out it was quickly lit, a deep inhale of the dry tobacco {Name} savoured the burn that spread over her tongue.

 

The tobacco supply was also small, and another good reason to go to the village.

 

Stepping out the front door {Name} made sure not to knock the trap, even though it had already triggered, she'd known them to snap suddenly.

 

Throwing down the roll-up, {Name} brought both hands to her mouth. With a high pitched whistle sounding across the field, {Name} slowly jogged down when Farlan answered the call and trotted happily up the field.

 

Leaning up against the wall {Name} found a small cluster of the soldiers, though only one of them was to {Name}'s interest and slight disapproval. 

 

After their encounter that morning, Erwin was the very last person she wanted to see, or even have to speak with about anything.

 

Clicking her tongue {Name} held up the bit when Farlan pushed his nose against her face, a quiet whinny sounding he opened his mouth. 

 

It seemed to have let him roam the field freely, put {Name} back in his favour.

 

_ "Fraulein?" _

 

Erwin called for {Name}, though she chose to ignore him. Swinging a leg up onto the wall Farlan came to stand beside her, allowing her to mount quickly. 

 

The coat she'd thrown over him the night before serving in place of a proper saddle it took a moment of fidgeting to get comfortable, Farlan remaining still as she moved around until a gentle tap to his side started him to a trot.

 

Steadying Farlan when they reached the small cluster of soldiers {Name} kept her focus on the direction of the village.

 

_"I'm going for supplies. I won't be long."_ Giving the reason, {Name}, waited for any objections to be thrown out.

 

_"On your own?"_ The question did not come from Erwin, but the man beside him.

 

Turning {Name} recognised him as the one she'd broken the nose of, but then fixed. Or as she called him in her head, bastard number one.

 

_ "Yes. I can't exactly take anyone with me." _

 

Stating what should have been obvious {Name} gave a click of the tongue when the burly man tried to argue.

 

_ "Tell me, what do you think they will do if I trot in with one of you?"  _

 

Trying to keep the sarcasm from her voice, led to it sounding flat and monotone. 

 

_ "Currently you have three that are utterly useless. Not including the dead one," _

 

Speaking factually {Name} was forced to tug at Farlan's reins as he became agitated, circling him slowly {Name} looked back towards the direction of the village.

 

_ "My supplies are limited, if one of you bungling idiots get shot, I can not drag you back here, nor could I assist as more than likely, I'd have taken one." _

 

Presenting her argument, {Name} waited for one of them to counter. 

 

Their silence was telling {Name} all she needed to know.

 

_ "I will go with you." _

 

Taking a step forward the tan male {Name} knew to be Eren shot her a dirty look when she scoffed at the idea.

 

_"Your French is horrible. They'd spot you a mile off,"_ shooting down Eren's offer {Name} shook her head.

 

Giving assurance that she'd return {Name} snapped at Farlan's reins, setting off in a gentle trot. 

 

_"Try not to kill yourselves,"_ calling back a hand waved her departure _"Or at the very least, do so outside."_

 

Half expecting a gun trained on her back {Name} was pleasantly surprised they let her go. 

 

A quick glance over the shoulder reaffirming the matter that they'd allowed her to go {Name} leant forward, a firm pat given to Farlan's neck she allowed him to break out into a full run.

 

A small excited laugh bubbling up in her chest as the field became an almost blur {Name} relished the feeling of riding once more. 

 

Even if doing it bareback was more than a little uncomfortable.

 

Hair whipping wildly {Name} entered the alternative path that cut through the wood, slowing Farlan to a more comfortable pace {Name} kept her ears open.

 

Even though her German guests were behind enemy lines, that much confirmed by the lack of a chaperone, it did not mean that {Name} was entirely safe on her own. 

 

If they'd made it this far, there was potential for others to be lurking.

 

Approaching the village slowly {Name} was pleased to see, that it was still relatively untouched by the war. 

 

The quaint town was almost sleepy given that war was at its country's border.

 

The sloping paths busy with the villagers, it had not entirely escaped the fear. Though people were smiling, there was a tenseness about their movements.

 

Leading Farlan to a post {Name} dismounted slowly. Hands rubbing at her inner thighs {Name} stretched out her legs slowly. 

 

Riding bareback was not the wisest choice she'd made in a while, not when both legs were left aching. 

 

After a few moments, {Name} felt like she could walk normally, tying Farlan up {Name} gave him a gentle pat before setting off into the village's centre.

 

It was a pleasant change, to hear her language without the thick accents of another. The voices of the people passing, some stopping to greet her, was like music to the ears. 

 

It made {Name} feel at home once more.

 

Approaching the market stall {Name} was ready to call out to its owner, her voice catching when someone called out her name. 

 

For a fleeting moment, panic set in, thinking one of the soldiers had followed her. 

 

Turning slowly {Name} was relieved to see a familiar, and friendly face.

 

Dressed up in the army uniform, and with a broad and cocky grin spread over the males face. Jogging over to close the distance {Name} smiled up at the man when he reached her.

 

_ "It's been a while, Jean." _

 

Greeting Jean almost timidly {Name} frowned when his smile faded. A hand running up his cropped two-tone hair, Jean groaned quietly.

 

_"I keep forgetting that you're married. I got myself worked up seeing you here."_ With his usual cocky manner, Jean cocked a brow _"Unless that's changed?"_ Sounding almost hopeful of the idea Jean took a moment, face morphing into horror on realising what he'd said.

 

Face crestfallen {Name}'s head shook slowly _"Still married."_ Answering meekly {Name} averted her gaze from Jean's mortified expression.

 

Typically their greetings followed the same line, Jean jokingly asking if Levi was still in the picture, it was regularly followed up with the man in question appearing, and giving Jean a clout.

 

It hollowed out {Name}'s chest, knowing that it would never happen again.

 

Trying to recover Jean gave {Name}'s shoulder a gentle nudge _"I'm sorry, I didn't think."_

 

With a small laugh, {Name} gave a shrug _"When do you?"_

 

With feigned offence, Jean dramatically placed a hand on his chest _"You wound me, madam."_

 

Laughing over their awkward greeting {Name} turned back to the vegetable stall, quickly giving a list of what she wanted {Name} delved into her pockets for the required coinage.

 

Thankful she'd picked up the right coat on her departure, the large cloth bag passed over, once the coins settled in the fat woman's hand.

 

Without asking Jean took the bag from {Name}, the usual cocky smile that he wore showing when she attempted to protest _"It's the least I can do."_

 

Nodding her thanks {Name} turned, the next thing on her list, was the bakery. Though the selection as of late was always small, it was better than nothing.

 

In time, both Jean and {Name}'s arms laden. Bulk buying would hopefully mean not having to venture out too soon. 

 

As long as the men went gently on the food this time.

 

Stopping dead in her tracks Jean continued forward, speaking of things he'd witnessed at the front line, and how thankful he was to be on leave.

 

{Name} was free. Alone, completely alone.

 

The realisation hitting {Name} like a rush of cold water, her aching arms almost dropped the bags that she was carrying. 

{Name} Could very quickly take off. 

 

Leave and be free of the Germans.

 

_ "Jean?" _

 

Finally stopping in his tangent Jean turned, a fair distance had grown between them {Name} almost tripped in her hurry to catch up with him.

 

_ "Jean, I need your--!" _

 

As quickly as the words were to rush out, they swallowed down. 

 

In the corner of {Name}'s eye, a figure loomed. 

 

Resting casually atop a barrel, a cigarette hanging from the edge of his mouth it moved up with the slow curve of the smirk that adorned the lips.

 

Standing at her side, Jean gave {Name} an encouraging nudge with his elbow, hands filled with the shopping she had done his head tilted when {Name} remained silent.

 

_ "What is it?" _

 

Bringing his head up Jean scoped the area, eyes narrowed when they landed on the man {Name} had also taken notice of.

 

Dressed down in the slightly stained shirt, his grey uniform trousers and boots now easily passed for casual wear. 

 

Shirt sleeves rolled up above the elbow Mike retrieved the cigarette slowly, the smoke drifting out casually and calmly {Name} almost keeled over with his brazen attitude.

 

_"Who is that? I do not recognise him."_ Jean's question roused {Name} out of her almost stupor.

 

With a quick shake of the head, a shoulder rose in a half-hearted shrug. It would be easy to say she did not know; it would be even easier to out the man staring at her.

 

Weighing up the options {Name} gave the area a quick scope.

 

Jean in truth was the only soldier she had seen, the only other males being small children.

 

Outing Mike for who he was, would put everyone in the village at risk. Jean included.

 

_"Are you alone?"_ Asking quietly {Name} leant in towards Jean, head turning to reduce the chance Mike would be able to read her lips Jean snapped his head down, brows knitting at the question.

 

_"Yes,"_ seeming to understand what she was asking Jean moved to stand in front of her, but not enough that Mike was out of his view _"Is there something you need to tell me?"_

 

Voicing the concern {Name} gave a shake of the head.

 

_"I do not know whom he is,"_ lying quickly {Name} felt her stomach knot, she did not like it. 

 

Lying to a dear friend, lying about the danger sitting on his doorstep. 

 

It made {Name} feel sick, but she could not be selfish, she wanted to be free of them, but it was not worth the lives of the innocent people around her _"I was merely asking if he could have come back with you or any others."_

 

Taking {Name}'s lie at face value, Jean gave a small, thoughtful hum.

 

_"Probably just passing through then."_ Jean reasoned, a small smile lighting up the corner of his mouth _"As long as he is not my competition?"_

 

Thankful Jean's suspicion faded as quickly as it roused {Name} managed a weak laugh.

 

Signalling Jean to start moving once more {Name} spared a glance at Mike, his posture looking far more relaxed than it should have been for where he was, {Name} tore her gaze away.

 

For now {Name} wanted to enjoy Jean's company, to forget the mess that she found herself in, and act like she was not on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

 

Turning to the window, {Name} sighed heavily. With it being winter, the sky was already darkening, meaning {Name} would have to head back soon. 

 

Travelling at night was very merely, asking for trouble. Finishing up the glass of wine {Name} was tempted to order another, the villages local pub surprisingly stocked, it did not take long to realise why. 

 

Without the men, there was only a few elder gentleman there to drink. Jean himself was still nursing his sixth drink, a small amount of the amber liquid rolling around the glass as he tilted it he quickly drained it.

 

Placing the glass back down with what appeared to be reluctance Jean twisted in the stool. One arm draped over the bar his bloodshot eyes bore into her own.

 

_ "Stay." _

 

Unsure what Jean meant {Name} lifted a brow sharply _"What?"_

 

Sucking in a breath, Jean took on a troubled expression, hand gliding up the back of his two-toned hair.

 

_ "Stay here. With me tonight." _

 

Rambling Jean leant forward, a hand falling on her own, he gave it a gentle squeeze. 

 

Bemused by the outburst {Name} gave Jean a laugh in response, it was probably the drink talking for him. 

 

Watching Jean's face, however, made {Name} stop, there was no playfulness in his eyes, he was serious.

 

_"Jean, I am married."_ Though it hurt, to use Levi as an excuse, rather than an actual reason, she was not about to hop beds, especially when Levi's was still warm. 

 

It had only been a day ago, that he had passed, {Name} could not forget that and go into the arms of another. Not when {Name} had only ever known Levi.

 

With an agonised groan Jean sat back _"You are right,"_ taking back his hand Jean came over bashful, face flushed and unable to look {Name} in the eye _"Please forget I said that?"_

 

Grinning {Name} nodded once, a hand patting Jean's shoulder lightly {Name} slid off the stool "Good night, Jean" taking her leave {Name} managed a small laugh. 

 

Of all the things that could happen, being propositioned by Jean was unlikeliest. Giving it no more thought {Name} watched the shadows that slowly spread across the village, the sun creeping closer to the horizon line, the sky was painted with pinks, orange and purple. 

 

The night fast approaching, it was time to head back to her dirty little secret.

 

Farlan already loaded up with the supplies, all {Name} needed was to untie, and mount up.

 

That was all {Name} needed to do.

 

Misleading Mike would be easy.

 

Though {Name} could not see him, there was no doubt that he was close by, keeping watch over what she was doing. 

 

Once out of the village, and back on the road, she could drop the supplies and take off on Farlan. 

 

There was no chance that Mike would be able to keep up. 

 

Idea tempting {Name} made to untie the reins, a sugar lump offered in the flat of her palm Farlan snatched it up greedily.

 

Guiding the reins back over Farlan's head, a shift in the shadows made {Name} stop. 

 

Turning slowly {Name} paused when a figure crept forward. 

 

Resting at the edge of the building calmly the blue eyes appeared brighter when consumed by shadows, giving Erwin a far more sinister appearance, it unsettled {Name}.

 

Giving the area a quick scope {Name} was pleased to find their immediate vicinity empty. Tugging the reins down {Name} walked Farlan in a circle, halting him at the edge of the building that Erwin was resting against he moved forward with the cover Farlan provided.

 

_ "Are you trying to get me killed?" _

 

Whispering harshly {Name} placed a hand on Farlan's shoulder to keep him steady.

 

_ "You have been making an excellent attempt at that yourself." _

 

Answering coolly Erwin walked in front of Farlan, a gloved hand taking hold of his reins it brought the stallion to a standstill and allowed Erwin to look up at {Name}.

 

_ "Pardon?" _

 

Astonished at the suggestion, {Name} was readying to tell Erwin that he was shot in the head. 

 

That was until it dawned what Erwin was trying to say. 

 

Mike had seen Jean and {Name} together, wearing the French army uniform it made sense the conclusion they'd no doubt jumped too.

 

_ "I did not say anything." _

 

Giving quiet assurance {Name} tapped at Farlan's shoulder, forcing Erwin to release the reins and step aside as the steed moved forward.

 

_ "You expect me to believe you, Fraulein?" _

 

Using the sacks {Name} hauled herself up onto Farlan, thighs still aching from the ride earlier a grimace twisted her mouth.

 

_"I do not expect you to believe me,"_ guiding Farlan to move into a position that kept Erwin out of view a tug on the reins brought him to another halt. 

 

_"I am many things. However, stupid is not one of them."_ Frustrated by the accusation {Name} would betray them a jolt from Farlan forced {Name} to squeeze her thighs at the horse's side to stay saddled.

 

Stepping back when Farlan became agitated Erwin offered up a coy smile. 

 

Turning in the direction they needed to go, Erwin, gave {Name} an unreadable look from over his shoulder. _"I think you misunderstood me again Fraulein,"_ taking a hold on the reins a gentle tug set Farlan in motion, Erwin slowly guiding them up the darkening road _"I was asking whether you were comfortable enough with us, that you would expect to be trusted?"_

 

At the question, {Name}'s eyes widened. Was Erwin honestly suggesting that she'd kept her silence, for her want to stay with them?

 

_"You deluded cur!"_ Sniping in return {Name} was half tempted to kick him in the back _"Don't think for a second I want to help you or even stay!"_ Lowering her voice to keep from drawing attention {Name} sat back when Erwin released the reins, stopping once more he waited until {Name} came up to his side before resuming his relaxed pace.

 

_"Fraulein,"_ Erwin tilted his gaze to meet hers _"You had the perfect opportunity to leave when your little soldier propositioned you."_

 

_"Tha-- What?!"_ Prepared to argue Erwin's point it caught at the tip of her tongue. It was only then {Name} noticed Erwin no longer wore his uniform, but civilian clothes _"You heard that?"_

 

Once more adopting a coy expression, Erwin lifted a thick brow _"You are not only a necessity but a liability Fraulein."_

 

With Erwin's visage becoming unreadable again; Erwin tapped a finger against {Name}'s boot.

 

_"We had no choice but to let you go today, your argument was a sound one,"_ taking the hand away Erwin tucked it in the coat pocket he'd somehow managed to acquire. 

 

_ "But we could not risk you stumbling across help, it was necessary to tail you." _

 

Inhaling sharply {Name} snapped Farlan's reigns, heel digging into his hind leg he broke into a run.

 

With a knot forming in her stomach {Name} allowed the tears to flow freely. It was never a matter of wanting to stay; it was very much the opposite. 

 

When Jean opened the door for {Name}, offering a chance to get away with ease, it was not them; that made her refuse. 

 

Though Jean was none the wiser, in a day, she had become a widow. 

 

With the war raging on, there had always been a good chance that would happen. Just not the way it had.

 

The mere idea of going to bed with another man was the furthest thing from her mind. 

 

No matter the situation, she could not bring herself to do it, to allow a man to take her, while Levi was barely cold in his grave.

 

It was preposterous for Erwin even to think that she would. To use Jean in such a cruel manner, was unthinkable.

 

Taking the path through the woodland, {Name} brought Farlan to a slow trot. Trees bare of their foliage it did nothing to thin out the branches.

 

Their gnarled and twisted fingers blocking out the moonlight {Name} felt as though she was riding blind.

 

A distant snap made {Name}'s head turn, the direction hard to decipher with the echo it created she made Farlan stand still.

 

Listening {Name}'s skin prickled when a collection of twigs snapping echoed around her.

 

There was not a chance Erwin could have caught up. 

 

A part of {Name} genuinely hoped that Mike would appear from the trees, or that a wild animal would scuttle out of the brush.

 

Heart pounding {Name}'s breath caught in her throat when a hand closed around her arm. 

 

Dragged down from the horse {Name} made to scream, the sound trapped by the giant hand that closed over her mouth. 

 

With an arm tight around the shoulders, {Name} found herself pinned against a broad chest, hot breath gliding over her cheek when a mouth came to press against the ear.


	6. Chapter 6

Legs kicking {Name}'s fingernails clawed at the giant arm, whimpering breaths beating against the hand covering both mouth and nose {Name}'s heart fluttered in relief when a familiar voice whispered in her ear. 

 

_"It's me Fraulein,"_ Mike's deep voice was welcome, though still alarming, he took away the hand covering her mouth _"Stay calm, we have visitors."_

 

Explaining the reason behind the rough handling {Name} almost went to kick up a fuss. 

 

Until the cold lick of metal pressed under {Name}'s breast _"Don't make me use it Fraulein. I've never had to kill a woman,"_ positioning {Name} so that her body trapped between his muscular thighs Mike repositioned his grip on her shoulder _"I don't want you to be the first."_

 

Sounding oddly upset by the idea {Name} tried her best to relax. A barely noticeable rustling approaching from behind {Name} felt Mike's head turn, the scruff of beard scratching at her hair. 

 

_"Mike?"_ Barely making a sound, his hand gave her shoulder a squeeze, head turning back the chin settled on her head once more _"It's Erwin."_

 

Unsure whether that was something to be relieved, or pissed over {Name} turned her head away when Erwin crouched in her peripheral.

 

_"What's the situation?"_ Whispering Erwin steadied his feet.

 

Above Mike's head lifted, allowing movement of his jaw without continually knocking against her head as he spoke: _"Eren spotted them coming up from the west."_

 

West?

 

That would suggest they were coming up from Bourges.

 

_ "Fraulein?" _

 

Without needing to be asked, {Name} knew what they wanted of her. Shifting in Mike's hold, {Name} remained silent. 

 

Digging the heel of a boot into the dirt to keep herself from sliding {Name} shook her head when a branch cracked a little too close for her liking. 

 

If not for the knife jutted against her rib, {Name} would have called out, but with the threat of being discovered, she chose to be silent.

 

In time Mike's hand slid down her body, wrapping at her waist a gentle pull made {Name} push back. Using each other's body for the support they stood, guided back by Mike's arm, Erwin led their retreat from the clearing.

 

Farlan having been startled by her sudden removal from him oddly remained in the clearing, hoof occasionally scratching at the ground, he mixed it up with shaking out his glossy mane.

 

With the noise drawing the French soldiers {Name} made a rash decision. 

 

Four rapid clicks of the tongue and Farlan's head raised.

 

The sharp tip of the knife tucked under her breast pinched at the skin. Mike's hold tightening Erwin paused in their retreat.

 

Ignoring the pain at her rib {Name} gave a quick succession of clicks, the sound forming an almost melodic pattern, she hoped it was correct, for Levi had never actually taught it to her.

With a soft whinny, almost like he understood, their eyes met.

 

Even in the dark, Farlan looked forlorn but determined.

 

Head up Farlan looked every bit the proud stallion he was, rearing up his magnificent form, the supplies dropped off his back.

 

Clopping his hooves loudly Farlan made an incredible amount of noise, almost hopping around until he broke out into a full gallop, back the way they'd come.

 

Shouts rang up across the woodland. Giving away their positions {Name} couldn't help but feel ashamed for their stupidity. Hanging her head {Name} held back a groan when the rush of boots across the leaf and twig-littered floor built to a cacophony until it faded into the distance.

 

A long and palpable silence spread between the trio. 

 

Still hugged against Mike's chest {Name} relaxed when the knife was taken away from her breast, the hand at her waist drifting down it hit upon her hip, a gentle squeeze given {Name} almost recoiled.

 

_"Clever little Fraulein."_ Once more pressing against her ear, Mike murmured the praise.

 

_"Don't thank me,"_ forcing out of Mike's hold {Name} stumbled across the wood _"Thank the man one of you bastards shot."_

 

Returning to the clearing {Name} stared down at the sacks of supplies. Eyes rolling {Name} moved away from them, arms wrapped around to hug her body {Name} kept her head down.

 

From behind {Name} could hear the murmurings passed back and forth between Erwin and Mike. Their shoulders and arms occupied by the sacks {Name} could only understand snippets of their conversation, but not enough to make sense of it. 

 

At most, {Name} knew that she was the topic of discussion, still unaware of her name, she was always referred to as _"Fraulein."_

 

_ "{Name}." _

 

Calling back to them {Name} could tell the two men stopped, no doubt their faces wearing their confusion.

 

_ "My name is {Name}." _

 

Clarifying what she was trying to tell them {Name} carried on walking across the field, the soft glow of the cottage absent she guessed they'd gone for the abandoned look, hoping not to draw the French soldiers to them.

 

Stopping for a brief moment {Name} stared up at the building.

 

Using Farlan as a decoy, served to seal Erwin's point further.

 

Levi aside, Jean gave {Name} a chance to be free. 

 

Conflicted emotions were not a viable excuse; if she'd reasoned, she knew Levi would understand. Jean no doubt would have been upset, or even angry, but he too would have appreciated the situation. 

 

Back in the clearing {Name} had the tables turned, even if it resulted in Mike driving the knife into her chest. 

 

They would have been cornered; she would have still been alive when her countryman reached her to rat them out and give up their location.

 

Rounding on the two men walking up behind {Name} took advantage of the fact their hands were full. Hand springing out {Name} swung the back of it at Erwin, catching him sharply across the jaw the sound emitted echoed around them.

 

Not even waiting to find out if it hurt Erwin as much as it did {Name}'s hand it was curled against her chest. 

 

Rubbing the back of the now throbbing hand {Name} almost marched the last few meters, kicking open the gate she stopped as the door opened.

 

Almost doe-like eyes staring down at {Name}, the bumbling German stepped out of the way when she pushed on through.

 

Taking the stairs in two's she ignored the voices calling after her, the throbbing of the hand becoming an issue {Name} paused outside her door. 

 

Shaking the hand wildly as if it would help with the pain, she stamped on the floor, all the while hissing and cursing.

 

Ceasing in her flailing when the creak of step alerted {Name} to the presence of another, her body seized up. At the mouth of the stairs Erwin lingered, visually calm, his eyes held a look she'd not yet played witness.

 

The raw red of his left cheek answering {Name}'s wondering if it hurt him, as much as it had her. 

 

A slight scratch sitting in the centre of the red patch dribbled a small bead of blood down his clenched jaw.

 

The moment Erwin took a step forward, {Name}'s body moved.

 

Finding the handle {Name} turned it quickly, throwing her body against it {Name} tripped backwards into the room. Falling on her rear a foot kicked out to close the door, Erwin's raised arm catching it before it slammed back into the frame. 

 

Pushing across the floor {Name} yelped when her back met with the wall, shrinking her body against it both legs drawn tight against her chest. 

 

Arms holding them tightly in place {Name} buried her face down.

 

A painfully long silence enveloped the room.

 

Heart hammering, it skipped a couple of beats when Erwin tapped at her leg with the tip of his boot.

 

_"Fraulein,"_ cold and cutting Erwin demanded her attention _"Look at me."_

 

Trying to get the quivering of her jaw under control {Name} slowly raised her head, though it remained tucked in the relative safety of her crossed over arms. 

 

Vision blurry {Name} hiccuped quietly, a few quick blinks clearing up her sights {Name} took a gulping breath when she found Erwin crouched in front of her.

 

_ "Thank you." _

 

The two simple words shocked {Name} into a forced calm. Mouth holding back the shaky breaths of her crying {Name} could only stare back.

 

What was Erwin up to?

 

Seeing the uncertainty in her, a sigh flared his nose. Fingers rubbing his reddened cheek Erwin pulled back the hand when it touched upon the thin slither of blood. 

 

Running the thumb over the bright liquid Erwin's thick brows rose in something akin to surprise _"You didn't have to help us back there,"_ dropping the hand to rest on the other between his legs he wiped the blood away on the trouser leg _"We were in a serious pinch. Your quick thinking changed that."_

 

Expressing gratitude for {Name}'s act of betrayal Erwin's mouth flicked up at the corners to resemble something she could only assume was his genuine smile.

 

Erwin was undoubtedly driving insult into the injury, whether intentional or not. The gratitude for her actions was far from welcome.

 

"Get some rest," pushing up Erwin straightened up swiftly, a hand patting lightly at {Name}'s head she tipped away from the contact "You're certainly proving to be a worthwhile investment, {Name}."

 

Hearing her actual name roll out of Erwin's mouth made {Name} shudder. 

 

The foolish act of giving it up was just one more piece she'd placed in his arsenal.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Crawling to the door, {Name} turned the key, with the door secured she almost hugged it, hand dragging down her nails scratched at the wood.

 

Twisting until {Name}'s back was rested against the door, she resumed hugging at her legs, head buried in the small gap her shoulders shook with the dry racking sobs that continued to plague her.

 

_ "What happened?" _

 

Reaching out from {Name}'s side Levi gently turned her shaking hand, the giant bite mark spreading in a semi-circle at the edge of her palm.

 

_ "Farlan bit me." _

 

Sniffing out the answer {Name} put her hand back under the tap, the cold water soothing the burning like sensation that spread across the palm.

 

A soft, snorting sound at her side brought {Name} to look up at Levi. Back resting against the kitchen side he'd folded his arms, head tilted to look back at her.

 

_ "He's warming up to you then." _

 

Bemused by the idea that Farlan trying to take a chunk out of her hand meant that he was growing to like her, a snort was returned.

 

_ "How does that make sense?" _

 

Taking the hand out from under the tap {Name} wrapped it in a towel, her hip touching the edge of the sink as she leant on it.

_ "It's his thing. That and chewing hair." _

 

Explaining Levi reached out, running the lightly frayed tips of {Name}'s plait between his fingers a smile warmed up his otherwise stoic expression.

 

_ "Is that why you keep yours short?" _

 

Placing a kiss on Levi's wrist from where it still lingered in her hair a smile danced across {Name}'s mouth when Levi's eyes darted from her own.

 

_ "Partly the reason, yes." _

 

Pressing in towards {Name}'s body their mouths lingered close together, a sharp set of knocks at the front door making Levi curse under his breath, a quick peck was given before he stepped away.

 

Eyes flickering behind the lids {Name}'s head rolled to the side, feeling as though she was about to fall, her body lurched up.

 

One leg hovering in the air {Name}'s arms were thrown out at her side, hitting the cold floor she had caught herself before she slid off the rest she'd made of the door.

 

Balancing {Name} dropped the leg, pushing at the floor to shuffle up the door, her aching shoulders hit back against the wood.

 

_ "Fraulein?" _

 

From behind the door, a voice called, another set of knocks rattling the wood {Name} drew a hand down her face. Coming away wet, a grimace twisted up her mouth on discovering she'd dribbled in her sleep.

 

_ "Frau--!" _

 

Cutting the troubled man off by thumping her fist back against the door {Name} peeled herself off the floor.

 

Unlocking the door {Name}'s body filled the gap, eyes still hazy from sleep she was barely able to focus on the man trying to coax her out the room. 

 

The green doe-like eyes almost imploring, {Name} felt actual guilt for keeping him waiting. The man was nearly so innocent that the harsh grey and insignia of his uniform did not fit him.

 

With the man not saying another word, but merely making a sweeping gesture to encourage her towards the steps {Name} moved

 

A little rigid from riding bareback the night before, she made an odd wiggle of her hips at the foot of the stairs, trying to ease the ache in her thighs without outright standing and massaging them.

 

Back of the hand bearing a hint of bruising {Name} shoved it inside the coat pocket, still wearing the clothes from the night before her neck rolled, clicking with the motion a relieved sigh filtered from her mouth. 

 

A disgusted noise coming from the living room doorway {Name} watched the man she'd hit with the gun hop back into the room. 

 

Apparently, he was still bearing a grudge for the moment of their meeting.

 

With a clueless look to the reason of being called down given to the doe-eyed male, his head pointed towards the front garden, a roll of the eyes was resisted at his mime act, {Name} opened the door.

 

The sight that met her made {Name}'s heart flip-flop, and for once with genuine happiness.

 

Coming up the field in a manner like a sulking child Farlan whinnied, head shaking out his mane before pushing his large nose against the man guiding him. 

 

Not trusting in her legs enough to run, and not wanting to make a fool of herself a slow stroll carried {Name} down to the garden wall to meet them.

 

Warm brown eyes staring back in a less than pleased manner {Name} was not surprised when Farlan's head turned away from the outstretched hand. 

 

For a horse, he possessed a lot of attitudes that sometimes made {Name} forget that he was in fact, just a horse. 

 

Body bending over the wall {Name} brushed the tips of her fingers through Farlan's soft, but leaf and twig-littered mane. 

 

Bruised hand fumbling in the pocket {Name} was pleased to find a crumbled sugar cube, the fragmented lumps cupped in the palm, she offered it out to the sulking steed.

 

Large nostrils sniffing, Farlan's head turned to the hand waving the sugary treat, a huff of breath given before his nose-dived into {Name}'s open palm greedily. 

 

Farlan must have been hungry, stuck out God only knew where for the whole night.

 

Lost for words {Name} was not sure what to say, a show of gratitude was probably expected, and {Name} would have readily given it. If not for the suspicion of ulterior motives being behind Farlan's retrieval.

 

With a sidelong glance, {Name} met with the man, face placid, and almost as unreadable as Erwin's.

 

_"There's no need to be so suspicious,"_ removing the cigarette hanging at the corner of his mouth, Mike moved to rest against the wall _"It's merely small thanks for saving our skin last night."_

 

Offering the cigarette out to {Name} it was taken slowly, thumb running over the butt it was thankfully dry of spittle and so placed in her mouth. 

 

Dragging in a deep breath of the cigarette {Name} exhaled slowly, cigarette rolling between finger and thumb she carefully organised her thoughts before speaking.

 

_"Thank you."_ mumbling {Name} took another deep inhale on the cigarette, a figure in the corner of her eye taking attention, her head twisted.

 

With a smart incline of the head given Erwin's cheek was clear of any sort of bruising, even the thin scratch from this distance appeared to be non-existent.

 

_"Devious little swine!"_ Growling, {Name} tore her gaze from the smug faced Erwin. 

 

Fingers pinching on the cigarette butt with the sharp inhale {Name} almost forgot Mike's presence until his breath hit upon her ear.

 

_ "I get the feeling Erwin done something rather particular, to stoke your fire Fraulein." _

 

Mike's words acting as a trigger, a hand slapped across {Name}'s eyes as her mind replayed the moment Erwin witnessed her naked body. 

 

A self-pitying groan rumbling around the mouth {Name} felt the flush of heat creep across her face. If not for Mike's almost question, she was sure that the mortifying moment would have remained buried in her mind.

 

Angling away from Mike's unnecessarily close face {Name} threw down the cigarette, head turned to allow her hair to fall over the shoulder and act as a curtain, {Name} waved off the suggestion.

 

_ "I'm not exactly fond of any of you." _

 

The few men who kept out of {Name}'s way and the bumbling nervous man earned brownie points for keeping mainly to themselves.

 

Overall, though, {Name} disliked all of them.

 

Catching the nod of Mike's head through a gap in her hair {Name} watched him stroke at the beard that surrounded his mouth. 

 

_"That was not what I was asking,"_ Using two fingers to push {Name}'s hair back behind an ear Mike captured her attention in the way that he was staring at her _"I want to know what it was that Erwin has done, that made you reserve a look especially for him."_

 

Bewildered by the question, {Name} leant back on one foot. Brow knitting in the centre her mouth parted, before snapping closed. 

 

It appeared that Mike was very much alike to Erwin in respect of trying to coerce {Name} into being more open, with a few smoothly worded, but indirect questions.

 

Throwing focus on the back of the bruised and sore hand {Name} gave two quick shakes of the head. 

 

Not a chance was {Name} going to speak of the matter, not only had it wounded her pride but cracked open the seal on a memory better left forgotten. 

 

It was far too personal to blab about, and so it would remain unknown to anyone unless Erwin chose to speak of it.

 

_"He is the one spearheading this, that is all."_ Hopping over the wall with the intention to return Farlan to the barn, and offer up some food as a way of apology {Name} twitched when Mike's hand fell across to block her path.

 

Tipping her body to the side {Name} brushed around Mike's extended fingers, half expecting him to make a second attempt at keeping her from moving freely, a rush of relief came when she managed to slip by. 

 

Looping Farlan's reins {Name} gave a click of the tongue, the horse falling into step without issue, they strolled calmly down towards the barn.

 

Head buried deep in the bucket {Name} watched Farlan from one of the hay bundles. Legs crossed {Name} tapped idly at her scuffed boots, whispering the words of a song into the barn, Farlan's soft crunching matched with {Name}'s pitch. 

 

The noise each of them made coming to a musical rhythm.

 

Throwing her body onto the hay {Name} stretched both arms above her head, taking away the tension in the shoulders a satisfied sigh came when a series of clicks came from each limb. 

 

Bringing the arms back {Name} placed them on her stomach, fingers drumming along to the hem of the coat she drove her fingers into the trousers.

 

Each finger felt along the ridge of flesh that stretched like a smile from one hip to the other. Painted a horrific purple, it stood out boldly on her skin, serving as a constant reminder of the body part she'd lost, a long time ago.

 

At the time, they'd called it a complication, the operation a necessity for both {Name} and the baby. 

 

Trusting in the doctors, Levi had signed the forms permitting the caesarian as {Name} had lost consciousness.

 

The doctor leading the operation had been entirely out of his depth. Having never performed a caesarian, he'd made a fatal blunder in the incision. 

 

The end result was an outcome neither Levi nor herself ever wanted, the final agonising blow was given, when {Name} was told that she would not be able to bare another child.

 

Eyes falling to a close {Name} dragged her hands back from the scar, placing them over her face a deep breath was taken to steady her mind. 

 

It was of no use lamenting over long past events, especially now of all times. Rolling onto her side one arm tucked beneath the head {Name} wriggled until a comfortable position was found.

 

No longer feeding Farlan walked himself back into the pen, having had a fill of excitement, he looked pleased to be back in the quiet of the barn. 

 

Rising slowly {Name} plodded over to close his gate, before turning to leave.

 

Back up at the cottage a few of the soldiers lounged in the garden, clouds of smoke from both breathing and cigarettes wafted around their faces. 

 

They looked to be laughing, possibly joking around as a few of them shoved and elbowed each other.

 

The happy little scene made {Name} sick, wanting nothing more for them to be gone, and the whole scenario to of been some cruel dream.

 

No matter how hard {Name} fooled herself, it was not going to turn out that way. The cold and harsh reality was, they were there to stay. 

 

With a dull throb starting at the temples {Name} whimpered, a real headache was not what she needed on top of a metaphorical one.

 

Kneading at the pulsing {Name} ambled blindly up the garden path, feet moving on memory they led her into the building she'd once called home.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Another knock to {Name}'s back set her fingers curling painfully around the handle of the spoon. 

 

Though the kitchen was spacious, it was not designed to hold twenty or so bodies all at once. 

 

The men practically climbing over each other to reach the table, and the temporary extension made with the one they'd taken from the dining room, it left little space between the stove, and them.

 

Using the spoon to stab down into the thick broth bubbling on the stove {Name} hummed her frustration through tightly sealed lips.

 

Somehow {Name} was roped into cooking for them, the conversation leading up to her being stood at the kitchen side and preparing them dinner more than a little hazy.

 

It was only when she'd begun dropping the ingredients into the large pot, that she realised just what she was doing.

 

Having turned to throw the spoon at the few gathered in the room at the time, the bumbling thanks of the doe-eyed man stopped her. 

 

It pained {Name} to admit, but his innocence was starting to become her weakness. 

 

The idea of yelling and refusing to cook, brought up the image of his face crestfallen, and it struck her right in the chest.

 

Holding tighter on the spoon {Name} took a deep, calming breath. At what point, had {Name} come to sympathise with them?

 

The thought of poisoning their food cropped up on more than a couple of occasions as she prepped their soon to be meal. Even a laxative would have sufficed for some amusement, if not for the fact there was only one bathroom.

 

The idea of fully grown men running around under threat of defecating themselves, made {Name} laugh out loud. 

 

A hand quickly cupping the sound she bowed forward, shoulders trembling under strain to regain composure, she did not want to draw their attention any more than their loudly growling stomachs already did.

 

Calling out for a rough guess on how long the food would be, {Name} answered them with a show of fingers, index finger pointed up, to say that only one more minute was needed.

 

Turning off the heat {Name} gave the thick broth one final stir before switching spoon for ladle. Taking out a serving for Gunther, who was still confined to the living room, {Name} set it aside.

 

Using two towels to hook around the handles {Name} took the heavy pan from the stove, turning slowly she was grateful two of the soldiers parted, allowing her to slide the pan into the centre.

 

_ "Enjoy." _

 

Slapping the towels up onto a shoulder {Name} watched the men dive in for the pan. 

 

Bowls quickly passing down the line to be filled a hand ran across the forehead, they were like children. 

 

With one taking lead on serving up, the others held onto their bowls, thrusting them out when it came to their turn before snatching them back, like they genuinely believed someone was going to take it from them.

 

It continued down the table until the two men sat in deep conversation at the far end. Almost huddled away from the others now messily eating and arguing over bread, Erwin and Mike spoke quietly among themselves.

 

The sharp thunk of metal striking against wood brought {Name}'s head snapping round, hands out and scrambling to catch the projectile spoon she finally managed to pin it between a hand and a thigh.

 

The two men who'd split apart for {Name} when she'd placed the food down, were once more sitting as far apart as possible. Having moved out of the way of the almost weaponized spoon {Name} found the source of its volatile trip in the doe-eyed male.

 

Eyes unnaturally wide a clear stream of nervous sweating rolled down his forehead, jaw quivering up and down as though he was trying to apologise {Name}'s brow shot up, waiting to see if the man would eventually find his voice.

 

_ "Bertholdt, you prat!" _

 

Slamming down a giant fist the blonde male at his side reprimanded the man {Name} was slowly coming to believe was a little, simple.

 

_"I-I didn't--"_ hands up almost defensively the doe-eyed man shook his head back and forth _"It wasn't meant to hit her, Reiner!"_

 

Rolling her eyes {Name} straightened up, unsure who the spoon was intended for it was tossed back into the centre of the table, the hand it had been caught in wiped on one of the tea towels at her shoulder.

 

Far from impressed by their less than acceptable table manners {Name} shrugged off the stuttering apology Bertholdt finally managed to spit out.

 

Picking up the extra serving {Name} took a clean spoon from the drawer, closing it with a push of the hip she slid behind the men hunched over their food.

 

Taking care not to let any slip over the side of the bowl a deep sigh left her once freed of the overly busy kitchen. Clearly, they'd have to set a schedule for meal times, having all but one packed into the room was stifling.

 

Shaking out the thought {Name} continued into the living room, Gunther tucked in the corner armchair by the window he glanced up when she entered.

 

_"Dinner."_ Holding up the bowl {Name} took up the stall beside him, hands out and waiting to receive his food she was pleased to hear that Gunther possessed manners, even if the thanks was barely whispered.

 

Stretching down to Gunther's bandaged leg {Name} poked her tongue into the side of her cheek thoughtfully. 

 

While Gunther was distracted {Name} moved to inspect the healing, and check for any sign of infection. Moving from the stool to the one propping up the injured leg Gunther thankfully made little fuss when it was lifted, her body sliding onto the stool, the foot rested across her own.

 

Picking away the safety pins that secured the bandaging {Name} slowly unwound them, carefully slipping them out from under his leg she angled his leg from one side to the other.

 

Swollen and angry looking, the stitched flesh was clear of any weeping. 

 

Pushing gently at the sides {Name} ignored the hiss of discomfort Gunther made, no sign of puss or discolouration to be found a satisfied nod was given.

 

_"I think you will be fine to move around in a day or two,"_ picking up a fresh roll of bandaging {Name} unravelled it slowly, a thumb keeping the first layer in place _"Just don't try and overdo it."_

 

Grunting in reply Gunther turned away when {Name} peeked up, a brow lifting questioningly she waited for him to finish up the small strop he'd adopted.

 

_"I don't know why we even kept you alive."_ Speaking bluntly Gunther seized up, fingers biting into the rests of the chair when {Name} pushed thumb and index into two of the hunting traps bite marks. _"Because you're a feckless prat who decided to put his foot in a trap!"_ Sniping in return {Name} applied another bout of pressure on the wounds, Gunther's back crawling up the chair as he ground his teeth together.

 

Reaching a silent understanding {Name} resumed wrapping up Gunther's leg. Slotting in the last pin {Name} gave it a purposeful pat, relishing almost when Gunther flinched at the contact.

 

_"Now, rest up."_ dropping his foot as she slid out from under it, a smile danced across her mouth at the small yelp that jumped out Gunther's mouth.

 

It was little victories like that one that kept {Name} motivated and focused. The whole time they waltzed in baring one injury or another, it assured her safety. 

 

A strange blessing to be bestowed, but a blessing nonetheless.

 

Twisting round the kitchen door at the loud, and quite boisterous shouts {Name} pinched the bridge of her nose. 

 

Head knocking against the frame {Name} whined quietly at the soldier's discovery of the wine that had been stored in the pantry.

 

Glasses emptied of water; they were now being filled with various shades of yellow and red.

With the sense that the night was going to be a long, and headache inducing one {Name} backed away from their celebrations. It was best not to be caught in the mix, especially not when alcohol was involved. Up until that moment they'd been respectful, lacking in some manners, but well behaved nonetheless.

 

Moving silently toward the staircase {Name} paused her ascent when a bottle waved in her face. Resting over the bannister, Mike offered up an almost charming, innocent smile.

 

_"Care to join me?"_ Extending an invitation, Mike lent further over the bannister _"I don't bite."_

As if the sentence alone was meant to make {Name} feel secure she pressed against the railing, elbow placed in the gap between his dangling hands {Name} placed her chin in the open palm _"I'd rather reset that trap and put my foot in it."_ Nodding at the mentioned object a swift, yet forced smile lifted the corners of {Name}'s mouth _"Good night Mike."_

 

Breaking away from the bannister {Name} recoiled when Mike's hand latched around a wrist. Swallowing {Name}'s gaze flicked to Mike's, expecting to find them angry, her mind flipped from fear to confusion at the softness still held within his face.

 

_"Fraulein, we're going to be spending a long time together,"_ sliding his hand back from the wrist, his fingers hooked gently at the tips of her own _"Is it not best to be better acquainted?"_

Shoulders hunched against the evening chill {Name} continued in the silent argument that she was embroiled in, in her head.

 

The neck of the wine bottle gripped tightly {Name} took a swig, half tempted to knock the whole bottle down her throat, she held back. Getting inebriated was not in her plans, nor did she want to make herself any more vulnerable than she was.

 

Passing the bottle back the cigarette was returned to her mouth, the free hand tapping a rhythm on the lid of the barrel she was sitting on {Name} hummed along with Mike's one side conversation. 

 

Nodding and making small noises at the crucial moments to give the impression she was listening {Name} stopped when Mike let out a bark of laughter. 

 

The baritone notes startling {Name}, it almost toppled her from the barrel.

 

Fingers biting tightly at its edges {Name} shot a look across at the thoroughly amused man.

 

Unaware of what was so amusing {Name} could only watch as he attempted to calm himself, fingers wiping at the laugh-induced tears collecting in the corner of each golden eye, he doubled over. 

 

Hands gripping at the knees Mike continued to snigger, occasionally breaking it up with a full on laugh.

 

_"What?"_ Becoming aggravated by the lack of explanation {Name} shifted around on the barrel _"What is so funny?"_ Almost snapping {Name} could only wait for Mike to calm himself.

 

Slowly Mike rose up, hand seeking out the wine bottle he took a mouthful, calming to an occasional snort "I didn't think you were listening, and you clearly weren't."

Sitting straight {Name}'s head gave a small shake.

 

_"I asked if you wanted to join me in bed,"_ answering her confusion Mike cocked his head, a smirk travelling across his mouth _"You agreed, quite readily."_

 

It took {Name} an excruciatingly long time to figure out what Mike was saying. 

 

When it clicked into place {Name} flailed on the barrel, almost sending herself off the edge in her embarrassed state an arm wrapped around from behind, keeping her steady.

 

Heart hammering {Name} tensed against the unexpected warmth at her back.

 

Staring straight up at Mike, she found his gaze to be somewhere above her head. Tipping back {Name} identified her rescuer.

 

_ "Erwin." _

 

Greeting the man in an awkward fashion {Name} dropped her gaze when a blank stare was returned.

 

It was possible; the wine had gone to her head. For {Name} remained still in Erwin's hold when he stepped back and brought her off the barrel. Feet finding the floor {Name} removed the hand she'd rested over Erwin's arm when he'd moved her.

 

Expecting to be let go {Name} held her breath as the two men began to exchange conversation over her head. 

 

Unlike when they spoke to her, the two men reverted to their native tongue, effectively keeping {Name} in the dark to the context of their conversation. 

 

Though by their tones, it was evident they did not have a friendly one.

 

Deciding it best to remain quiet {Name} tried to subtly free herself from Erwin, slowly sliding to the open space beside them she froze when his fingers pinched at her sides.

 

Whether it was to keep her with him, or in reaction to the sharp comment Mike made {Name} could not be sure, but she chose to remain still. 

 

Not wanting to aggravate what was rapidly becoming a tense situation {Name}'s fingers picked nervously at each other.

 

It was possible the two were in a bitter exchange due to her. 

 

Erwin may have made it clear to the men under his command not to get too friendly; she was not one of them after all.

 

Being the only woman in a group of twenty plus males, it held potential to cause friction if it was seen that favour was being given. 

 

Even though they were all relatively kind towards {Name}, a few exceptions in the three she'd hurt, they kept their distance. Speaking with {Name} simply out of necessity.

 

With all the possibilities clustering in her mind {Name} almost screamed when a hand fell on her head, a gentle roughing up of her hair given Mike leant down to her much shorter height.

 

Beard bristling against the cheek, a small giggle was bitten back, the sensation tickling at the skin {Name} tried to hide her flustered state by turning away, the words trickling into her ear so quietly, it would have been easy to mistake them.

 

_ "The offer still stands, {Name}." _

 

Unlike when Erwin spoke her name, it did not feel strange, or even unwanted.

 

_"Mike."_ Cutting in on their exchange Erwin's voice tickled the top of {Name}'s head, the way in which he'd addressed the other man forcing him to retreat.

 

If {Name} was in doubt before, she wasn't anymore. The wine had gone to her head.

 

Overcome by a guilt-ridden sickness {Name} forcefully veered to the side, breaking out of Erwin's hold she staggered a few steps, rising from her stomach rapidly it forced her mouth to break open.

 

Heaving {Name} choked in-between each rush of bile, the combination of wine and a lack of food making each wave painful. It burned up her throat and down the tongue until nothing was left and {Name} was reduced to dry retching.

 


	9. Chapter 9

_"Drinking on an empty stomach can have some adverse effects,"_ tone almost caring Erwin lingered just behind {Name}'s bent over form _"For a nurse to not realise that, is quite embarrassing."_ The crunch of his shoes brought Erwin to her side, head angled to look down at her, an unfathomable smile curved his mouth.

 

The underlying mocking not going a miss {Name} glowered back in reply. 

 

Fearing that she may resume vomiting if her mouth opened, her silence sufficed an answer for Erwin.

 

Straightening up {Name} pressed a hand against the churning in her gut, mouth puffing out with stored breath a hand wiped across the damp skin of her brow.

 

Erwin's not so subtle mocking of the poor state {Name} found herself in, roused a question that had been bugging her from the start.

 

_ "How did you know I was a nurse?" _

 

Even when {Name} ran the first time, giving the men enough time to search through the cottage, there was nothing to suggest that {Name} was in the medical profession. 

 

All the photos, and certificates of qualification remained back in Paris. 

 

The only other telltale sign was that of the medical bag, but that could very well have been Levi's. 

 

Meaning they'd taken a gamble, when gunning him down.

 

At the question, Erwin stared rather blankly at {Name} in return. Two fingers reaching inside the uniform he'd went back to wearing a crumpled and stained envelope was produced. 

 

Eyes wide at the familiar cursive writing {Name} shook her head back and forth, almost wildly.

 

_"Your letters were rather informative."_ Flipping the letter back and forth Erwin smiled, a little too softly for the situation _"It was a gamble, one with slim odds of being in our favour."_

 

Taking a step back when {Name} almost lunged for the letter Erwin caught the outstretched arm by the wrist, applying pressure to the joint it made {Name}'s body coil _"I don't think you need to ask to know the outcome. It was a fair exchange, his life for that of our medic."_

Releasing the hold Erwin let the letter slip from between his fingers, sending it twisting and flipping in the night breeze {Name} let it fall. 

 

A hand cupping the mouth and stomach already tender from being sick, it knotted and pinched even more.

 

Erwin may as well of punched her, for his words struck {Name} like he'd done just that.

 

It was incomprehensible to {Name} how a person could be so unnecessarily cruel, to the point it bordered on vindictive.

 

It was like Erwin was purposely trying to break her spirit, to make {Name} give up hope.

 

_"God forbid the day ever comes that you need my help,"_ bending to snatch up the sodden letter {Name} brushed over the neat handwriting addressed to her _"Cause I will not give it."_

 

With nothing more to be said {Name} walked back up to the house, fingers closing around the letter she refused to cry. In the past few days, it was all she'd done besides wrap up in self-pity. 

 

It no longer served a purpose to weep and whine over her misfortunes, no one was there to hear it, and no one was around her to care.

 

{Name} was alone in the hands of the enemy. 

 

The purpose of keeping her breathing simple, and for as long as the war stretched on, there would be need of her, until a replacement was found.

 

When that day would come, she was beyond caring. The sooner that day came, the better.

 

_ "Where were you born?" _

 

Fingers clawed over the teacup Levi stared at her from behind the thick curtain of Raven hair, the bright eyes he possessed narrowed in curiosity of {Name}.

 

There was a pause. Their conversation fluid until that one little question, that {Name} was never able to answer honestly.

 

_"Paris."_ Berlin. {Name} was born in Berlin. Both parents German, they'd been visiting an aunt of {Name}'s when news of the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand was announced. 

 

The events, that most believed precipitated the Great War.

 

Wary of the political unrest the assassination brought, {Name}'s parents remained in France, hoping to wait it out.

 

Taking a slow sip of his tea, Levi's gaze narrowed a little more. Suspicious of the answer {Name} gave, he didn't speak up until his cup set back down.

 

_ "You don't have the Parisian accent?" _

 

{Name} would have balked at the question, if not for being well rehearsed in the answer.

 

_"I was born there, not raised. We moved around a lot."_ Another lie, though it was tinged with some truth.

 

Falling into a British trench, {Name} was taken care of as best as the soldiers could manage.

 

Offering their rations of chocolate, and trying their best to tell stories to keep her calm, it came down to {Name} taking the bullet for Private Tommy, for her to finally leave the terrible place. 

 

Taken to a nearby hospital {Name} spent the last two years of the war recovering. The bullet wound causing severe head trauma, it left {Name} with not only an excellent scar but amnesia.

 

For months {Name} didn't know who she was, or where she'd come from. 

 

The doctors and nurses struggled to communicate due to the language barrier, {Name} speaking in confused and broken French, all her knowledge of what was her mother tongue forgotten.

 

Except for a few little phrases and disjointed words.

 

It was only a few short months before {Name} was discharged that her memories started to fall back in place.

 

_"What brought you out this way?"_ Curiosity apparently still not sated Levi continued to pry at {Name}.

 

With a small smile {Name} took a sip of her tea, a thoughtful hum preceding her answer.

 

_"I'm not sure._ " In truth, {Name} wasn't sure why she was in the middle of nowhere. 

 

In a village with a populace of barely a hundred and taking tea with a stranger.

 

It was {Name}'s intent to return to Germany finally. To try and source out any remaining family left over from the warring years. 

 

Both parents presumed dead after the constant bombardment from both sides, {Name} had been lucky to survive, but it left her a war orphan.

 

Not only that but {Name} was in a foreign country, with a sketchy memory. Thankfully able to speak the native tongue due to travelling between the two nations, the difficulties she could have faced, did not occur.

 

_ "I could give you a reason to stay." _

 

Blinking in surprise {Name} placed down the tea cup, clipping it across the saucer her fingers scrambled to rescue it from spilling.

 

_ "Pardon?" _

 

Sitting forward Levi rested an arm on the table, fingers drumming slowly on the old wood.

 

_ "If you don't know why you're here, I can give you a reason to stay." _

 

Blindsided by the sudden forwardness of the man she'd only just met {Name} couldn't find the words to answer. Mouth agape, it only closed when Levi extended two fingers to push up her chin.

 

_"At least, let me try to give you a reason to stay."_ Close to whispering Levi slid back to his side of the table, a slight smile dancing across his lips.

 

With a violent jerk {Name} woke. Heart hammering behind the ribs from the falling sensation she'd experienced, {Name} clutched at the bedsheets.

 

Again {Name}'s memories replaced any potential dreams and chased away the looming nightmares. A small blessing, even if it was torturous to have Levi so close that she could almost touch him before he was whisked away by her conscious state.

 

Hand fanning out to the empty half of the bed {Name} was no longer surprised by the coolness of the sheets. 

 

The fact Levi was gone, and not about to waltz in through the door to call her lazy for sleeping in so late, was finally being accepted.

 

It was strange coming to terms with it. Knowing that their life together was finished and that, that chapter of her life had come to an unexpected conclusion.

 

Sucking on her bottom lip {Name} sighed for what felt the umpteenth time when her fingers closed around the envelope. Knowing it would be the last, it carved out a fresh wound in her already aching chest. 

 

The desire to read, and find out what his final words were, was overshadowed by the crippling doubt that it would be too much to handle in her current state.

 

It would have to wait, for a later point when {Name} was far more confident in her emotional stability. Losing Levi was excruciating, knowing now that she'd lost Private Tommy, her Tommy, merely added to it. 

 

The worst part being was that the pain was not physical, {Name} could not clean and dress it, and wait for it to heal. It was inside, invisible and clawing through her veins. Spreading like a wildfire, she could not escape.

 

Curling into a ball {Name} ran a thumb along the wedding band that adorned her left hand. It was nothing fancy, simple and holding a small diamond, but to her it was everything. 

 

The other half of it stolen away by the man who'd taken {Name}'s freedom. It was funny how something small and quite insignificant, a simple gold circlet, could hold so much weight over {Name}. 

 

It was not the little piece of jewellery itself, but what it meant that kept {Name} almost in line with Erwin's proposition. 

 

If {Name} behaved, then it would be returned.

 

{Name} wanted to doubt Erwin, to believe he was not a man of his word. It was hard to do when he'd kept up his end of the deal so far. 

 

Assuring that no harm would befall {Name} in the time that she was acting as their medic, it took {Name}'s thoughts back to the night before.

 

Engaging with Mike to ward off any potential issue Erwin proved that he'd stick to his end of the deal. 

 

Though {Name} doubted Mike would have acted in a way that would need Erwin to intervene, Erwin had still been there.

 

Fingers curling down into the palm, her nails bit into the flesh as her mind shifted, revisiting the moment Erwin unveiled the reason they'd landed on her doorstep. Almost gloating and even suggesting that some blame was on her for Levi and Tommy's deaths.

 

Kicking back the duvet {Name} relented to the idea of getting out of bed. The idea to spend the day curled up and dozing was inviting, but wasteful.

 

The men having spent the night drinking until the early hours {Name} was far from surprised by the lack of movement in the cottage. Quiet creaks of the beds and springs told {Name} that most, if not all, were still laid up in bed.

 

Throwing a brush over the mess of hair {Name} plaited it, letting it dangle over one shoulder she dressed in a pair of old slacks and a jumper pulled on, a moment of mental preparation was needed. 

 

Dreading the state the men left the usually immaculate cottage in, a deep breath was taken before the door was unlocked. 

 

Foot barely hitting the landing it clipped a half empty bottle, sending it spinning into the boot of a slumped over soldier.

 

Head dropping a hand curled loosely around an empty glass, a thin river of drool leaving his open mouth {Name} grimaced. If not for the fact {Name} knew them to have been drinking, she may have mistaken the man for being dead, or close to it.

 

Leaning down {Name} plucked up the bottle, snatching the glass from the soldier in the process.

 

Down in the living room and kitchen, the bodies increased. 

 

Slumped and strewn in any position the men snored, bottle after bottle dotting any open space it left {Name} to wonder just how much was left in the pantry. 

 

At the start, there'd been an excellent collection of wines, now {Name} was led to believe nothing remained.

 

Though it appeared, they'd not discovered the spirits.

 

In their alcohol induced slumbering they were wide open. Vulnerable even.

 

{Name} knew how to end a person's life with little effort, without leaving a visible sign that could give away the method.

 

Whether {Name} could do it, was a different matter.

 

_ "Decided on the latter, Fraulein?" _

 

Leaping away from the unexpected voice {Name} was caught in a rough embrace before she'd fallen. Brought to Erwin's side, he tilted his gaze to the men face down on the kitchen table, before dragging it back to {Name}.

 

_ "I told you before; you don't have it in you to kill. Didn't I?" _

 

As though Erwin was reading {Name}'s mind he smiled down at her calmly. Lips drawing tight when the bottle in {Name}'s hand dropped on his foot, she returned a smile of her own.

 

_"Don't be so sure,"_ shaking off his hold, it made her skin crawl being in close contact with Erwin, and so she placed purposeful distance between them _"Everyone has their limits."_

 

Facing the mess of the kitchen {Name} placed both hands on her hips, it was a considerable amount of cleaning that would need to be done. 

 

With the men sleeping where they'd fallen, it made for the task being harder than necessary.

 

Side glancing Erwin for a second {Name} turned back to the kitchen. Hanging above the stove were a collection of pans, brow lifting a devious grin tore across her mouth. 

 

Tip-toeing around the peacefully sleeping soldiers {Name} unhooked two of the flat pans, arms held wide she swung them back together, the pans meeting in the centre with an ear-splitting bang that echoed through the room.

 

Struggling to breath {Name} wiped the tears out from under her eyes. 

 

The chorus of terrified shouts, and one shrill scream made {Name} drop the pans. Unable to contain her amusement a laugh tore from her when the men jumped awake.

 

Wide-eyed and terrified, they stared around the room until finding the source of the noise in {Name}. 

 

A hand held up as if to say that she was sorry, {Name} found herself unable to speak. 

 

For every time her mouth opened, a new laugh fell from it.

 

An angry stream of German tossed at {Name} a second was spared to thanking her lucky stars none of them grabbed at their rifles.

 

The stupidity of the action crashing down slowly, it did not stifle her laughter. 

 

They were in a war situation; the loud bang could have easily been mistaken for a threat. Other than the one to their clearly regretful heads. 

 

Moaning they held their heads between their hands, faces pale with what looked to be a hangover settling in {Name} offered a smile to the man closest to her.

 

_ "How does a nice, greasy, sausage sound?" _

 

Blanching the man made a grab at his mouth, the other on his stomach before tripping to his feet. Making a stealthy exit out the kitchen door {Name} folded her arms _"I'll take that as a no then."_

 

Vengeance was said to be a dish best served cold. Preying on their vulnerability in a different light to the one she'd first thought of, was satisfying in itself.

 

Clapping her hands {Name} roused the slipping attention of the ones who remained seated.

 

Hands waving to direct them out {Name} was surprised by the lack of argument, slinging their weapons over their shoulders they staggered out of the door like sleepy children.

 

When did they become comfortable?

 

Hit by the stark reality of what unfolded {Name} felt her smile slip. 

 

They listened to her without argument, no anger, or rather any genuine anger at the rude awakening she'd given them; they simply accepted it.

 

Facing the lone man still lingering in the kitchen {Name} felt the last of her smile fall.

 

When had {Name} become comfortable enough to act in the way she just had. Mocking them, and making a joke out of their sorry states. 

 

Cooking for them, and drinking as if they were not her enemy, but long acquainted friends.

 

Drawing in a sharp breath {Name} turned away from Erwin's knowing gaze, the clear understanding he held over her now conflicted state just another piece for his arsenal.

 

_"There is nothing wrong in getting comfortable with them Fraulein."_ Vacant of the expected mocking Erwin took a step into the room _"It was bound to happen sooner or later."_ Placing down the bottle that {Name} dropped on his foot, Erwin tapped a finger against its opening.

_"Just don't get too comfortable with Mike."_ Giving the warning, Erwin glanced up when {Name} shot a baffled look in his direction.

 

What was Erwin trying to imply?

 

_"And, why would that be?"_ Peeved at Erwin's cryptic way of speaking {Name} tilted back, hip jutting as the arms came to fold across her chest {Name} waited for some form of explanation, some reason behind Erwin's want for her to keep from becoming comfortable with Mike.

 

Flicking the side of the wine bottle Erwin gave a deep laugh, fingers curling to cover the sound two sharp coughs cleared his throat.

 

Laughing no more Erwin merely stared back at {Name} firmly _"He is not a man, for such a delicate thing like yourself."_

 

Lips parting to rebuke, the words dangled at the tip of her tongue. 

 

Unsure whether Erwin was paying {Name} a compliment, or a backhanded insult she kept her silence.

 

Tempted to throw the bottle back at Erwin for simply being him, {Name} chose to collect up the pans from the floor. 

 

Ignoring Erwin to begin the task of cleaning the kitchen, {Name} was thankful when he left. 

 

Leaving {Name} to tidy her thoughts as she put the kitchen back to its organised state.

  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

If {Name} was going to be called anything, a house mother was the most suited for the moment. The men switching into their civilian clothes - that she was still unsure where they'd acquired them - she was in charge of washing their uniforms.

A makeshift washing line set up in both kitchen and living room {Name} was almost finished hanging up the grey uniforms when a gentle tap fell on one shoulder.

With a peg bit between the teeth {Name} turned, the peg spitting out when met with the doe-eyed Bertholdt, a finger scratching at his temple the man looked to be in a nervous sweat again.

_ "Yes?" _

Bertholdt's mouth quivered, open and gaping, but no sound to accompany it. Almost accustomed to the man's habits {Name} waited for the tall male to calm down enough to speak.

_ "Mike has need of you." _

After a painfully long silence Bertholdt spoke, relaying the request Mike made for her presence a hesitant nod answered Bertholdt.

_"He is down by the barn."_ Passing on the information Bertholdt made an odd bowing motion before retreating from the room.

Pondering over what Mike could possibly need, hesitation set in. Erwin warned {Name} off from Mike, reason still unknown for doing so, it left {Name} feeling wary.

With both hands tucked in the pits of the arm {Name} bristled against the late afternoon chill, the garden quiet due to the soldiers still recovering from their hangovers it made the fields look far more open. 

Rocking on the heels of her boots {Name} gazed down toward the barn, the almost luminous red sticking out like a sore thumb against the white washed background.

Hesitance keeping {Name}'s pace slow her fingers pinched at her sides, the soft material of the jumper barely warding off the cold {Name} could feel the tip of her nose burning.

Was it wise, to meet with an almost total stranger so far from the cottage? Was the question making circuits in {Name}'s mind, the inside of her lip being chewed on it kept the chatter of her teeth at bay.

Balanced on a barrel Mike's head came up when {Name} approached, a smile greeting her, a timid one was all she could manage in return.

_"Bertholdt said you needed me?"_ Keeping distance {Name} watched quietly as Mike stepped off from the barrel, his lofty body intimidating in its own right {Name} peered over her shoulder.

They were out of sight of the cottage, a thought that unsettled her a little, as they were quite secluded.

_"I thought you might appreciate some time away from being their maid,"_ bringing the cigarette up to his mouth Mike took a deep inhale _"That, and there is something I need to ask."_

Tossing a rather crumpled packet of cigarettes at {Name}, a grin bared Mike's teeth when her hands flailed to catch it.

Securing the cigarettes {Name} let a brow curve curiously _"Ask away."_

Placing a cigarette to her mouth {Name}'s hand cupped to protect the flame, a gentle puff taken to ensure it was lit, the match was quickly dropped to litter the snow. Gripping an elbow {Name} placed the tip of her thumb beneath her chin, the index and middle pointed away to keep the smoke from drifting into her face.

_"What did Erwin say, that's made you so cautious of me?"_ Mike's hand slid down to the pockets of his slacks, a half step taken to close some of the distance between them.

In a heartbeat {Name} answered: _"I'm not cautious."_

A soft, breathy laugh parted Mike's lips, a hand brought up to remove the cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth he scratched the back of his neck _"It's written all over your face Fraulein."_

Shaking her head {Name} rested her weight on one leg, hip swinging out to the side with the motion _"I think you're mistaken."_

Bringing the cigarette back to her mouth {Name} drew in a long breath, lungs filling with the toxic fumes until they could expand no more.

_"I think you're lying."_ Calling out {Name}'s bluff Mike took another step, the space between them almost non-existent.

Cowing under the intense stare that Mike pinned {Name} under, she swallowed the hive of nerves filling up her throat, and constricting her breath.

_"I'm not lying."_ Whispering the response to the accusation {Name} shrunk back when Mike leant down to her, hot breath fanning across one ear {Name}'s eyes crept wide when he began to murmur gently.

_"Don't get too close to Erwin,"_ pausing almost like Mike intended his words to be suspenseful {Name} drew back a little, the large hand catching her waist before she could withdraw completely _"He is the one who..."_

Though Mike was speaking {Name}'s ears were filling with white noise, scratching away in a weak attempt to deflect the words now dancing around the eardrums. Unable to accept what Mike was saying, {Name} jerked out of his grasp, backing up quickly before turning to flee.

Close to blinded by the steady stream of fresh tears burning down her chill bitten face {Name} froze when a figure loomed in front of her.

Fingers curling they collected in a fist as the space between them closed.

_ "Fraulein?" _

Hands out to create a net and stop {Name} sliding by him Erwin stared down at her. Thick brows pushing into the centre of his forehead he opened his mouth to speak but was swiftly cut off.

Driving a knee up into Erwin's groin {Name} stumbled back when he curled, a sharp wheezing breath filtering out his mouth, it was broken up with a cough.

_"I don't know what any of you gain with these mind games,"_ voice shaking, it came out in a wet rush, shoulders trembling it took {Name} a considerable amount of effort to keep talking.

_"But please?"_ inhaling a shuddering breath {Name} tried to steady her voice _"Please just stop them."_

Hands clasped together between the thighs Erwin glanced up, one eye almost closed in a wince _"I gave the order, but I didn't take the shot."_

The words almost choked on {Name} blinked away the pools of tears gathered at the corner of her eyes. Head thrown back in surprise {Name} bit down on her lip, what was Erwin talking about?

With a strained breath, Erwin finally managed to correct his posture, though he remained in some discomfort, {Name} could see it by the twist in his mouth.

_"What?"_ Breathing out the single word {Name} took a half step forward.

With a hand drawn over his jaw Erwin's head tilted to the side, eyes closed like he actually needed time to consider his answer _"I gave the order, but I wasn't the one who killed your husband. I merely told the men to remove any possible threat."_

Heart thudding, it became painfully slow, each beat agonising as {Name} tried to make sense of what Erwin was telling her.

They considered Levi a threat? 

The mere notion almost had {Name} laughing, if he'd been the man he was before the start of the war, then they could have considered him a threat. The Levi they shot down, was not even an echo of the man he once was.

_ "You're telling me, that twenty men felt threatened by a one eyed one legged man?" _

Jaw clenching when Erwin looked ready to laugh {Name} narrowed her gaze, daring him to make even a snigger.

_ "We didn't know that at the time." _

As though Erwin's answer was aimed to appease {Name}, it only angered her further.

_ "I suppose Mike told you this?" _

Erwin's shoulders relaxed slowly, no longer holding any visible sign that the kick to his groin was of any discomfort, he picked at the cuff of his sleeve.

Portraying the image that he was quite calm and collected about the matter, it made {Name}'s head shake back and forth, bringing Erwin's attention back to her.

What Mike told {Name} was entirely a different matter from the subject Erwin brought up. It made her wonder if Erwin's warning was simply to keep her from finding out that he'd actioned Levi's death.

Though it left no question that both men were manipulative. Willing to turn on each other, using {Name}, for some unknown advantage over the other.

Mike had even managed to trick Erwin into revealing his part in Levi's death, without being present.

_"No,"_ a slow shake of the head given {Name} used the sleeve of her jumper to wipe away the stains her tears left _"He told me that the men wanted to let me go,"_ swallowing back the lump in her throat {Name} looked back up at Erwin _"That I'm only here, because of you."_

A long, palpable silence fell between them. {Name}'s hair picked up playfully by the gentle wind, it was pulled across her face, almost obscuring Erwin from her view.

It was becoming clear, that neither Mike or Erwin could be trusted. Attempting to pit {Name} against the other with oblique warnings, and tidbits of information that riled her fragile emotional state, it made {Name} feel like a pawn on their chessboard.

Trapped between two pieces that, with one wrong move, would result in her being removed from the board.

_"Between the pair of you, I don't know who is worse."_ Voice flat, {Name} finally sounded as defeated as she felt _"You're both a pair of snakes."_

Not wanting to hear Erwin's reasoning behind keeping her, or even find out if it was the truth, a side step carried {Name} out of his immediate reach.

{Name} was too tired to keep up with their games.

Exhausted both mentally and emotionally from being dealt one blow after another, it left {Name} feeling empty. With no one to trust and no one to confide in, {Name} felt even more isolated than before.

Stepping over the threshold a scurry of boots, and harsh whispers drifted out from the living room. The sound of something hitting against wood followed by a round of cursing, it drew {Name} to the room.

Hovering in the doorway {Name} found all but two of the soldiers who'd taken over her home gathered. One gripping his knee, and close to doubled over, the others tried to play off the fact they'd apparently been watching Erwin and {Name}'s exchange.

The net caught on the handle of the window, being the key giveaway.

A mixture of dubious and hateful stares met with {Name}'s laconic one. It didn't ruffle {Name} like it used to, she didn't care what they thought of her at that moment. All she wanted, was for them to be gone. To let her piece herself back together, and lift the weight of guilt from her shoulders.

_ "Did you enjoy the show?" _

A wave of stutters and gasps answered {Name}'s question. Their brows joining in the middle as they frowned, confusion and oddly, looks of betrayal flickered in their eyes.

It was Eren who pushed forward of the crowd, turquoise eyes bright and burning in anger. The man didn't seem to even know how to portray any other emotion when it came to {Name}.

_"You can speak German?"_ Firing off the question Eren was halted in his advance, Reiner's hand dropping onto the smaller man's shoulder to keep him back.

With a slow nod {Name} offered a small smile _"I can understand some of it."_

The answer triggered another bout of whispers, heads turning to speak amongst themselves, it was the bumbling Bertholdt who asked the question they all wanted to know _"So, you can understand us?"_

Reverting to his mother tongue to ask the question Bertholdt gazed blankly down at {Name}. There was something in their faces that told {Name} they were not overly keen on the fact, that there was no language barrier.

Though when conversing with her, they spoke French, any other time they were talking, it was in German.

It had taken {Name} some time, a few words were unfamiliar, but she'd picked back up her native language. Able to speak and understand basic German anyway, their arrival seemed to have jogged her memory, dusting off the lid on her knowledge of the tongue tucked away in the back of her mind.

_"It is my mother tongue."_ Letting slip the nationality of her birth {Name} rolled her shoulders in a careless shrug.

What did it matter now, when she no longer cared what was said or done to her.

At {Name}'s not so grand revealing Reiner looked thoughtfully at her _"Why are you here then?"_

Nods of agreement followed Reiner's question, a few giving wild gestures of their hands for {Name} to give a prompt response.

Like the question had roused the vague memories of her time in the trench, {Name}'s ears filled with the sounds of gunfire and shouts. Bomb blasts almost deafening, and the heavy artillery vibrating through her body.

It made {Name} dizzy, her stomach churning as her mind took her back to a time she wanted to forget.

The room swam in front of her, the soldiers blurring in and out of focus {Name} swayed on her feet. A sharp silence filling both ears, {Name} felt as though the floor was pulled out from under her feet.

A sharp tap hit the top of {Name}'s head, hand flying to the area she searched for what would have caused the dull pain. Still rolling on the grassy knoll {Name} was sat on the apple stopped, it's vibrant and healthy green skin shining in the afternoon sun.

_ "So you're awake?" _

From above the voice drifted, making {Name} tip her head back against the tree trunk she was resting against, to look up at the man.

Lounged with one leg up, and one dangling down Levi rolled an apple between his hands. Without a doubt, he'd dropped the first apple that rudely woke {Name}.

_"I am now, though I want it to be noted it was against my will."_ Trying to sound annoyed, {Name} failed when Levi gave one of his rare smiles.

For a man to barely show emotion on his face, it amazed {Name} how something so simple softened his hard exterior.

_"You should have gone to sleep earlier last night,"_ Levi spoke in his usually flat tone, though a small vibration of amusement broke up the often harsh tone.

Dropping down to lay amongst the grass {Name} huffed in reply, fingers threading through the lawn, they tickled at her fingers _"You kept me up late."_

Opening one eye at the sound of another thud, {Name} expected to find an apple beside her. Instead, it was Levi, bending at the waist to look at her laid out form, a crude smile drifted across his mouth _"You weren't exactly complaining."_

Flushing {Name}'s hand flew to her face to cover the burning on her cheeks. How Levi could be so bold, and unaffected by such things was beyond {Name}.

A quiet shuffling made {Name} split her fingers apart, no longer leant over her, Levi had sat down. Legs stretched out either side of {Name}'s body, a hand stroked lightly at the few loose strands of hair that fell about her face.

_ "Marry me." _

Words spoken so quietly {Name} almost missed them, it brought her hands away from her face in a snap _"What?"_

With a frown, Levi rapped his knuckles on her forehead _"You heard me, idiot."_

Rolling over so that she could pull up onto her knees {Name} searched Levi's face for any hint, or even suggestion that he was joking. There was none.

_ "Levi..." _

Trailing off when Levi closed the space between them, he caught the back of her neck in his hand, bringing {Name} closer to him until their mouths met.

_"It helps if you answer a question like that."_ Separating Levi's whisper tickled over her tingling lips, a giddy smile splitting them apart before her reply tumbled out _"I will."_

Roused by a cold rush of air {Name}'s eyes blinked open. Edges blurred it took time for the haze to lift, using an arm to push her body up {Name} was surprised to find she was in her bed. With the palm of her hand pressing against the dull pulsing that hung over her eyes {Name} groaned.

A creak of wood brought {Name}'s head up, scoping around the room she crawled as quietly as she could manage from the bed. Still dressed in the clothes from the day before the sleeves of the jumper were pulled down, the cuffs bunched in her hands one arm folded across her body, the other balanced on top so that she could chew at the sleeve.

At some point Erwin had slid down in the chair, arms folded the ankles were also crossed. With his head tipped to the side, it was practically rested on one shoulder, making him appear peaceful in his slumber.

Creeping across the room {Name} gave a quick glance towards the door. It was ajar, no obvious movement coming from outside the room {Name} spared a glance to the clock on her bedside table.

It was four in the morning. {Name} had been out for a long time.

Trying to recall what brought her to being in her room, {Name} only managed to pull up a hazy conversation. Though it was hard to decipher who'd it been with, or what had been said. All that was clear was she'd passed out and that someone had brought her upstairs.

Another creak made {Name} turn, Erwin was stirring, arms falling slack the heel of his boots squeaked back over the floorboards. Arms stretching they were soon settled on the rests of the chair, though he didn't appear to be fully conscious just yet. If {Name} remained still it was plausible that Erwin would return to sleeping.

Though the idea he potentially spent the night watching over her was unsettling, the prospect of him waking up and the both of them being forced into conversation unnerved {Name} that little bit more.

Something told {Name} that she did not want to have a conversation with him, not yet. Or not until she remembered what overwhelmed {Name} enough to make her pass out.

A tingling in her scarred temple made {Name} reach for it, fingers lightly tracing the crescent of missing skin that created a deep indent. The contact triggering a memory {Name} brought the hand back down to her mouth to catch the startled gasp, she'd told them she understood them.

They, or rather Eren, hadn't been happy with the idea that their private conversations, were not exactly private. In the passing weeks {Name} listened to their plans, heard them discuss why they were so far behind the enemy lines.

It placed her in a dangerous position. {Name} knew too much. Knew the German army intended to seize control of France, she even knew when they were going to start the proper invasion.

The soldiers in her home belonged to something called the Schutzstaffel, otherwise referred to as the SS. They'd been dropped over the border, with the orders to map out the terrain and keep an eye on the French armies movements.

It was how they'd come across their civilian clothes, to try and fit in. They all spoke fluently in French, even if some were given away by their thick accents, most of them could express themselves and easily be passed off as a Frenchman.

That was their plan, but something had gone wrong. Though {Name} wasn't sure, it seemed as though they'd been betrayed. Their location given away, and their unit separated, it was when they'd lost their medic, a man they called Nile.

The twisted games that both Mike and Erwin were playing, feeding her fears and potentially false information had broken her down. Giving up the one thing {Name} had over them was reckless, and idiotic.

Biting at the tip of the thumb lightly {Name} shot her eyes to the right. Shirt crumpled from the position he'd slept in, Erwin ran his fingers through his hair. Sweeping it back over into the more natural parting, he slowly morphed from the close to innocent look he held when sleeping, to the man she'd met almost a month before.

Gazes meeting {Name} nearly fell over when Erwin flashed a disarming, sleep filled, but still charming smile. A far cry from the usual coy and cunning one that he bore, {Name} wanted to believe it was forced.

There was no strain, no discomfort in his face, the creases in his eyes adding warmth to the unprovoked smile.

_"Please don't do that."_ Focusing on the soft floral pattern of the wallpaper {Name} dropped the hand from her mouth, letting it rest over the arm still hugging her waist _"It's beyond creepy."_ Whispering the afterthought {Name} watched from the corner of her eye as Erwin eased to his feet.

Taking time to grip each of his elbows Erwin stretched, the soft pop and clicks of his shoulders followed by a content breath Erwin hooked up his uniform jacket. Slipping out of the breast pocket a sharp looking cross, with numerous chips and dents, Erwin quickly moved to replace it, rousing {Name}'s curiosity.

Arms stretched out to slip on the jacket Erwin used his fingers to smooth down the collar, before running them down to button it back up. Neither of them speaking {Name} moved to leave the room, only pausing when a hand slid in the gap of the door, gripping the edge to swing it open, but not send it crashing into the wall.

Multiple bodies filling the space, panic and agitation evident in their bodies it was the man who was regularly limping that spoke up for the panic-stricken group.

_"Sir! French soldiers are approaching the barn."_ Speaking in a hissing whisper, the man put a hand out to the door frame to keep the men bustling at his back from forcing their way into the room _"There are at least fifty."_

Head raised Erwin turned to the window behind, a finger parting the net curtains an inch. Bending to take a clearer view of the situation Erwin quickly turned back to the men, brows drawn tightly to the centre of his forehead _"Gather everyone downstairs."_ Giving the order the soldiers nodded quickly, backing up and out of the room, they separated in the corridor to go to each bedroom.

Startled by the prospect of being discovered with German soldiers in her home, apparently making themselves at home {Name} felt the colour drain out of her face _"Cellar."_ Choking out the word {Name} remained still, watching the men shrug on their uniform coats, rifles in hand.

_"What?"_ Now stood at {Name}'s side Erwin's head craned, hovering in her sights {Name} took a step towards the door _"The cellar."_ Not exactly explaining what she was trying to say {Name} moved out into the corridor, using her elbow to push one of the men out of the way she took the stairs at an almost run.

A loud cry from the barn hit {Name}'s ears, the approaching French soldiers must have scared Farlan, which meant they were getting closer.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Like the sound was an omen {Name} forced her way through the men clustering between the stairs and landing, forcing through to the living room {Name} pulled on the back of Reiner and Bertholdt's shirts.

With their attention solely focused on {Name} she tugged them towards the large sofa _"Move it back."_

Not needing to be told twice the two men gripped each end of the couch, pushing it back across the rug {Name} took hold of the trimmed edge hidden under the sofa, pulling it back to reveal a small square of wood that had been cut away from the rest of the floor. It was big enough that they'd be able to get down, though the steps had long since collapsed.

_"You will have to drop; there aren't any steps to get down,"_ hooking a finger into the handle ring it groaned in protest of being pulled out of its rest _"The drop isn't great, and you will have to sit down."_ Flicking her gaze up to Bertholdt as if she meant him specifically the nervous man gulped, his neck craned to look back at the man freshly arrived in the living room doorway.

Erwin's focus lingered on {Name}'s crouched form, uncertainty evident in his face.

It wasn't exactly that {Name} wanted to save their skin a second time. The motivation was purely selfish, if the French soldiers found out that {Name}'d been hiding their enemy, they'd kill her on the spot.

_"We don't have time to deliberate on this,"_ moving back across the floor {Name} pulled the hatch open fully _"Just get in!"_ Almost growling at their sluggish response {Name} felt the anxiety gripping her chest let up a little when Erwin gave the order for the men to climb down.

One by one they lowered themselves, gun passed down first, they used the edges to lower their bodies and save any potential leg injury from landing awkwardly.

When it came to Gunther's turn to drop, {Name} offered an arm to help lower him. Surprised when he accepted and took a firm hold on her forearm {Name} counterweighted with a leg pressed to the edge of the opening, the men below waiting to receive their comrade he slipped down into the murky darkness without issue.

Second to last Mike approached the opening, his tall form allowing him almost to step down a smile was given {Name}'s way before he sloped out of sight. Resisting dropping the cellar door on his head {Name} turned to where Erwin looked to be hesitating again.

_"Hurry up."_ Egged on by the voices drifting closer {Name} swallowed down her panic _"Please!"_

Pleading with Erwin to move she was put at some ease when he dropped out of sight without a word.

Lowering the hatch quietly {Name} made sure it sat correctly, the latch replaced in the carved out slot made for it, she rolled the carpet back, smoothing it out.

Getting to her feet {Name} hooked both arms under one of the armrests of the sofa, with a great deal of effort, she moved it back, rushing to the other side to align it back up with the ridges the sofa feet had made on the carpet.

Close to panting with the strain {Name} jumped when a loud, and commanding knock came from the front door.

A nervous skittering laugh drifting up from beneath the floor {Name} stamped her foot. What sounded like someone being slapped, and a couple of harsh whispers, it soon fell quiet.

The last thing {Name} needed was for one of them to give away their hiding place, it would have made the effort to conceal them a vain one.

With the second, apparently impatient knock {Name} patted down her bed hair before moving to the door _"Who is it?"_

Calling through the wood {Name} waited, holding her breath she could hear her heart thudding loudly, riled up with the stress of what was unfolding, it gave a violent lurch when a voice drifted back through the door.

Nearly tearing the door from its hinges {Name}'s hand shot out, stumbling forward over the doorstep a loud crack sounded when the palm of her hand met with Olou's  cheek.

_"You stupid bastard!"_ Close to screaming {Name} backed up a little when the startled men behind made confused grabs for their weapons, some merely staring dumbfounded by the greeting.

Rubbing at the reddening patch on his cheek Olou's  widened eyes lowered, a sneering smile playing across his mouth.

_"Is that any way to greet your beloved brother?"_ Chin jutted out in the familiar arrogance Olou's  closed eyes cracked open a bit when {Name} offered up a scoff.

_"A whiny, blithering idiot of a brother you mean."_ Replying quietly {Name}'s head dropped slowly, fingers curling around the cuffs of her jumper before she staggered forward, arms thrown around his neck she buried her face in his chest.

It took a moment until Olou returned the hug, a hand patting lightly at her back as {Name} sobbed against his chest.

Though not related by blood, it had been Olou's  father who'd treated {Name} in the hospital after the trench. The man who'd eventually adopted {Name} would often bring Olou in to keep {Name} company, giving them cards and chalkboards to play with. Sometimes, when {Name} was allowed outside, they'd play with spinning tops.

_"Olou "_ Weeping quietly {Name} pulled the taller man in tighter, the need for solid contact making {Name} almost needy for Olou to hug her properly it drained away the stress in her body when he finally gave a tight, bear-like hug.

Spinning {Name} off the doorstep Olou gripped tightly at her shoulders, separating them he looked down at her in curiosity _"Did Levi?"_

Without fully voicing the question Olou sighed when {Name} nodded, the cuffs of her jumper wiping at both eyes.

{Name} couldn't tell Olou that Levi had actually made it home. Or that the men responsible for Levi's death were hiding in the cellar, no more than a few feet from where he stood.

But finally being able to say out loud, or tell someone that Levi was gone released the tightly knotted emotions that had been with her since it happened.

The thought of telling Olou her predicament came and passed swiftly, brother or not Olou was fiercely patriotic, though he would probably understand, she could not say the same for the other men in his company.

Not wanting to discuss the matter, in case her emotions got the better of her, and she let the secret hiding in her home slip out {Name} gave a few calming sniffs _"What are you doing here?"_

With a wave of the hand, Olou sent away the men who'd accompanied him. Waiting for a reasonable distance, Olou turned to {Name} with a beaming, prideful smile _"We're moving up to the front line."_

Sounding almost happy at the prospect, {Name} called his bluff. Olou acted tough, but the man still somehow managed to bite his tongue when speaking. It was all bravado.

_"You'll piss yourself Olou "_ Feeling a little more relaxed {Name} found the energy to crack a joke, one that sent Olou into an arrogant rant. Trying to recreate Levi's attitude as always, it made {Name} laugh.

_"Why are you laughing?"_ Sounding insulted by {Name}'s apparent lack of faith in him a hand pressed against his chest _"Those bastards will cower when I arrive. They will be running home crying for their mothers."_

Close to shouting the statement, even the soldiers who'd accompanied Olou burst out laughing, making Olou stutter out a reprimand, it ended when he bit at the tip of his tongue.

With mouth pursing {Name} held back her own laugh, Olou's  fingers tapping at the wounded muscle for a short while before he returned to his self-assured pose. Sighing Olou scratched at the back of his head _"I just wanted to drop in and see you before I go."_

Finally admitting to why he was on {Name}'s doorstep at almost five in the morning she couldn't bring herself to smile. Olou's  presence carried an uncountable amount of problems and stress. It would be a miracle if {Name} wasn't entirely grey by the end of the war, or bald from the want to pull her hair out.

Preparing to attempt to hurry Olou along, without sounding too desperate for him to leave {Name} nearly fainted again when an older, more imposing man approached. 

Clean shaven {Name} could see hints of his salt and pepper hair that peeked out from under the military provided hat. Looking to Olou for a reason behind the man's unexpected appearance, she almost keeled over when Olou whispered that he was the commanding officer. 

The six men behind him being captains, and holding other higher ranks, {Name} missed a great deal of what he said due to the loud buzzing that was building in her ears.

{Name} wanted to be sick, to pass out, or both.

Small beady eyes focused on {Name} the man offered a smile in the exact moment he held out a gloved hand. Teeth brown and stained all {Name} could do was place her hand in his, a small shiver running through her when a gentle kiss was placed on the back of her hand.

_"You're charmingly beautiful my dear,"_ bearing an almost leery smile, the man placed another kiss on the back of {Name}'s hand _"If only I were ten years younger."_

The sincere compliment made {Name} blush involuntarily, the commanding officer using the moment to gently guide {Name} around a hand fell on the small of her back, before walking them both back over the doorstep.

Too stunned to argue, and dangerously close to a suspected heart attack, all {Name} could do was move with him. It was like her mind shut down in the panic of what was unfolding.

_ "A cup of tea would be nice to warm this old man's bones, don't you agree Olou?" _

A strained, and over stressed smile split {Name}'s mouth, head twisting to look back upon Olou in a silent plea for assistance he merely gave a cocky, arrogant filled smile in return. This was going to be payback for the slap, she could see it in the smug glint that lit up Olou's  eyes.

_"Quite right Sir, a cup of tea would be most welcome,"_ pausing as Olou stepped into the cottage he offered up a smile _"Don't you think?"_

Aiming the question at {Name} she snapped her head back around. 

They were standing in the corridor, a little too close to the living room, and to the hatch door that concealed her dirty secret. 

With a hand stretching out {Name} tried to block off access to the living room, and guide her second set of unexpected guests into the kitchen.

It failed, and miserably.

With a gentle pat on {Name}'s shoulder, Olou's  commanding officer gave her instructions for how he took his tea before walking straight into {Name}'s arm, almost like it wasn't even there. 

It forced {Name} to drop it, for fear that he might break it _"Please. Take a seat."_ Trying to remain calm and as close to polite as she could {Name} watched in horror when the commanding officer and the captains moved to fill the seats in the living room.

Two of them sitting directly above the hatch door, their boots scraped across the carpet as they made to cross their legs, the heel of one snagging on the latch beneath the rug.

Sitting forward to inspect the floor {Name}'s fingers wrung together as the pale faced man searched for what he'd caught it upon. Finding nothing, he relaxed back, allowing {Name} to resume breathing.

_"Are you making that tea dear?"_ Close to crooning the officer smiled when {Name}'s head bobbed up and down. 

There was no other option than to act hospitable to Olou's  superior's, not without drawing unwanted attention to herself. All {Name} could hope for was that nothing was out that would give away the presence of the German's literally under their feet and that the men tucked under the floorboards did not make a sound.

Not even a squeak would be permissible.

Angry with Olou for bringing a whole new trouble to her door {Name} turned sharply on her heel, resisting stomping down the corridor to the kitchen she was glad to find Olou had taken the hint, and not followed.

If the men now sitting in the living room continued talking, it would cover any noise from beneath, but at the same time, hand delicate information into the laps of their enemies. {Name} wholeheartedly hoped that they kept tight-lipped, and stuck to pleasantries for the entirety of their stay.

Setting down the tea tray {Name} poured each man a cup, deep breaths taken to keep her fingers steady when handing them out, she soon seated herself on the stool, that had been Gunther's foot rest.

Watching the officer and captains take sips, and give delighted sighs {Name} bit back a groan. Having attempted to make the tea taste awful, and hurry the men along, she'd fallen into old habits from the times of making Levi tea. Being particular about how he took it, she'd simply grown accustomed to making it that way, to the extent she never really needed to think about it, and so trying to sabotage it was a failure.

Sitting taut, and with obvious tension {Name} sought to relax her posture when the beady-eyed officer placed a scrutinising stare on her.

Shoulders hunching {Name} chose to look down at the teacup that was rattling in her palms, she was shaking. Nerves wired {Name} wasn't sure how much longer she could play host, it was becoming unbearable.

The men happily sat discussing how they'd drive their German foes back home, and send them running for their mothers like the little boys they were had {Name} cringing. Fingers pressing at her forehead a whimpering laugh came when they looked at {Name}, expecting her to join with their crude natured conversation she sipped at her tea to excuse her silence.

_"Have you heard that song the British are singing?"_ One of the captains spoke up with an amused grin _"About Hitler having tiny balls."_

 

Spitting out her tea {Name} almost choked, Olou patting her back roughly as she gagged back a laugh.

_"And how Goering only has one."_ Adding another snippet of what the British troops were apparently singing, it made the men laugh heartily.

 

From below a strange, strangled cry sounded, panic overtaking {Name} stamped at the floor, a hand slapping at her leg to give the impression she was merely laughing along, but with a little more physical empathise.

 

Suspicion in the pale-faced captain who'd snagged his boot on the latch of the cellar door, it made {Name} squirm.

_"You're quite nervous my dear,"_ placing down the teacup and saucer the commanding officer sat forward _"Like your hiding something."_

Head snapping up {Name} felt colour rush out of her face, mouth drying up she fumbled for words.

_"I'm tired if I'm honest."_ Trying to remain in control of her nerves {Name} set down the teacup, hands running down her thighs they stopped at the knees, gripping them tightly _"I haven't been sleeping well."_ Continuing the lie {Name} could not help but bless timing when a yawn stretched her mouth.

 

It wasn't so much lack of sleep, but stress that was making her feel exhausted.

The commander sat back suddenly, reaching into a pocket he pulled out an old, antique pocket watch. It's cover popped open, his eyes squinted to read the clock face _"My my, it is awfully early."_ Chuckling at his own words the man set the pocket watch back inside the pocket _"To think we woke a lady at such early hours, forgive me."_ Offering an apology for what was more than just a rude awakening, but making no attempt to leave {Name} sighed.

In time, with the tea all gone, and conversation drying up, the commanding officer decided it was time to leave. A flutter of relief taking away the stress in her stomach {Name} almost skipped as she guided the men out the front door, pausing only when Olou remained on the doorstep.

With Olou's  arms open wide {Name} rushed into his hold.

Knowing that one more person she cared deeply for was potentially marching out to his death, it made {Name} reluctant to let him go when they hugged each other again.

Gripping to the back of Olou's  shirt tightly {Name} inhaled deeply, breath quivering with the strain of not breaking down again she stepped back slowly.

_"Give them hell."_ Giving meek words of encouragement {Name} finally smiled when Olou  stood straight, chest puffed out in pride he gave {Name} a salute.

A cough sounding from the Commanding Officer of the detachment, Olou  and {Name} gave each other a small nod. With an apology the aged man told Olou  that they would need to begin moving again, to rejoin the others answering their orders to move up to the front.

With a firm grip on {Name}'s shoulder Olou  smiled _"I will personally see to it, that Levi's sacrifice was not a vain one."_

A nod following his bold words Olou  gave {Name}'s shoulder a squeeze before he moved to rejoin the others preparing to continue their journey.

Standing by the garden wall {Name} waved off the men, their jovial spirits uplifting to her own as they sang La Marseillaise, the words having never sounded more prominent than they did at that moment.

Their voices left {Name} ashamed, they were filled with pride at being called forward to protect their homes and the people they loved.

Unknowing of the fact {Name} was hiding their very enemy beneath the floorboards of her home.

Their voices coming together in harmony, they continued to sing with pride. Until all {Name} could make out was a distant humming, their silhouettes blurring into the woodland as they continued their march.

Turning away {Name} ran a hand over the back of her neck. Shoulders rolling to work out the tenseness in the muscles a deep exhale carried away the last of it. Taking more time than necessary to return to the living room {Name} dropped to rest on her haunches over the cellar hatch, head tipped to side it rested on her shoulder.

_"They're gone."_ Speaking loudly, but not quite shouting {Name} smiled when a few disgruntled sounds filtered up through the floor.

_"Who the hell wrote that song?"_ One of the younger men cried out, it was almost like he'd taken personal offence to it.

The reminder making {Name} bite back a laugh but also wonder if Goring, whoever he was, really did have one ball. Cupping her mouth when the laughter threatened to break out {Name} tried to calm herself, rocking slowly on her feet to keep from losing it altogether.

_"How would they even know if the Fuhrer had small balls?"_ Being as dim as he could be Bertholdt made the question, sound like a genuine question.

It was too much for {Name}, arms folding over the top of her knees she dropped her head down, the hearty laugh flowing freely {Name} almost missed the angry shout that came up through the floor.

_ "I swear, you better not be finding this funny!" _

Close to howling {Name} wiped away the steady flow of tears that collected in her eyes. For once not crying out of sadness, it elevated her spirits, leaving her feeling warm.

_ "You just wait until we get out of here Fraulein!" _

The anger in the man's voice made {Name} slow in her laugh, that and her chest and stomach was aching.

_"By the cracking shot Fraulein gave Smith, I'd say the British will be singing about your lost balls,"_ Reiner called out, voice quieter it seemed like he was furthest from the hatch.

A series of laughs rumbled beneath {Name}, though it died down quickly.

_"Sorry, Sir!"_ Stuttering out an apology Reiner sounded sheepish and regretful of his comment.

Deciding it was time to let them out {Name} picked up one end of the sofa, dragging it back enough to uncover the half of the carpet that covered the cellar hatch. Rolling it back, a finger hooked in the latch, the wood groaning as it was pulled up. 

Bending over the hatch door {Name} looked down at the dusty faces blinking away from the light.

They looked like miners, except rather than coal soot, they were coated in dust and old cobwebs.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Trying to organise themselves {Name} waited at the edge of the hatch, legs parted she pressed her booted feet into the corners of the opening, arms stretched down to help up Gunther he held one of her arms, the other hooking over as they pushed his good foot from below.

Following after Gunther was Eren. Less inclined to take {Name}'s hand, it was grabbed out of necessity. Being shorter than Gunther, even with the boost of the soldier below, he fell short of being able to securely grip the edge.

With much muttering Eren crawled over the ledge, allowing {Name} to return to helping. Two at a time, their guns were fed up through the hole, one for each Eren and {Name} to take they rested them carefully behind the hatch door.

One by one the men clambered out, brushing themselves down and moaning about being stuck in cramped quarters they stretched out their aching bodies. Leaving only four down in the cellar, all of which were too heavy for {Name} to lift, she dropped her legs from the ledge, curling them up to grip the floorboards until a space cleared up behind her to stand.

Reiner appeared first, a helping hand given by Eren the two men turned to assist Bertholdt, his neck bent to the side due to his height, and not much room between his head and the floorboards, he looked relieved when the opening allowed him to straighten up.

Equally, so did Mike, a small crown of dust in his hair a hand brushed it away. Depositing it down in the darkness of which he emerged from, it was a little more effort to bring him up than it was for him to get down. Reiner and Bertholdt almost having to lay back from trying to get Mike back above ground.

Last, was Erwin.

Stepping out from the shadows, his eyes were almost ignited against the lightless backdrop. It frightened {Name} a little when they turned to focus on her, with legs unhooking {Name} backed away from the hatch.

No longer under immediate threat of discovery, the men relaxed. A few returning to their rooms, some occupied the kitchen. The leftovers of the dinner they'd made themselves heated on the stove, {Name} stayed to assist Reiner and Bertholdt in putting the living room back together.

Erwin remained in the corner of the room, his arm stretched over his stomach the hand gripped tightly at his side. A tenseness in his mouth and jaw {Name} narrowed her gaze, he was trying to hide something. Refusing to allow whatever was bothering him to be completely visible

Coming to stand in front of Erwin, hand raised, waving it back and forth {Name} was unsettled by his lack of acknowledgement. Focus not on anything, in particular, he was close to being in a daze.

_"Did you hit your head?"_ Asking softly {Name} watched Erwin's eyes flicker, they were trying to remain open. Being up close {Name} could see that Erwin was losing colour, a clammy texture breaking across his face.

Paying attention to Erwin's body {Name} zig-zagged down until both eyes landed on the hand gripping tightly at his side. The area around it was wet, the black leather glove dripping with a dark liquid {Name}'s head shot back in surprise.

Pushing out the side of Erwin's coat {Name} held back a gasp. Beneath the coat more dark patches were found, spreading across the abdomen, and down his thigh {Name} stepped back.

Unable to make sense of why Erwin did not mention the cut, or for that matter how it came to be {Name} placed a hand on his arm. Sensing it was potentially pride {Name} gave a push, trying to force Erwin into moving, she was thankful that he finally snapped out of his daze.

_"Upstairs."_ Nodding towards the stairs {Name} moved from Erwin's side, hooking up the medical bag on the departure from the living room {Name} waited for Erwin to go first. Moving with surprising efficiency given his prior state {Name} jogged up after, meeting on the landing she motioned for Erwin to go to the room he was occupying.

From the moment of their arrival, the men had split the bedrooms between them. Bunking up as three or four to a room, it left {Name} under the impression her bedroom was the only one in single occupancy.

That was until Erwin opened the door of the room on the left of her bedroom. Inside the room was clean, well organised, or rather it was difficult to say that a person was sleeping in it.

From the occasional glances in the other men's rooms that {Name} managed, Erwin's was immaculate by comparison.

It didn't look as though Erwin was sharing, though {Name} guessed his position amongst the men gifted him the small privilege of not having to.

Dropping the bag {Name} turned to where Erwin was standing, the daze like expression no longer present, he looked more like himself. Minus the stiffness in his jaw, pride no doubt stopping him from complaining over the wound at his side.

_"You need to get your coat off."_ Giving the suggestion {Name} was mildly surprised when Erwin didn't argue, the hand falling away from his side, one eye closed up in a wince.

With a little effort, the coat was dropped to reveal the uniform jacket that was usually clean and well presented. Baring a medium sized semi-circle stain, and a large tear over the area Erwin had been holding, the jacket of his uniform was quickly removed to join the coat.

"What did you do?" Exasperated {Name} stepped forward, paying no mind to whom she was dealing with, the ends of the shirt were pulled out from where they were neatly tucked in Erwin's trousers.

Pushing the side of the shirt up to get a clear view of what {Name} suspected was a simple, but deep cut from catching on something in the cellar, she paused.

_"You've been stabbed."_ Fingers gently poking the edges of the torn skin, it was neat, only a couple of inches wide. The shade of red that spilt thankfully not dark meaning no artery or organ damage. In truth, it looked to have only made it through some layers of muscle, and the little fat that Erwin possessed.

It was a deep surface wound, more like a slash than an actual stabbing.

The oddity of the situation was that someone clearly intended to do Erwin harm. Without the proper facilities, or equipment {Name} would have been at a loss on dealing with the injury. If the person were lucky, Erwin would have likely experienced a slow and painful death _"Take off your shirt."_ Advising Erwin to remove the stained garment {Name} released the hold she had on it.

Moving away {Name} snagged a hand towel that was folded on the dresser, cleaning up the blood from both hands {Name} crouched to retrieve a fresh stitching needle and sewing spindle.

_"Why didn't you say anything?"_ Speaking around the handle of the scissors gripped in between the teeth, a craning of the neck allowed {Name} to look back up at Erwin. With the shirt having joined the small pile of clothes {Name} let her eyes wander over his exposed torso. It was evident Erwin looked after his body, as the muscles were well developed, but not overly defined.

Dropping down to where Erwin's hips narrowed {Name} looked back up quickly. It unprofessional to be caught admiring the physique of a patient, that and it was Erwin. The sole cause for all of {Name}'s stress in the passing weeks.

Though it did not stop a light flush of colour heating her face, a fact she was thoroughly ashamed of.

Resting against the wall Erwin's head was tipped back, the hand, free of the glove, once more covering the slash just above his hip "I think you're missing the more important questions." Speaking bluntly Erwin brought his head off the wall, a slight curve in one of the thick brows he possessed when {Name} stared back rather wide-eyed.

The heat from admiring Erwin dissipating, but leaving her a little flustered, she returned to preparing her equipment.

Unscrewing the lid of a small bottle of disinfectant a cotton pad was placed over the opening, before tipping the bottle. The cotton pad removed once it was lightly damp {Name} returned the lid, a thumb gently tapping the pad to ensure enough had been soaked up.

Tugging on the stitching thread to ascertain it was on the needle securely {Name} dropped the scissors out of her mouth into the waiting hand "The matter of who or why is for a later time." Looping the index finger through the handle of the scissors she angled them, keeping the pointed end flat against the palm of her hand.

_"If you hadn't of been standing there with a face like someone had insulted your mother."_ moving closer to Erwin's side {Name} gently ran the disinfected cotton over the edges of the cut.

Erwin's arm raised to keep it out of the way {Name} gave no warning before sliding the needle through his skin.

A low grumble vibrating in his throat it made {Name} smile _"You wouldn't be here to ask, or even answer those questions."_ Being a little more forceful than what was needed, or even expected for sewing up a rather insignificant wound, she bit down on her bottom lip to keep from smiling.

_"I would much rather not know,"_ speaking slowly as {Name} remained concentrated on sewing up Erwin's side her head tipped up _"But who would want you dead?"_ Questioning Erwin quietly on who in his small group would want him out of the way, {Name} swallowed when met with Erwin's gaze.

Over time {Name} learnt that Erwin was a master manipulator, not just with words, but with expressions. Having experienced only one side of Erwin's wiles, the face Erwin was wearing put {Name} out of her comfort zone. It was calm like it always was, but it was warm.

_"I didn't say anything, cause you told me you wouldn't help."_ Mumbling Erwin winced when {Name} accidentally pushed the needle a little too sharply through the skin.

In a panic {Name} returned to watching what she was doing, mouth pursing in a mixture of concentration and confusion it relaxed enough to let {Name} speak.

_"That didn't answer my question."_ Fingers unexpectedly shaking {Name} paused when Erwin laughed above her, though it didn't last long until a hissing sound replaced the soft rumbling notes.

The arm that Erwin rested over {Name}'s shoulder so that it wasn't in her way slid back until his fingers closed around her shoulder _"I was answering your first question."_ Finally sounding as though he was actually in pain, his chest filled with air, puffing out until it was slowly exhaled through his nose.

Brows travelling up until they were lost in her fringe {Name} mentally berated herself. Indeed, after finding out what brought them to {Name}'s door, she'd told Erwin that she would never assist him. 

Though {Name} never expected Erwin to let her keep her word, by not mentioning that he was hurt. If {Name} had not paid Erwin any attention it looked as though he would have exposed himself to either shock, blood loss or infection. All for want of allowing {Name} to be able to stick to her word.

_"That was a stupid reason to keep it to yourself,"_ mumbling {Name} returned to closing up the opening on Erwin's side, fingers once more steady the needle glided through without issue or complaint _"I need you alive and kicking."_

Keeping her head down {Name} could feel Erwin looking down at her, though whatever expression he was now wearing was a mystery. In truth {Name} didn't want to know. There was no special meaning behind what she'd said, other than Erwin was probably the only reason she had remained unharmed.

Remaining in silence {Name} eventually tapped the hand Erwin was resting on her shoulder. Passing the scissors to Erwin's waiting hand, {Name} made a loop with the thread, feeding the needle through to create a tight knot to keep the stitches in place she took back the scissors to cut away the excess.

Lightly poking the edges of the stitches {Name} was satisfied they would keep _"Don't do anything strenuous, or they may tear."_ Telling Erwin what he probably already knew {Name} made to step away.

The hand that was resting on {Name}'s shoulder moving it cupped the side of her face, twisting his body Erwin soon held her face in his hands. Much larger than Levi's had been it startled {Name}, his fingers able to reach into her hairline the index brushed lightly over the crescent of missing skin at her temple.

Ready to question Erwin, the words were trapped in his mouth. Meeting gently {Name} could sense nervousness from Erwin, expecting {Name} to push back and refuse the advance.

 


	13. Chapter 13

{Name} wanted to remove Erwin. 

Except, {Name}'s mind was arguing against it, but her body was responding in favour of the unexpected contact.

Taking care not to catch the stitches {Name}'s fingers fanned out over Erwin's exposed skin, a light application of pressure from him and their bodies came together; slow, uncertain steps were taken back {Name}'s shoulder bumped against the wall.

Becoming more active in the kiss {Name} stiffened when Erwin made to part her mouth, her mind practically screaming for her to stop, she could not ignore the tingling warmth building between her thighs. A hitching breath parting her lips, Erwin's body pressed harder against her.

Desire selfishly driven by the increasingly absent intimate contact, {Name} slowly drowned out the complaints in her mind. Fingers biting at Erwin's sides he manoeuvred one of his legs to part her own, the muscular thigh pushing up.

_"Sir?"_ A voice entering the room from the corridor {Name}'s eyes sprung open, the speaker pushing the door as if to enter {Name}'s leg shot out. Clipping the door sharply, it bounced back on the person trying to enter, a loud bang emitting as it caught the person off guard.

Scrambling to separate from Erwin, a hand pushed away his thigh, her leg catching on it as she slid across the wall. Unable to make eye contact {Name} turned her back on Erwin, arms wrapped and hugging her trembling body she crouched beside her medical bag. Legs quivering from the buildup of excitement, she was sure she'd have fallen if she tried to remain standing.

The creak of the door opening again slowly {Name} dared a peek over her shoulder, Erwin's bareback blocking {Name} from seeing who it was, she noted how he angled himself to keep the injured hip out of view.

Quiet murmurings from the two men {Name} caught the faint sound of Erwin apologising for the door hitting the man, her mouth pulling tight a hand clapped over her face.

What was {Name} thinking? Allowing Erwin to kiss her was bad enough, but the blame was not totally with him. {Name} almost eagerly responded to his advance, like she needed it. The excuse of not having been intimate for months was not a viable reason for the way she'd acted.

_ "One of the men is missing." _

The sentence roused {Name} from the silent berating she was giving herself. Twisting on her feet {Name}'s head cocked, the little voice in her head falling quietly so she could hear their conversation a bit more clearly. A few of the words unfamiliar as they were speaking in their language, she caught the gist of what was being said.

Moblit was nowhere to be found.

Thinking about it, {Name} couldn't recall seeing him come out of the cellar. Though he most certainly went in.

_"Are you certain?"_ Erwin's tone no longer sounded relaxed, his back displaying the same tenseness carried in his voice.

_"We've checked all the rooms Sir,"_ identifying the person at the door as Eren she stood up slowly _"We can't locate him."_

Unsure whether Erwin was trying to conceal {Name}'s presence in the room she remained silent on her thoughts. A few more words exchanged between the two men, Erwin eventually stepped back from the door, allowing it to close quietly.

Pretending to be interested in the bag once more {Name} waited for Erwin to say something in regards to Moblit being missing.

_"I know you understood that,"_ adopting the tone of which Erwin usually addressed {Name}, a slow, uncertain nod answered him "We will need to look for him."

Turning slowly {Name} managed to bring her gaze level with Erwin's _"He didn't leave the cellar."_

Pausing as he pulled on a clean shirt Erwin looked down at her crouched form, the thick brows drawing into the middle of his forehead "Are you sure?" apparent doubt ringing in his tone {Name} looked thoughtfully off to the side.

Part of her thankful there didn't appear to be any odd tension between them, and that the matter may be easily brushed under the carpet {Name} stood up slowly.

Hands brushing away invisible dirt to hide that they were still shaking _"I didn't help him out, and Eren would have remembered if he did."_ Explaining the reason behind her suggestion {Name} waited for Erwin to respond.

Finishing buttoning up the clean shirt Erwin took care when tucking it into his trousers, head bowed like he was in thought it wasn't until he moved to the door that Erwin spoke again _"Let's go."_

With nothing more to be said {Name} followed him slowly out of the bedroom. Arms folding {Name} was quite thankful to see the other men were already heading downstairs, not one of them looking back or taking notice of the fact she'd left Erwin's room. It would be disastrous if rumours began about the two, or even suspicion that their relationship was more than purely professional.

Even with the slip in judgement, {Name} remained firm on the idea that it would stay professional, and nothing more.

Gathered once more in the living room nineteen men stood, {Name} bringing the number to twenty when it should have made twenty-one. The absence of one of them having gone unnoticed for as long as it did was probably due to their panic of being discovered.

Moving without being asked or told {Name} once more asked for Reiner and Bertholdt's assistance on moving the sofa back. Kicking back the carpet {Name} ignored the stares directed at her " _You didn't help Moblit out, did you Eren?"_ Aiming the question at the tan skinned male {Name} watched him look to Erwin for how to respond _"Did you?"_ Pressing the young man for an answer {Name} rolled her eyes when he merely shook his head in reply.

Understanding that Eren was not exactly fond of her, it was aggravating that he never directly answered a question, always speaking through someone else, or ignoring her totally. Pulling up the hatch door {Name} waved a hand at the lingering Bertholdt _"There is a torch in the bureau behind you."_

After some searching, the cold metal was slapped in her waiting hand _"The cellar stretches under the whole house, cuts into rooms from when it was used for storage."_ Giving insight to the cellars layout {Name} placed a hand on her hip _"Chances are Moblit just got turned around down there."_ Feeling almost like she was talking to herself {Name} glanced up from the dark mouth of the cellar, they were all watching her with a mixture of amusement and confusion.

_"No one rush to volunteer or anything then."_ Peeved at the lack of concern for their missing man {Name} sat herself on the edge of the opening.

Reluctant to go alone, considering Moblit may very well have been the one that attempted to stab Erwin, she was equally unwilling to take someone with her, as the person would also hold potential for being the culprit.

_"I will go with you."_ Stepping forward Mike shrugged off his uniform jacket, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to sit above the elbow {Name} caught Erwin's shift in posture from the corner of her eye.

Ignoring it {Name} turned to Mike as he crouched at her side _"I need someone shorter, there are low beams,"_ eyeing him, a taut smile stretched her mouth "I don't need you knocking yourself out."

With one brow shooting up at the comment Mike offered a strained smile of his own _"I will be careful."_

Relenting on the matter {Name} brought the torch up to her mouth _"Just be careful."_ Closing her teeth around the torch {Name} stretched forward, gripping the opposite edge firmly, she swung the rest of her body down into the opening, a moment taken she released the side.

Landing in a partial crouch {Name} staggered back a little, before stepping aside as Mike lowered himself, landing a bit better than she had.

Taking the torch out her mouth {Name} slid her finger down to the switch, a circle of yellowish light spilling into the otherwise darkened room she swung it left and right for a moment. It had been some time since she'd been down in the cellar, the collapsed stairs behind laying in a heap of splintered and cracked wood.

The air damp and musty it tickled the back of {Name}'s throat, the sleeve of her jumper shrugged down it was used to cover her mouth "This way." Aiming the torch down {Name} inspected the disturbed dust that coated the floor, clear boot prints showing where the men had been standing while they were hiding.

Stretching a hand up {Name} would be able to warn Mike about a beam before he came into contact with it, already hunched, there was little space between his head and the ceiling.

Following the trail of dusty boot prints further into the bowels of the cellar {Name} found the creaks of the men upstairs growing fainter, they were heading beneath the dining room "Beam." Fingers tapping the old wood {Name} heard Mike mumble thanks, a part of her wanting to have left Mike to discover it for himself she continued.

In no time at all the trail of prints disappeared. Instead, two lines replaced them. Stopping suddenly {Name} wasn't surprised when Mike hit against her back.

_"What? Hit yourself on a beam?"_ Trying to make a joke Mike's head popped over {Name}'s shoulder.

Hand raised it slapped Mike from the shoulder; the torches light concentrated on the rough paths cutting through the dirt.

_"Look."_ Trying to call Mike's attention to what {Name} was focused on, she found the torch snatched out her hand, Mike moving from standing behind, to in front an outstretched hand closed around {Name}'s, a gentle tug bringing her against his back.

It looked as though something heavy had been dragged away from the main room of the cellar. The thought making {Name} twitch nervously, she held tighter to Mike's hand, not wanting to be separated {Name} moved in as close to him as was possible without prohibiting his movement.

_"Stay close."_ Whispering back at {Name} cautious steps carried them forward. Unable to see properly from behind Mike's back, the torches light barely touched the edges of the room they were in, though it drew {Name}'s attention to a shadowy mass.

_"To the left."_ Gripping tighter to Mike's hand, she watched the light drift slowly; it's dirty yellow light exposing old barrels and boxes {Name} waited for it to reach the area that caught her eye.

Hand clapping over {Name}'s mouth, a rough whisper kept her from fighting back. 

Jaw quivering {Name} nodded stiffly to the commands breathed into her ear from Mike.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Jumping when Mike called for {Name}'s attention she looked at him in an almost daze. Balanced on one knee, his hands crossed over his thigh, creating a rest for {Name}'s foot _"Fraulein."_ Speaking tersely to encourage her to move Mike gave a small, if not strained, smile when {Name} made a jittery step towards him.

Placing a foot in Mike's hands {Name} gripped his shoulders, readying to step up when Mike gave the boost her jaw clenched to keep it steady.

_"Just stay calm,"_ talking quietly so that the people waiting above did not hear _"And remember what I told you."_ Mike tried to soothe {Name}'s shaken state.

Nodding {Name} tapped at Mike's shoulder to say that she was ready. With a quick and efficient push up {Name}'s arms left Mike's shoulders, hooking them over the edge of the hatch, she placed the foot Mike had been holding on the opposite side.

Ignoring the pair of hands that reached out to help {Name} crawled out of the cellar opening.

Shuffling on her knees to move out of the way of Reiner and Bertholdt who were assisting Mike again, {Name} gripped at her knees. A cough clearing the dust that'd been breathed into her lungs, she tensed when someone questioned Moblit's whereabouts.

Still hunched over from the coughing fit she found herself in, a side glance was thrown to where Mike was crouched beside the hatch.

Equally as coated in dust as {Name} was, Mike gave a shake of his head _"Not down there."_ Answering with sincerity, a sharp look was thrown at {Name} when she made an awkward noise of protest, hand thrown out to stop anyone firing questions {Name} continued to hack and cough.

Using the second coughing fit to cover for the noise she'd made {Name} crawled away from the hatch a little more before stumbling to her feet.

Keeping from catching anyone's gaze {Name} pushed out of the living room, making haste to the kitchen a glass was snatched from the side.

Running the tap {Name} filled the glass, taking the water down in greedy gulps to remove the dust tickling the back of her throat, and hopefully bring the coughing to a stop.

_ "Fraulein." _

Startled, the glass slipped from {Name}'s fingers.

Landing with a smash in the sink {Name}'s hand flew up to her throat, fingers scratching nervously at the skin the other hand gripped the edge of the sink to keep her from falling back.

Retreating when Erwin approached {Name} dropped to focus on the floor, feet sluggishly responding to her movement a yelp jumped out of her mouth when Erwin gripped her arm to keep her still.

Trying to break Erwin's hold {Name} twisted the arm, though it only made him hold on tighter.

_ "Moblit's dead!" _

Voice pitching between a shout, before decreasing to barely a whisper {Name}'s eyes closed before snapping open. The image of Moblit imprinted {Name} tried again to shake Erwin off, thankful that he released she stepped back, legs hitting against a chair she fell onto it.

The click of the kitchen door closing brought both Erwin and {Name} to glance up, Mike's hand raising to keep Erwin from asking any questions, the other threw a pack of cigarettes across the table.

Picking the battered packet up {Name} quickly took out a cigarette, not bothered by it being bent out of shape it took a couple of attempts to light due to her fingers shaking almost uncontrollably.

_"We have a situation, Erwin."_ Being bluntly honest Mike drew up a chair, turning it around he dropped onto it, arms folding over the backrest, the cigarette bobbed up and down in the corner of his mouth.

Head angling to the side Erwin gripped at his chin, the index finger tapping lightly against it _"I see."_ Arms moving to fold at his chest Erwin straightened up _"There is still a snake among us then."_

Gripping the cigarette between finger and thumb Mile exhaled with a sneering laugh _"A cowardly one, they slit Moblit ear to ear,"_ with a hand running through his hair Mike sighed _"The poor bastard didn't have a chance."_

Heaving at the reminder {Name} covered her mouth, the bile bubbling up her throat forced back down she crossed her legs. Trapping the free hand between her thighs to keep it still, the thumb of her other hand flicked anxiously over the butt of the cigarette.

_"It was methodical."_ Adding in the information she'd garnered from the quick inspection {Name} had done of Moblit's still warm corpse, she bit down on the inside of her cheek _"Butcher with you, someone has training. Experienced, very experienced."_ Muttering incoherently {Name} shook her head.

Trying to gather her thoughts so that she'd be understood, {Name} drew in a calming breath before attempting to speak again _"They knew what they were doing, to avoid the arterial spray."_ Finally making some sense {Name} looked from Mike to Erwin _"To make a cut like-"_ stopping mid-sentence {Name} sat straight.

When Olou arrived, and the Commanding Officer and Captain's came inside, noise from below had almost given them away when the pale-faced captain told the room about the song the British were singing about Hitler.

When {Name} was speaking with them through the floor, it was Reiner who'd sounded the furthest away.

_"You appear to have figured something out, Fraulein?"_ Mike's soft tone brought {Name} to look at him.

It would not be wise to start pointing fingers based on what she'd heard alone. It would start dissension between the men, and trigger paranoia. In a time where the men were already on edge from nearly being discovered, and living with that fear always hovering over them, it was best to remain as far away from the politics of the group.

Getting too involved would only put {Name} at risk. As it was, one man was murdered beneath the cottage, and Erwin received an attempt at what would have been a slow and agonising death if it had been successful.

The culprit clearly was a merciless being. Cutting a man's throat took a great deal of strength, mainly to keep the person still enough to make as meticulous a cut as they had.

It was bordering on psychotic.

_"When are you planning on leaving?"_ Skipping over the subject they were initially discussing {Name} threw the remainder of the cigarette into the sink.

The palm of her hand grinding against the temple {Name} looked between the two men.

Their faces drawn up in surprise at the question, it was evident that {Name} needed to explain.

_"The men could be experiencing cabin fever."_ Lowering the hand from her temple {Name} lit up another cigarette, the tip of her tongue gliding over her bottom lip _"Though they do wander outside, they're confined a lot of the time indoors. It isn't healthy."_

In truth, the men had arrived almost two months ago. The house was crowded, their entertainment small, and their freedom to move as they pleased, non-existent.

_ "It's plausible that what happened with Moblit, was from the stress of the situation, distrust, and cabin fever." _

Though {Name} had some understanding of the group's dynamics, and with what she'd learnt from listening in on their conversations, it became apparent that there was distrust among them.

Moblit's death could have been actioned under some belief, that the French soldiers arriving on the doorstep were Moblit's doing.

They'd been betrayed before and lost over half their men. It was possible for it to happen again.

_"They don't trust each other. Not entirely."_ Voicing her thoughts on what she'd noticed over time {Name} gave a small shrug _"They have little cliques, you must be able to see that?"_

It was only during meal times the men sat together as one. Even then it was arranged in order of who they spent the most time with, and who they were bunking with.

"Even you two do it," pointing between Erwin and Mike a slight hesitance came on deciding whether to bring up the tension that laid between them "You don't seem to trust each other."

Sitting back when Erwin and Mike shared a look, {Name} half expected them to laugh off her verdict of the situation.

Instead, they both nodded agreement.

Scratching at the underside of his beard Mike smiled lightly _"It's not that I distrust Erwin, it's just he is not exactly forthcoming with what he is thinking."_

At the comment, Erwin nodded slowly _"Neither are you, Mike."_

The two men locked sights, Mike's brow drawn up, a slow smile eventually lightened his expression _"I guess I'm not."_

Pressing back as far as she could in the chair {Name} felt the air thicken with the tension between the two men. They were speaking calmly, like old friends, but there was still underlying doubt between them.

The commanding officer did not trust the man who was supposed to act as his right hand. Likewise, the captain did not trust the man who was meant to lead them.

{Name} was no mind reader, but she held strong suspicion that the two men suspected each other of being the traitor amongst them. Or at the very least, that one of them knew more than they were saying.

It was likely the reason behind both of them warning {Name} that neither of them could be trusted.

Either that or they were playing the part of not trusting the other, to attempt to coerce the person they suspected, out.

Though, it still did not answer the question of who'd taken Moblit's life and tried the same on Erwin.

All {Name} had done was give possible reasoning behind the bizarre turn of events. It didn't answer the overbearing question, of who?

Even now {Name} did not suspect Reiner. It was not like she was down in the cellar with them, they could have moved around to make for more comfortable positioning. Besides, without knowing the layout, and no source of light, Reiner would of hit upon the low beam she'd had to warn Mike about.

_"You're looking for someone under five foot ten."_ Interrupting Mike and Erwin's deliberation on how best to handle the situation {Name} stood up from the chair "There is no way they could have seen the beams in the area they took Moblit."

Throwing the cigarette to join the other in the sink {Name} moved to exit the room, gripping the handle she paused _"There is an exit hatch out the back, you can say Moblit went out that way."_

Not wanting to stay and listen to Mike and Erwin discuss how best to keep the men from finding out, and how to keep the men calm {Name} gave them the best excuse they could use in the situation.

After all, it would only be one, or possibly two of the men who'd know what was actually hiding away in the cellar. Though leaving Moblit down, there was not to {Name}'s liking, it was not possible to remove him with things being as they were.

_"Fraulein,"_ Erwin called after {Name}, keeping her back to them she waited _"Don't say anything to them, not even Bertholdt."_ Picking up on the matter that {Name} was a little soft on the dopey man Erwin seemed to stress his name.

_"I'm not going to go skipping through singing about it."_ Tugging the door open {Name} slipped out the kitchen, the thick atmosphere close to suffocating, it was easier to breathe in the corridor.

Sealing the door behind {Name} watched the men walk between the living room and stairs. They were wired, full of energy, but unable to expel any of it. Their bodies were rigid, like rubber bands ready to snap at any given moment. 

Only now, did {Name} honestly feel the threat that they were. Before they kept their distance, rarely spoke with her, or really even acknowledged that she was there.

Now they spoke freely, going so far as to engage {Name} in light conversation. At times {Name} could feel their eyes looking at her, more so the younger men than, the older ones.

Pinching at the bottom lip {Name} tried to shake off the feeling that something wasn't right. It was a notion twisting around without proper form in her mind, unrelated to Moblit, but weighing down heavily on the back of her mind.

Quietly whispered warnings creeping through her head {Name}'s gut instinct was telling her not to be alone with any one of them. To stay where they were in a collection, the threat was not the group, but an individual.

Standing on the stairs, and the living room door {Name} continued to watch them. Gunther and the hopping man, who {Name} now knew to be Erd, and who was no longer hopping sat in the corner, a pack of cards out they looked to be playing poker.

Reiner, Bertholdt and Eren took up the sofa. Eren and Bertholdt looking completely lost by whatever Reiner was trying to explain to them, it drew the attention of a couple of the men behind. Resting over the back of the sofa, hands waved and pointed as they all tried to add their own thoughts.

The quiet blonde boy, who {Name} still refused to believe was the same age as Eren, sat in the corner reading one of her books. Always keeping to himself, and almost always quiet, she often forgot he was there.

Counting them slowly, she found there only to be sixteen. One man was nowhere to be seen.

 


	15. Chapter 15

The creak of an overhead board made {Name}'s tip back, the pressure of the weight on the boards was slow like they were either walking at a snail pace or creeping.

{Name} knew it was best to listen to her gut, to ignore the person creeping around in the bedrooms. Whatever their reason, it was none of her own, she was already far too involved with the group. Too willing to aid them, and allow lapses in her judgement with them.

If there was one among them determined to take them down from the inside out, it was not for {Name} to meddle.

Stepping into the living room {Name} quietly approached Gunther and Erd. The two men looking up when she hovered over their game, a finger pointed to Gunther's leg. Without question Gunther adjusted himself, the leg lifting from the floor he placed it over {Name}'s when she took a seat on the stool he'd been using as a rest.

Letting them return to their game {Name} slowly unwound the bandaging, pleasantly surprised by the healing she prodded the stitching. Skin healed over {Name} gave a satisfied nod _"The stitches can come out tomorrow,"_ angling his leg to get a clear view of either side she smiled _"Though you will still need to take it easy on moving around."_

With a nod to say Gunther understood he took his leg away when {Name} gave it a gentle tap. Leaving the bandaging off for a couple of hours would allow it time to breathe, that, and the bandaging was upstairs, the last place {Name} wanted to be in that moment.

After spending some time watching Gunther and Erd play, they dealt her in without asking. Not wanting to miss the chance to be distracted {Name} entered the game, her best poker face put to the test by the two men watching every little gesture she made.

_"Royal flush!"_ With an excited yell {Name} laid down her hand, a small victory dance made in her seat Gunther threw down his hand. Beside him Erd stroked at the small goatee on his chin, mouth tight he slowly set down his hand. Like Gunther, his hand held nothing.

_"Beginners luck."_ Gunther chided, sitting forward in the chair to inspect the hand {Name} had been dealt.

It wasn't the first time {Name} had played, in fact, she was quite gifted when it came to cards. Though she remained tight-lipped on the matter, choosing to let Gunther and Erd believe it was merely beginners luck that let her win each hand they'd played.

Continuing to wriggle on the stool, delighted by her winning hand {Name} turned, like the other men, when two sharp coughs stole everyone's attention.

Taking centre stage in the room Erwin and Mike eyed the group, settling on {Name}, Mike's head indicated that she needed to leave. Without question {Name} made her way out of the room, cupping a yawn it appeared to be right timing on {Name}'s behalf.

With the day's excitement {Name} was ready to crawl back into bed and try, if only for a small amount of time to forget the day's events.

Shutting out the voices from downstairs {Name} made sure to turn the key. Head resting against the door {Name} released a deep breath, deflating some of the tension in her chest before moving away from the door.

Shadow falling across {Name}, her throat seized up, closing off access to the scream that rose up in her chest. A blunt force to the side of the face it made {Name}'s head spin, staggering off to the side an arm raised to block the second incoming. Though all it managed to do was knock her off balance. Trying to remain upright {Name} felt the weight before she saw it, forearm pinned up under her chin her back bounced off the mattress, legs kicking {Name} soon found herself pinned.

_"Sssh."_ Hot breath hissing against one ear {Name}'s stomach curled when the man stroked her hair, the arm beneath the chin moving to grip at her mouth and keep her quiet.

Thrashing against the man laid on top {Name} screamed into the man's hand. The sound dampened by his sweaty fingers, he laughed breathily at {Name}'s distress. The hand in her hair coming away to stroke down the side of her face {Name}'s eyes drew unnaturally wide when the hand patted down her body.

_"Where is it?"_ Continuing to speak in a hissing whisper the man lifted slightly to allow the hand to reach the other side of her body _"Where is it Fraulein?"_

Heart pounding {Name} couldn't make sense of what he was asking, fingers curling tightly into the bedsheets a whimpering cry left her when the man pressed his face against hers _"Where is it?!"_ Closer to shouting the man appeared to be getting agitated by the lack of response from {Name}.

Repeating the question, almost like he was stuck in a loop, he sat up, hand still covering her mouth it let her arms move freely. Taking the man's face in her hands {Name} clawed at his cheeks, digging deep into the skin before dragging them down until he emitted a howl of pain.

Sitting back abruptly he placed a hand on his bleeding cheek, the other taking a firm grip in {Name}'s hair he dragged her from the bed. Legs kicking {Name} tried to gain stable footing, but each time she came close the man shook her head, the grip on her hair tightening to a point {Name} was sure it was going to be pulled out from the roots.

A flash of something shiny dangled in {Name}'s face, making her still in an instant. The sharp edge of the knife was stained, it had been used, and from the colouring, very recently.

_"I know you saw Moblit,"_ pulling {Name} up, the hold in her hair removed, the hand snatching at her waist the man tipped the knife back and forth.

_"If you don't tell me where it is, my friend here will be giving you the same treatment."_ Whispering in her ear {Name} swallowed, eyes blurring she didn't take them from the knife.

_"I don't know what "it" is."_ Trying to keep her voice steady, so as not to anger the man further she cried out when the tip of the knife was pressed against her throat _"The letter you dumb bitch. The one Erwin gave you."_ Finally explaining what he was after {Name} pulled away from the knife's tip as best she could, the letter was the last thing she possessed of Private Tommy, it held untold value to {Name}, life or not she was unwilling to merely give it up.

"It's in the wardrobe, there is a box at the bottom." Voice quivering, and rushed {Name} could only hope that he was desperate enough to believe the lie.

Eyes flickering between the wardrobe and {Name} the man pressed the knife point harder against her throat, it made {Name} stamp her feet. Arms raising to take hold of the man's arm she pushed against him, trying to make distance between the knife and her throat _"It's in the wardrobe!"_ Almost screeching {Name} could feel her breaths getting short and more pained.

If this continued, she'd hyperventilate.

With a rough push, the man charged at the wardrobe the doors thrown open he knelt to pull out the multiple boxes at the bottom of the closet.

_"Which on--!"_ turning in the moment {Name} lurched towards the door the man threw down the box in his hand, taking up the knife quickly he ran at her the moment the key twisted round in the lock.

Jumping back when the blade was brought down in a slashing motion {Name} lost her footing, sliding across the floor the man straddled {Name}, the knife in his hand driving down she barely managed to catch his wrist.

Scooting back across the floor to try and free her legs {Name} couldn't tell if the banging was them, or movement from elsewhere. The blood thundering in her ears leaving her close to being deaf, all {Name} knew was she needed to get the knife.

_ "Fraulein?!" _

The shout sounded distant, the pain in her chest spreading like fire {Name} stared down, the area between her breasts filling with a dark, almost black liquid as it pooled around the handle of the knife.

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Weight removed from {Name}'s body she lay staring at the ceiling for a long while. The voices buzzing in her ear like an annoying bumble bee, she felt her body going numb, limbs tingling {Name} struggled to swallow down the liquid filling her mouth.

It was only when someone tried to touch her that {Name} moved.

Flinching away from the contact {Name}'s hands worked overtime to bring her off the floor, boots pushing her across the wood until her back smacked against the wall, she practically hugged at it.

 _"He's dead."_ Standing over the man who'd threatened to kill {Name} a hand covered Bertholdt's mouth for a moment, his skin ashen as it fell away _"I think she stabbed him in the heart."_

Blinking over to where the man lay still {Name} could see the handle protruding from his chest. The burning in her own chest from the very same handle when the man had fallen against her.

Elbows pinned at her sides; her stained hands were held out and open. There was not a part of the skin that was clean; her hands painted in the man's blood.

Further back in the room Erwin stared down at where {Name} cowered, eyes wide in alarm he moved around the bodies _"Get him out of here."_ Giving the order sharply to the men they looked between Erwin and {Name}, though they looked as though they wanted to, none of them voiced any argument.

Sharing the weight of the dead man, Reiner and Bertholdt left the room first, the others trailing behind they all spared one parting glance {Name}'s way before leaving.

Coming to rest on his haunches Erwin must have forgotten about the stitched up wound on his side, for no sooner was he crouched, did a small hiss of pain leave him.

Glassy eyed {Name} could only stare at Erwin, his mouth was moving, but she couldn't tell what he was saying.

A high pitched ringing consuming both ears, her head shook back and forth slowly _"Where were you?"_

Taken back by the question Erwin paused in what he was saying, brow narrowed.

 _"You said if I worked with you,"_ trying to speak through the hiccuping sobs {Name} had to stop when her lungs forced in a shuddering breath _"You would keep me from harm."_

Thrusting out her hands, they were almost pushed under Erwin's nose _"You gave me your word!"_  Crying out the final words {Name} nearly screamed when Erwin pulled her in against his chest.

 _"I broke my word this time, but it won't happen again."_ Cooing Erwin ran a hand down {Name}'s back _"We need you,"_ pulling her in tighter Erwin buried his face in {Name}'s hair _"I need you, {Name}."_

The sentiment fell on deaf ears. Pretty words would not suffice for the near death experience {Name} had been put through. Erwin did not uphold his end of the deal, something which was a very clear outline of the agreement they'd made weeks before.

 _"You gutless pig."_ Pulling out an arm {Name} curled the fingers around the lapel of the dark coat, using forearm and elbow she pushed back at Erwin's chest, body stretching back against the hold he tried to maintain on her.

Shaking out her head from where it was trapped between Erwin and one of his arms {Name} finally broke free of his body, shuffling back across the floor {Name} placed both hands at her throbbing temples.

 _"You can't even stop your own men from killing themselves."_ speaking icily on the matter that had become a cold, hard truth in a few short hours {Name} laughed _"Your word is as good as dead."_

Hands slapping down onto her aching thighs {Name} refused to look away when Erwin's eyes narrowed in return. Burning with anger, and possibly a touch of humiliation a hand cupped over his mouth, the thumb-tapping against the sharp cheekbone _"You looked to have done an excellent job by yourself Fraulein."_ Gaze slanting to meet with {Name}'s incredulous stare Erwin lowered the hand to reveal a smile _"Everyone has their limits, right?"_

Repeating {Name}'s words back, her jaw flexed, the tongue pushing up between teeth and lip it run in a rapid circle before retreating to rest behind her teeth. Fingers curling {Name}'s fist cut up under Erwin's jaw, a solid crack of skin and bone he toppled back, a hand catching him before he fell entirely.

Resisting shaking out the fresh throbbing that spread across the knuckles {Name} swallowed as Erwin spat on the floor. The expected clear saliva painted a vibrant red {Name}'s brow shot up unexpectedly.

Fingers pressing at his mouth Erwin stared at the blood that dripped from his lip; he'd bitten it.

Legs uncurling {Name} pushed up onto her feet, attempting to flee the room, an arm caught at her waist, sending her sprawling back to the floor.

In a tangle of limbs {Name}'s boot purposely scraped down Erwin's injured hip, his teeth gritting against the pain, the other leg spread wide his knee pushed against her thigh to keep it still. One arm locked down above her head {Name} used the forearm of the other to keep Erwin's chest from pushing down.

Reaching a stalemate their chests heaved, exchanging defiant stares Erwin wrapped his free hand around the arm pressing into his chest. Moving it out of the way he adjusted his leg, the thigh pinned under his knee straightening {Name} lowered the boot digging into his hip.

Fingers flexing around the wrist stuck above {Name}'s head Erwin removed his grip, the hand finding her throat the thumb pushed up under {Name}'s chin, neck arched, their mouths met in the middle.

Wrapping the free hand around the back of Erwin's neck, the fingers bit into the skin pulling him closer. Unlike the time before the voices remained silent, allowing {Name} to respond efficiently to Erwin's prompts.

Back arching when Erwin reached for the buttons on her trousers {Name}'s fingers slid under the lip of his belt, easing it back she pushed out the small pin letting the buckle fall slack.

Mouths parting Erwin bit down lightly on her bottom lip, breath hitching when Erwin tugged down her trousers {Name} assisted by raising her hips off the floor, allowing the garment to float down her thighs. Legs crossed over his waist {Name} pushed at the heel of her boot, shaking it off, she did the same to remove the other.

Creating an arch in his back Erwin undone his trousers as {Name} pushed down her own, with one leg free Erwin pushed back against her.

Fingers fanning over Erwin's face their foreheads knocked together lightly when Erwin pressed into her, sucking on her bottom lip {Name} moved her head to rest in the dip between Erwin's neck and shoulder, one hand curled to grip the back of his coat the other gripped his arm.


	17. Chapter 17

Soft panting breaths were broken up by the loud claps of thunder that rumbled above. Fingers stroking lightly over sweat kissed skin, Levi placed a kiss at the tip of {Name}'s nose, rousing a soft tittering laugh from her.

_"When you suggested taking cover in the barn,"_ Brushing the strands of hair that stuck to Levi's forehead away {Name} smiled up at him _"This was not what I had in mind."_

Admitting to the fact {Name} was still a little perplexed how they'd gone from escaping the unexpected downpour, to being locked in an intimate embrace {Name} could only smile when Levi's head dipped to place soft kisses along her jaw and neck.

This was not exactly what {Name} had in mind for what was to be her first time. The romantic setting she'd imagine swept away by their nervous, and very real, roll in the hay.

_"We needed to do something to pass the time,"_ Sounding blunt Levi's face broke into a smile when {Name}'s hand slapped lazily at his shoulder _"Or are you trying to suggest you regret it?"_ Pressing up on his arms Levi hovered over {Name}, their noses brushing together when her head shook slowly.

_"My only regret,"_ running a hand beneath her exposed breast to remove a stick of hay, it waved under Levi's nose _"Is that I have hay in places hay should never be."_

Staring at the golden strand they both broke into laughter, Levi's head burying in {Name}'s shoulder his arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her close _"We'll use the bed next time."_ Whispering into her ear Levi pressed a kiss to the side of {Name}'s head.

Hand out and reaching {Name} woke with a start when the tips of the fingers grazed something firm, and warm. Eyes glazed with sleep, her heart leapt when the image of Levi's sleeping face moved in and out of focus _"Lev--!"_

Hand drawn back when the sleep induced illusion lifted {Name} cupped her mouth as she rolled to her back. It was not the man she'd wanted to see laying beside her, but the physical reminder of the ultimate act of betrayal she could commit.

In a bizarre turn of events {Name} not only gave Erwin her body but had given him the space in her bed that belonged to Levi.

With the contents of her stomach curdling {Name} attempted to slip out of bed quietly, the morning chill biting at her skin {Name} found herself to be naked. With another twist in her gut {Name} hurriedly pulled clothes out from the dresser, throwing them on {Name} moved as quietly as her stomach allowed. Mouth sealed tightly {Name} ran to the bathroom, door slamming closed behind she dropped to her knees, fingers shaking they pushed up the toilet seat.

In a mixture of sobbing and heaving {Name}'s fingers pushed the hair falling over her face back, waiting until there was nothing left to bring up she sat back. Pulling at the toilet chain {Name} let the lid fall, the palm of the hand in her hair pushing against the forehead.

It was beyond comprehensible for {Name}. To allow the line between professional and personal slip to such an extent, that she took the man that was technically her boss to bed. In another light, she'd very literally, bedded the enemy, the man who led the very people responsible for the absence of the man she dreamt about nightly, without fail.

Sitting back {Name}'s hands gripped at her raised knees, the fingers biting into the bruised skin they twisted round slowly. Darkened from the lingering stains of the man she'd fought with {Name} stared at them.

There was no excuse, or defence {Name} could make for the night before. In a matter of hours, she'd taken the life of a man, then took another into her bed.

If not for the fact there was nothing left to bring up, {Name} was confident she would have thrown up again. Mouth dry her tongue burned with the lingering acid, forcing her to move for the sink to rinse away the taste.

Gripping tightly at the edges of the sink {Name} watched the water splash and swirl in the bowl, before being dragged away by the drain. It's sound soft, and almost soothing {Name} broke out of her trance to fill the glass resting on the edge. Taking a deep mouthful {Name}'s head tipped back, gargling the water around to take away the taste, it did nothing to remove the guilt that left her feeling weighted and sick.

It wasn't like {Name} held any particular feelings for Erwin; it wasn't even a matter that she was in denial of it either. Whenever Erwin came to mind, the only emotions attached were that of a passionate hatred. Erwin was the cause of her daily pain, the cause of her distress, everything negative that happened, was down to him.

And yet {Name} had practically opened her arms and told him that he meant something. When in truth, she'd willingly see him dead in a heartbeat.

Spitting the water out {Name} set down the glass, fingers pinching at the bridge of her nose a slow breath was taken to calm herself down.

What was done, was done. No manner of begging and pleading could reverse what she'd done. A fact {Name} now needed to live with.

Running soap roughly between the stained hands and fingers, they were scrubbed raw. The skin red and blotchy {Name} let the mixture of red bubbles swirl around the sinks drain, hoping, rather pitifully, that it would carry away the overbearing sense of dread.

{Name} had killed a man. The situation forcing her hand, it was either {Name} or him. Nonetheless, the feeling it left her with, was one she'd probably never forget. {Name} was a nurse, she was meant to preserve and save lives, not take them.

Having witnessed many deaths, {Name} believed herself to be immune, to be able to remain firm and stable when looking upon the recently deceased. That man, however, shook her down to her core.

The man's life bled away, at {Name}'s hand. It was {Name} who drove the knife in his chest, no one else.

Turning off the taps {Name} snatched up a towel, drying them roughly she sat down at the edge of the bath.

This had to end; she was losing sight of herself.

The longer they stayed, the more it came to feel like they were not merely keeping her hostage, but bringing her into their fold. Piece by piece, she was giving her all to them. Looking after them, cooking and cleaning like some housewife, to all of them.

It was not self-preservation that made her hide them in the cellar. It was not {Name}'s desire to live that made her send Farlan and the soldiers on a wild goose chase.

Not even Bertholdt's soft and endearing nature was enough to be as friendly as she was with him. Talking freely, and letting him help around the house.

{Name} was becoming one with them. Serving as a sword and shield. Protecting and fighting for them in her own small ways.

With elbows propped on her knees {Name}'s head fell into the waiting hands.

They needed to go.

Bringing her face out of her hands {Name} glanced at the door, the bed head that peered around the small gap making {Name} bite down on her tongue.

_"Can I?"_ With an arm slipping through Bertholdt pointed at the toilet. A brow cocked {Name} made a sweeping gesture _"Go right ahead."_ Standing from the bath {Name} pushed past Bertholdt, a downturn in his mouth, hand raised as if he wanted to say something, it made {Name} pause.

_"Last night,"_ the pointed finger rising to scratch at his temple Bertholdt shuffled on his feet _"We're sorry. We didn't expect anything like that to happen."_

Attempting to give the almost bow that typically preceded an apology from Bertholdt a hand patted his arm lightly.

_"Don't worry about it,"_ taking the hand away {Name} looked straight ahead _"You needn't apologise for it."_ speaking softly a small half hearted smile turned up the corners of {Name}'s mouth.

Leaving Bertholdt to do what he needed to do in the bathroom {Name} hovered in the hallway. It was still early, most of the men were in their rooms asleep.

The idea of returning to her bedroom close to being thrown out, until it occurred to {Name} that Private Tommy's letter was still unopened. The man had wanted it, desperately enough that he was willing to kill for it.

Its contents still unknown it made {Name} curious to know what need he could have had for it. What information would Tommy of shared with {Name} that was of any use to that man?

Peeking through the door {Name} was somewhat relieved to find Erwin was still sleeping, or at the very least, his back was to her.

Creeping across the room {Name} hopped out of the way of the stained wood, there was not a chance it was ever going to come out.

Foregoing thinking on it anymore {Name} focused on opening the letter finding out its contents. It was a good, if only temporary, distraction for her mind.

Taking a seat on the stool of the vanity desk {Name} kept one eye on the mirror, searching for any hint Erwin was awake in the reflection she slipped a hand under the desk, fingers tapping along until it found the crumpled letter. 

Sliding it out from the two slats of wood that supported the middle of the central drawer {Name} brought it out cautiously.

Fingers lightly tracing the smart, cursive writing {Name} swallowed down the lump forming at the back of her throat.

Tommy wasn't even his real name; it was just what {Name} called him. Never knowing his first name, all she knew was that his last name had been Schmidt. A thin slip of a man, with spectacles. He'd even made the effort to visit {Name} when in the hospital while under temporary leave, promising to write and asking that she remained in contact. 

At the time {Name} was dazed and confused, unsure of whom she was, but it always made her happy when the letters came, the nurses willing to read them for her, though very little was ever understood. They had remained in contact ever since.

With shaking fingers {Name} slipped open the lip of the envelope, one last glance soared to ensure Erwin was not awake she unfolded the letter. It was thinner than usual, only a page and a half long.

 


	18. Chapter 18

_ My dearest {Name}, _

_ Though we are entering troubling times, I hope that you're keeping well. How is Levi? Still the arrogant waif of a man you told me about? _

_ {Name}'s shoulders trembled in a mixture of gentle laughter and tears, eyes continuing to read {Name}'s chest tightened painfully at the final page. _

_ I understand this is asking a lot, and I will be putting you under tremendous stress and in the path of danger, but I must ask. _

Swallowing down the rising bile {Name}'s fingers gripped tightly at the papers edges.

_ Our detachment is under attack from within. I fear that we are betrayed. My son, you remember my mentioning of him? No longer a boy, but a man. Without being too boastful, I am incredibly proud of him. Erwin is in a difficult situation, we are far from home, and I fear that our days are numbered. If this letter reaches you, it means I have passed, but that my son is safe. _

Arms rigid {Name}'s fingers were close to cramping with how tightly she held onto the letter.

_ I ask, and I know that it will be a difficult situation, that you keep him alive and safe. I made Erwin promise not to open this, but I told him all about you. I hope you're not upset by this, but I wanted him to know of the brave little girl, now a flourishing woman, who took the bullet for his father. _

_ {Name}'s chest seized tighter like a hand was closing around her lungs, and restricting each breath she tried to take. _

_ Keep a watchful eye on the men that arrive with Erwin. One of them is to blame for the predicament I am forcing upon you. Please know, that I never wanted for this, and I wish only for your safety. Erwin is under my strict order that no harm is to befall your person. I can now only hope, this ends quickly, and that you may return to the quiet and peaceful life you so deserve. _

_ Private Tommy. _

 

Three small letters punctuated with full stops told {Name} to flip the page. Turning the paper slowly {Name} felt a secondary blow hit her chest, scribbled roughly it was evident Private Tommy needed to rush to get the final two words down. Spread in the centre of the page was the name of the man suspected of being the traitor.

A name {Name} would never have imagined reading.

This was why the man was so desperate to get ahold of the letter. Blazoned across the page was the answer to why they'd come to be at her doorstep, and the reason {Name} was in the situation she was.

Why Tommy did not divulge the information made little sense to {Name}. Surely outing the rat among them would have put an end to their predicament? Unless Tommy was unsure of his conjecture. Or that there was more than one, and the name written was merely one of the men he suspected.

Nonetheless, {Name} could not divulge what she now knew to any of them. It was all good and well to point the finger, but she had no evidence other than a scrawled name. With the man she'd put an end to admitting responsibility for killing Moblit, it was likely they'd come to believe he was the snake.

Keeping back the information would let them continue throwing suspicion among themselves, but it was all {Name} could do.

Searching the contents of the drawer {Name} snatched out a box of matches, the letter rolled and twisted until it resembled a mangled candle {Name} struck the match, the paper tip floating into the flame; it took quickly.

Eaten by the flames {Name} watched the paper become black and ashen, the flames licking greedily down the paper, dark smoke twisted up from the disintegrating letter. Moving to the window when the fire was dangerously close to her fingers {Name} threw it out, watching the ashen paper break away with its decent.

Even though Private Tommy asked {Name} to keep Erwin safe, she wanted to disregard it. To ignore the final wishes of the man whom she'd grown attached to, and thought of in a fatherly way.

It was down to him, and the man {Name} now knew to be his son that {Name} was a widow, it was their fault she was betraying the memory of the man she still loved.

Glancing back to where Erwin was still asleep, or feigning it, {Name} approached the edge of the bed. Laying on the side that was free of injury {Name}'s fingers danced up the blankets, following Erwin's outline until they hovered above his hip.

Extending the index and middle fingers {Name} pushed them down roughly over the stitches that had surprisingly kept even when {Name} had dragged her boot over them repeatedly.

It took {Name} a second to understand what happened. One moment she was stood over Erwin, the next she was pinned beneath him, one arm twisted painfully behind the back {Name}'s free hand gripped at the bedsheets.

Confident that Erwin would break the arm if the pressure he was putting on it kept up {Name} struggled to twist her neck, freeing her mouth and nose a deep inhale was taken.

_"Tommy was your dad,"_ spluttering out the words {Name} was thankful that some of the pressure released, the fingers able to wriggle _"I was always under the impression he was British, but he wasn't."_ Speaking quietly {Name} could just make out Erwin's face through the slither of a gap in her hair.

It was emotionless. Not a hint of a reaction to what {Name} was saying.

Looking away {Name} swallowed with difficulty, each breath strained from the weight on her back _"I think they thought I was French, they kept trying to communicate with me, but I never really understood."_ Attempting to get her arm free {Name} stopped when a knee pressed down harder on her back _"I never heard them speak in German, or at the very least I don't think I did, my memory is hazy at best."_ With a weak laugh {Name}'s eyes scrunched up.

_"It's what you meant, wasn't it?"_ Moving her head to shake back the hair that fell across it {Name} was finally able to look at Erwin properly.

_"You didn't mean that you killed Tommy in exchange for the life of your medic,"_ trying to free her arm, she could feel the tingle bleeding up from the tips of the fingers; her arm was going numb _"You killed Levi in exchange for your dad, right?"_

At the question, Erwin slid off {Name}'s back, her arm dragged back slowly it felt cumbersome and unresponsive. It made {Name} shiver when she could feel the heat in her veins as the blood rushed down into her fingers.

Pulling up on the bed {Name} sat around, legs tucking up against her rear a hand massaged the arm that Erwin had twisted. It would bruise, {Name} could feel it.

With a hand on his hip, Erwin continued in staring blankly, thin dribbles of red creeping down the bare skin it looked as though {Name} had torn the stitching. It was her intention to cause him a degree of pain, even if it meant more work for her _"You knew who Levi was, and what condition he was in when you arrived. You knew there was no possible threat from him."_ Continuing the mixture of interrogation and accusation {Name} let go of her arm.

No longer able to fill her chest with anger, or even hatred for the man stood as bare as the day he was born, {Name} only felt numb.

There was nothing left to feel, already having crashed through every emotion {Name} only felt numb.

_"Your dad told me everything about you. I should have guessed by the name that he wasn't British."_ Laughing at her stupidity {Name} held Erwin her gaze _"Your dad told me how proud he was of you. That you were his crowning glory."_ Head moving back and forth {Name} stilled, a disdainful smile tilting the corner of her mouth _"I want it known I'm not doing this for you, or them."_

Drawing in a deep breath {Name} pushed back across the bed, feet hitting the cold wood {Name} stood slowly _"I'm only doing this for him. As much as I would like to let you all kill yourselves, I can't go against the final wishes of someone I considered a dear friend."_

With one arm crossed over her body {Name} hugged the aching arm to her side, neck angled so that her chin brushed the shoulder.

_"I'm going against my desire to let you all tear each other down, but I'm too soft,"_ a self-deprecating laugh made her eyes close _"That and I've gotten used to you all being here. Maybe it'd be a complete lie to say I hated all of you."_

A soft hum of breath made {Name}'s shoulders sag _"I'm quite fickle really. After last night I was ready to lay the seeds of doubt, and watch you all fall."_

Taking a steadying breath {Name} twisted her feet, making a half turn her gaze slanted to the side as her head tipped back _"Your dad believed..."_

Murmuring the name that was written across the back of the letter {Name} watched Erwin's brows rise with the widening of his eyes.

_"Do you still have the letter?"_ Overlooking the speech {Name} had given Erwin expressed his desire to read the contents of the last letter his father wrote.

_"I burnt it."_ Answering bluntly {Name} turned from Erwin _"It's up to you if you want to trust the woman your father entrusted your safety too."_ Walking stiffly to the door {Name} hesitated before departing, fingers drumming up the back of the wood {Name} gave Erwin a parting glance _"I will need to take out those stitches."_ With nothing left to say {Name} closed the door behind her.

In truth {Name} was exhausted of fighting with herself. The conflicted emotions and thoughts, trying to justify everything, only to tear apart every reasonable defence down with a sound and valid counter argument.

It was no longer a matter of wanting freedom; she'd had the opportunity handed to her. Each time {Name} chased it away. It was no longer a fear of the men that kept her in line; she chastised them when they angered her.

No matter how hard {Name} tried to deny it, she cared about them. Whether it was some mental ailment brought on by the close quarters they were kept in {Name} wasn't sure. All {Name} knew was that it made her chest ache when trying to imagine them no longer being with her.

Moblit's death drove that thought home.

It genuinely upset {Name} knowing that Moblit was gone, no longer floating in and out of the rooms asking if there was anything he could help with, or taking the time to speak with her.

Bertholdt was dopey and sweet. Always trying to help, and checking how {Name} was feeling.

After time Erd even explained why he'd taken so long before softening up around her. The hit {Name} delivered on their very first meeting made him a little wary.

Even when {Name} let it slip in her distressed state that she could understand them when they believed they were having private conversations, they'd not held it against her.

Some even no longer bothered switching back to French to converse with {Name}, except for on the few words that she was still not entirely familiar with.

For as long as {Name} attempted to drown the idea that she felt at home with them, it was impossible to say that she didn't like having them there to some degree.

Though {Name} would never say that it was forgiven that their arrival meant Levi was no longer with her. {Name} found that she thought of him less and less each day. The small things that used to bother her were easier to handle. It was not that he was forgotten, or placed at the wayside in her mind, but that she was finally coming to grips with his departure.

Happy to relive the moments they shared when she slept, {Name} found that each one left her feeling lighter. It almost felt like Levi was trying to say that it was ok, and reminding her that he was still with her in his own way.

Remaining fierce in the regret of taking Erwin into her bed, she stayed firm on holding him in a different regard to the others. Erwin was the central point, the man who gave the orders and they only followed them. If Erwin had not -like he openly admitted- given the order, there may have been a slim chance that Levi would still be with her.

 


	19. Chapter 19

From the kitchen window {Name} could see the two freshly dug graves. The mounds of dirt untouched by the winter snow their appearance was a stark reminder of what occurred within the cottage. Two deaths in quick succession, only a few hours apart, and one was an unnecessary waste of life.

A crash from behind {Name} took in a long, calming breath. Bertholdt was insistent on helping, but all he'd done was knock things over or break them. Still shaken by the night's events {Name} could only wonder about his mental stability.

Running a tea towel between soapy fingers {Name} twisted around from the sink, white segments of varying sizes lay scattered across the tiled floor; Bertholdt stood to stare at them.

_"It's ok,"_ setting the towel down {Name} reached out to pat Bertholdt's arm reassuringly _"Just go and sit down."_ Pinching up the tops of the trousers {Name} crouched, picking the larger pieces up to balance in her open palm.

Above Bertholdt stuttered an apology, his long legs carrying him from the room {Name} sighed quietly. At the very least, it was not one of the most expensive plates that were broken, though the value of things did not mean much to {Name} anymore.

Sweeping up the final sharp dusty pieces {Name}'s gaze flicked up when a cough announced the person's presence, but also cleared their throat.

Erwin.

Hand balancing on top of the broom {Name}'s brow curved in a mixture of disdain and inquisitiveness. For the best part of the day, she'd managed to avoid Erwin. A difficult feat when there were only a few places to be in the cramped cottage. Though a part of {Name} suspected Erwin made certain to keep their paths crossing throughout the first half of the day.

Standing in silence {Name} clucked her tongue when Erwin made no hint behind his appearance, the broom returned to its cupboard {Name} continued to wait for Erwin to speak. Unwilling to be the one to speak first after their one-sided exchange that morning {Name} returned to washing the dishes up.

_"Fraulein?"_ Addressing {Name} quietly Erwin stepped into the room; the door set back in the frame quietly; it was only the fine, close to purposeful clicks of Erwin's boots that filled the room _"The stitches."_

With a hand remaining in the sink {Name} turned again. Under the kitchen light, Erwin looked pale, one arm stretched across to grip at his side, the other held her slowly depleting medical bag.

Of course. The stitches were torn that morning, on top of {Name}'s purposeful aggravation to the laceration above his hip; it was no doubt causing Erwin some discomfort. Not that {Name} even needed to ask, the rigid set of his jaw and rigidity in his stance told {Name} just as much.

_"Swallow your damn pride once in a while."_ throwing down the dishcloth {Name} washed both hands, patting them dry on the tea towel she closed in on Erwin. Taking the bag it was dropped on the table, with care {Name} peeled back Erwin's hand to allow a closer inspection if his hip.

Pushing the shirt up {Name} made Erwin keep hold of it, tongue flicking out she used it to pull back her bottom lip, holding it between the teeth a grimace took over her face.

Thumb tapping at the outer area {Name} watched the surrounding skin and muscle tense. The skin trapped in the stitching swollen and red, it wept a gloopy, off cream colour.

Infection was setting in, and from appearance alone, fast.

Reaching a hand up to Erwin's face, she was forced to push up on the tips of her toes to brush at his forehead. It was hot and clammy.

Retreating {Name} eyed Erwin calmly _"It's infected."_ Giving the simple diagnosis {Name} rocked back on her heels _"I don't have any antibiotics, plenty of painkiller, but no antibiotics."_

Erwin's brow creased, a moment of what looked to be internal deliberation taken he tried to stand straight, the pull on his side making him sag down _"What are my options?"_

With the question, a little too happy a smile spread her mouth _"Cauterisation. It will kill off the infection,"_ fingers rising to silence Erwin before he objected {Name} calmed her expression _"I can dope you up to the eyeballs after it's done. Not before."_ Explaining softly {Name} was a little perplexed by the thought that Erwin was scared of being in pain.

Here was a man who appeared unshakeable, not a single word or action ruffling his feathers, asking for pain relief. It would have been hilarious, if not a little disappointing to see him crippled by something so small.

_"It's not the idea of the pain that bothers me,"_ with a benign smile Erwin looked off to the side _"You just looked a little too happy at the thought of running a hot instrument into my side."_

Scratching the side of her nose {Name} didn't attempt to hide the smile _"Call me a sadist if you must,"_ rolling back the sleeves of the jumper she secured them above the elbow _"But causing you pain will be gratifying."_ Speaking a little more clipped than intended {Name} turned to the bag, unclasping it quickly she retrieved the scissors.

Disappointed that the original thought she held on Erwin's reaction was way off the mark, a small satisfaction taken in now knowing he was somewhat wary of being in her care.

Searching through the drawers for an appropriate instrument to perform the cauterisation {Name} settled on the handle of a tenderiser. It was circular, and just the right thickness for the wound. Setting the handle at the edge of the stove {Name} lit the hob, angling the handle across the flames she left it to heat up.

Resting against one of the counters Erwin tucked his shirt under his arm, watching {Name} set out everything that she needed it occurred to her, that it was a very similar situation that led them to fall into bed. The thought making her fingers curl tightly around the handle of the scalpel; a moment was taken to steady her nerves.

_"Stay still."_ Snapping on the gloves {Name} picked up the scissors, finger and thumb used to stretch the inflamed skin that swelled around the stitches {Name} waited for Erwin to steady his breathing. Snipping through stitching and skin, the thread was pulled out with tweezers, the mixture of blood and pus flowing freely once the skin was reopened.

Eyes narrowed in concentration {Name} wiped away the fluids carefully, before sticking her index finger in and swiping through the opening. It was a grim part of the process, but {Name} couldn't burn the laceration closed with the infection still inside, it would only lead to further and more severe complications.

Ultimately, it could result in septic shock or even blood poisoning. Something that {Name} was not equipped to deal with.

Removing the glove that swiped through the wound {Name} glanced up at Erwin. Surprised to find him still watching {Name}'s brow crooked at the calm gaze he was levelling at her _"How are you feeling?"_ Filling a syringe with water she held it in her mouth before pulling on a clean glove, clean dressing wrapped around index and pointer finger she took the needle out her mouth when Erwin finally responded.

_"That's to be expected,"_ nodding at his mention of feeling somewhat nauseous the tip of the syringe was pressed to the opening.

Pushing down on the syringe the liquid rushed in, the dressing wrapped fingers swiping as gently as was allowed through to clean out any remaining pus, Erwin's hand gripped her shoulder.

Wanting to shrug off Erwin's hold {Name} resisted, if she jarred him, it would likely do the same to her.

Wrapping up a hand in a towel {Name} lifted the tenderiser from the stove, the metal varying from white, orange and red in colour and degree of heat {Name} gazed up at Erwin.

_"This is going to hurt; it would be best if you held onto something."_ Quietly advising him a shake of the head was returned _"I will be alright."_

Begrudging Erwin's close to detrimental pride {Name} held out a wooden spoon "I don't need you biting your tongue." Thrusting the spoon at Erwin, she was relieved that he listened. Biting down on the handle Erwin moved away from the counter to allow {Name} to get slightly behind, the arm previously gripping at the shoulder, she let him drape it down her back.

Counting down quietly from ten {Name} placed the handle in when she reached three.

Forced into using her body to keep Erwin up right, the arm at her back grabbed painfully, the tips of his fingers biting at the skin of {Name}'s back through the clothes. With the free arm forces around to keep Erwin from folding on himself {Name} tried to assure him that it would be only a few seconds more.

Hissing breaths taken from around the spoon handle in Erwin's mouth one eye scrunched against the pain.

Retracting the tenderizer from Erwin's side {Name} threw it across the floor, both arms needed to hold Erwin up she shuffled around until she was stood in front of him. Tucking under Erwin's arm {Name} let him rest against her, the spoon spat out, strained breaths taken.

Pale in the face {Name} was surprised when a weak smile cracked open his mouth _"Thank you."_

Giving a firm pat on his back {Name} shook her head _"You need to lay down."_ Ignoring the gratitude Erwin gave {Name} placed the small bottle of morphine and capped needle in her pocket.

Finding the corridor clear {Name} removed herself from Erwin when they reached the stairs, allowing him to retain his pride and walk up the stairs unassisted {Name} followed behind closely, hands up and ready in case Erwin either lost footing or consciousness.

If not for the matter that {Name} was still unhappy with him, she would have commended Erwin for handling the pain as well as he had.

With an enormous amount of caution, Erwin sat on the edge of the bed, a hand placed on his knee panting breaths broke up the silence.

Tipping the small glass bottle upside down {Name} used her teeth to remove the cap of the needle. Drawing down the plunger until the clear liquid filled to the required line {Name} set the bottle down on the bedside table.

Flicking the syringe {Name} pushed the plunger up a fraction, turning it to make sure no air bubbles remained {Name} looked down at Erwin.

Arm stretched out and ready to receive the needle {Name} tapped two fingers over the taut skin in the crease of his elbow. Veins pronounced against the pale skin {Name} inserted the needlepoint, driving the plunger down slowly _"You're going to feel pretty loopy for the next few hours."_ taking the needle back {Name} dabbed a cotton ball over the pin sized hole the needle made.

The small bead of blood that crept out caught by the cotton ball, Erwin folded up his arm to keep it in place.

Laying back slowly Erwin's back arched slightly to keep the hip from brushing the sheets. It would be a while before {Name} could dress it, so for the time being Erwin would need to lay on the opposite side to remain comfortable.

Replacing the cap on the needle {Name} placed it beside the morphine bottle, before sitting at the edge of the bed, taking care not to bump into him, she closed two fingers around his wrist.

Searching out his pulse {Name} twisted around the watch on her opposite wrist.

_"My father used to talk about you,"_ Erwin's voice cracked when he spoke, though whether through pain or another emotion it was unclear _"When he returned after the first war, he told me about a little French girl who'd managed to fall in their trench."_ Though his eyes had been closed, they opened, searching for {Name}'s she could only manage a blank stare in return.

It was impossible that the morphine had taken this quickly for Erwin to be spouting personal information. They both knew it.

_"He told me how brave that little girl was, being in a dangerous place, and not once did he ever see her cry."_ Erwin's brow dropped with the narrowing of his gaze _"When you continued to to exchange letters, he would update me on how you were doing."_

Taking the fingers away from Erwin's wrist {Name} leant back on the bed, legs crossing she waited for him to continue. Intrigued by the sudden openness in him, it made her listen carefully.

Erwin blinked rapidly, the morphine beginning to take effect, he wriggled his jaw before attempting to speak again.

_"I knew when you were training to become a nurse,"_ a gentle sigh flared Erwin's nose _"The first time I actually saw what you looked like, was in the photo you sent after completing your training. You looked so proud."_ Rolling his head to the side Erwin managed a wobbly smile _"You looked just how I imagined you would."_

Taken back by the comment {Name} made to stand, Erwin's hand catching her wrist it kept her in place.

_"I even knew when you met Levi,"_ Erwin paused, his jaw working, probably to keep the slur from his voice _"When he told me that you had met someone and that you were to be married, I asked him to stop telling me about the letters you sent."_

Head shaking back and forth {Name} took a moment to think about how to respond. It was impossible to tell what Erwin was trying to do or even say. Unable to formulate a question {Name} stayed quiet, waiting and hoping the morphine would work quicker and Erwin would switch to rambling nonsense, or make him fall asleep.

With slow blinks, Erwin's pupils dilated _"I somehow managed to fall in love with a woman I'd never even met,"_ managing to focus his eyes on {Name} the hand holding onto her own slackened. _"Knowing that you were marrying another, gave me a feeling I'd never actually experienced."_

In time Erwin fell silent. Morphine taking its much-needed effect {Name} felt frozen to the edge of the bed. Unable to move {Name} could only stare at Erwin as he slept peacefully. The hope of what Erwin told her being induced by the potent painkiller she'd given him was thrown out by the fact he started talking before it even had time to take effect.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Hair tied back {Name} pushed the sleeves above the elbows, kicking the bucket of scrubbing brushes and cloths across the kitchen floor a brow crooked when the men stared at it.

_"I am not joking,"_ pulling out a broom and mop {Name} threw them at Ian and Bertholdt _"I want this place sparkling from top to bottom."_

In need of something to focus her mind on, and to keep the men from merely being in the way {Name} decided it was time for a full clean of the cottage. With the fair sized building over crowded it was hard to keep on top of a cleaning schedule single-handedly. The men creating the majority of the mess, {Name} decided it was down to them to help deal with it.

Delegating jobs to the men {Name} threw the scrubbing brush that had been at her hip, the men parting it hit its target. Bouncing up off Mike's shoulder and clipping him under the jaw, it brought him to a stop _"Don't think you're getting out of this. You're too tall to creep off."_ Reprimanding his attempt to slip out unnoticed {Name}'s gaze met with Mike's _"You can have the bathroom for that."_ Bearing an innocent, but sly smile {Name} watched Mike drop out of sight before popping back up, the scrubbing brush in hand _"Yes Ma'am."_

Quiet sniggers breaking up the otherwise silent men, they paired off to do their assigned jobs.

With Reiner and Bertholdt on washing duty {Name} left them to collect up the bedsheets from around the house. The dining room having been turned into a makeshift bedroom for the men who didn't fit in the rooms, it was on passing by the room that {Name} decided against taking the washing duty.

The smell of body odour and a few more unsavoury scents had turned {Name}'s stomach. How the men did not complain about it was beyond {Name}, especially given that they bathed regularly.

With the men busy {Name} took the stairs, her job being to clean the bedrooms thoroughly, there was one more job that needed to be done before she started.

After cauterising Erwin's side, and his potential morphine-induced confession {Name} had outright avoided going near him. Using the men under his command as extensions of herself, she'd sent Armin in to bandage Erwin up, Mike was the one she sent up with his meals, and anyone of them was used to check in and see how Erwin was doing.

In total, it had been four days. No matter how long {Name} wished to delay coming face to face with Erwin, it was a hurdle she had to take sooner rather than later.

Nearing the door {Name}'s fingers curled, rapping lightly on the wood a calming breath was taken. If not for needing to check on Erwin's side {Name} would have continued sending others in her stead.

Permission to enter given through the door {Name} paused. Erwin's words repeating over and over in both ears it left {Name} feeling dizzy. What was {Name} meant to say? Was there any point in addressing it? Did Erwin even remember saying it?

Question after question springing up in her confused mind {Name} almost forgot why she'd come to Erwin's door.

The matter of Erwin's supposed confession was not the priority; it was her duty to see to his health.

Or that was what {Name} had to keep telling herself when the door swung open. Met with a shirted chested {Name} swallowed down the nervous gibberish that threatened to spill out her mouth.

Praising the distraction of a soapy brush spinning out the bathroom door {Name} went to walk away to see what Mike was doing, the attempted retreat was halted when a hand caught her wrist.

Dragged back {Name} watched the corridor fade out of sight, to be replaced with the simple wallpaper of the bedroom Erwin currently resided in.

It was an ugly and dated design.

_"You've been avoiding me."_ Retracting the hand that held {Name}'s wrist Erwin stepped around, moving with some difficulty back to the bed.

Arms folding like a stubborn child being called out for their attitude {Name}'s hip jutted out as she threw her head to the side _"Correction. I have been busy."_

Excusing her absence, it was not entirely a lie. Still stuck firm on the concept the men were walking disasters {Name} couldn't even begin to understand how they were all still breathing.

A quiet laugh rumbled in Erwin's throat _"Mike told me,"_ taking what sounded to be a strained breath he rocked back on the bed _"How is Erd?"_

At the question of Erd's wellbeing {Name} sighed dramatically _"He will live, but I think his pride was wounded."_ Arms held wide in a helpless shrug {Name} gave a small laugh.

Having let Farlan out to roam freely in the fields, Erd made a point that horses adored him, even ones with as much attitude as Farlan. Egged on by the other men Erd had approached the neighing steed. Who'd quickly attempted to take a chunk out of Erd's shoulder. Leaving Erd to mope {Name} still held onto the information that Farlan biting, was a sign that he liked the person.

It seemed to be a bonding point for Eren and Erd, who'd both come to blows with Farlan and lost miserably.

With a steely gaze {Name} caught sight of Erwin in the corner of her eye, a slight smile curving his mouth a click of the tongue notified Erwin of her disapproval. Trying to swing {Name} into a casual conversation until they could approach the topic that had {Name} wanting to run out the room, it was close to working.

Though {Name} wanted to continue in the belief that Erwin merely spoke out of an immediate reaction to the morphine, it was not a matter that could be ignored without creating obvious tension between them.

Even now it felt like the two were treading on eggshells around each other, and in truth, {Name} needed to know.

Biting lightly at the tip of the tongue {Name}'s foot tapped at the floorboards, trying to organise her thoughts and words into a single question was proving far harder than {Name} believed it would be.

{Name} wasn't entirely sure if she wanted Erwin to have been spouting nonsense. Or telling the truth.

_"Would it help you sleep if I said that I was lying?"_ Words whispering Erwin pressed up against {Name}'s back. Breath stolen in his silent approach {Name} swallowed down every word, every little sentence she'd prepared to aim at Erwin _"Were you?"_ Words trembling {Name} could feel her heart slow down.

Each beat painful with the extending silence, the passing seconds wrapped {Name} up further in her uncertainty. No matter the answer, {Name} now knew, that she did not want to know Erwin's answer.

Covering both ears {Name} shook her head, she didn't want Erwin to speak; she didn't want to hear. The growing fear that {Name} was hoping for one answer left her conflicted, she didn't want to know that their feelings, were mutual.

{Name} didn't want Erwin to know, that with each letter his father had sent, she'd grown attached to hearing about him. Knowing everything about the boy who'd grown into a man, she'd felt some connection with him. Though Erwin stopped asking about {Name} in time, she'd never stopped asking and reading the answers about him.

It may have been Erwin shedding light on his feelings, but {Name} had grown to love the man described to her in the letters.

That part, {Name} was fine with; she could accept it. What {Name} didn't want, was for that man to be the Erwin stood with her now. The man {Name} had accidentally fallen for was a far cry from the cruel and capricious one she met.

{Name} refused to accept that the hard driven, intelligent and charming man described to her, was the callous one that willingly tormented and misled her. Even with parental blindness to their child's flaws, Private Tommy had painted such a wonderful picture of the manipulative man clinging to her back.

Fingers sliding in the gaps of her own Erwin closed them around {Name}'s hand, the rough fingertips brushing at the palms Erwin bent down, mouth pressing against her ear {Name} felt as though she'd been winded.

_"I fell in love with the woman described to me in the letters,"_ smile creeping over his mouth Erwin released {Name}'s hands _"Not the feeble one I met."_

Keeping {Name}'s hands pinned down when she struggled against the hold Erwin whispered against her ear again _"I fell even harder for the woman who had everything taken from her, but who refused to bow down."_

Softly Erwin spoke, his fingers releasing {Name} _"The woman I love, is the fiery and defiant one you've become."_

Not allowing time for Erwin's words to sink in {Name} whipped round on her heel, arm out and swinging, it cracked across his jaw "You manipulative swine!" Using both hands to push at Erwin's chest it barely staggered him "You're nothing but an evil, vindictive, self-serving bastard!" Dragging in a breath {Name}'s chest puffed up, all the words she wanted to scream and shout trapped in her throat {Name} refused to break down, again.

In the passing weeks {Name} had bared everything to Erwin, with nothing given in return, except the mental and emotional torment he dished out to her. Playing nice, but just as quickly rubbing it in that {Name} was playing right into their hands, it left {Name} lost and not knowing where she stood with him.

Panting slightly from holding her breath {Name} met with Erwin's gaze. The intense colour said nothing of what the man was thinking, what he was feeling. Emotionally withdrawn it left {Name} wondering if any of what Erwin had said was the truth or just another method to twist in the knife he'd been holding in her chest from the moment he arrived.

_"You aim your words like they're weapons,"_ voice dropping to barely a whisper {Name}'s shoulders rolled in a weak shrug; she was tired, tired of battling with Erwin in one form or another.

_ "I don't think you even know what it is to love a person, cause you sure as hell haven't a clue how to show it." _

Putting up both hands {Name} stepped away when Erwin made to move closer, a fixed stare levelled with him the hands lowered slowly.

_"You're a callous and cruel man,"_ keeping to a whisper {Name} bit down on her bottom lip _"And I need to protect myself from that. I can't play these little games like you can, I can't do it."_

Shaking with the strain of remaining in control of the situation, and not buckle under Erwin's gaze, {Name} did not miss the second of weakness he'd displayed to her. Outright rejecting Erwin's confession was not how he'd expected things to go, the ever so slight dip at the corner of his mouth, and the dejected glint that ignited his eyes in a way {Name} had never witnessed told her as much.

Erwin wanted her to fold, to crumble and go into his waiting arms. Every inch of her wanted too, but she wouldn't do it until Erwin proved this was not another of his games.

_"I have no reason to believe you, and I won't,"_ walking around Erwin a second of hesitation came when Erwin's fingers hooked lightly with hers _"I won't believe you until you prove that you mean it."_

Exiting the room {Name} rested back against the sealed door. Relieved in one sense that the matter was discussed, it left {Name} feeling even more confused than before.

Taking slow steps {Name} wasn't able to remain thinking on it for long. Closing in on the bathroom {Name} was forced to jump and twist out of the way of a projectile scrubbing brush.

The cleaning instrument whacking sharply on the small segment of the wall between bedrooms on the opposite side of the corridor, {Name}'s hands came down from their defensive positioning to eye Mike and Ian.

Each armed with a broom and mop the two men made themselves appear busy by sweeping and mopping over the same spots, innocent whistles trying to cover for the fact they were obviously slacking off.

_"You're fooling no one,"_ Clicking her fingers to get the two men from their almost embarrassing act {Name} gave Ian a sharp look _"Go clean the bedrooms."_ Giving Ian a new job, one that would separate the two men goofing off {Name} gave a satisfied hum when Ian slipped out of the bathroom.

_ "So Erwin told you then?" _

From behind Mike spoke up, the broom caught between his boots; he folded his hands over the handle to let his chin rest on top of them.

"That doesn't concern you." Speaking in a cutting tone {Name} made to walk away, it was not a topic that was open for discussion, and certainly not with Mike.

_"Fraulein?"_ Calling for {Name}'s attention Mike's tone was soft, close to endearing _"I've known Erwin for years, he is emotionally stunted, and simply put, a little backwards,"_ With a rough laugh at his words Mike sobered quickly _"But, he has been in love with you for a long time."_

Giving a shake of the head {Name} ignored Mike's attempt to sway her decision. The ball was in Erwin's court; it was down to him how to play his next move and not one influenced by the interference of anyone else. If Erwin wanted {Name} to take his word for truth, he would have to do it on his own.

_"That is good to know."_ Responding bluntly {Name} retrieved the scrubbing brush the men had been using as a form of entertainment _"Just do what I asked, please."_ Rolling the brush in both hands {Name} left Mike to clean the bathroom finally, it looked as though the men needed supervising after all.

 


	21. Chapter 21

With the cottage falling silent, it was broken up with occasional snores and the creak of bed springs.

Taking a seat at the kitchen table {Name} rested an elbow on the aged and chipped wood. A large dark stain on the far edge {Name} stared at it.

Levi had taken his final breath at the front door of his home. Gunned down in the act of spite, and possibly with the recent revelations, an act of jealousy.

Franz was the young man's name. Barely out of being a kid, and forced to face the cruelty of war, he'd died on the very table {Name} sat at.

Moblit Burner's throat was slit in the cellar, beneath the dining room. No explanation was given for the cruel act.

Fingers massaging the temples {Name} strained to remember the name of the man she'd driven the very same knife used on Moblit, into.

Flexing one hand {Name} sighed, the fingers curling around the glass of wine she poured it was emptied in one long sip. Reaching for the bottle before the glass managed to touch down on the table the fingers grabbed at air.

Eyes springing open {Name} leant back in the chair, the bottle hovering above her head, it was swung down.

The blow landing before {Name} could react, pain seared across the top of her head. Falling from the chair with the hit {Name} tried to coordinate her body, mind in a daze she found it impossible to focus.

The floor swimming in and out of focus, something warm dripped down her forehead.

Head feeling weighted on her neck; it required more effort than normal to bring it up, fingers reaching for the steady stream of hot liquid pouring down her forehead they failed to reach it.

A boot pushing down on the hand {Name} tried to pull it back before it became trapped, the movement slow and jarring the haze that fell over her mind sent the signals out to her body in a confused mixture.

Picking out a course whisper through the ringing in her ears {Name} couldn't be sure if the voice was one that she knew. Though it seemed they were no longer focused on her, allowing some time for {Name} to drag her body up.

Using both arms {Name} attempted to stand, with slow and sluggish movements she managed to get onto her knees, the flats of her hands pushing down on the floor to keep them from wobbling under her weight.

One eye almost blinded by the stream of what {Name} guessed was blood, the other was fighting to break the filmy layer that coated it.

Blinking rapidly {Name} dug her fingers into the dips between the kitchen tiles, using them to inch her body forward a crashing sound from behind made {Name} stop.

The quiet tinkering of glass, and the deeply inhaled breath from behind {Name}'s back it gave way to a pair of rough whispers, and a familiar clicking sound.

A gun was being prepared.

Like the sound was a cue {Name} sent her body into a roll, diving under the table at the exact moment a bullet pinged off the kitchen tiles. Though it did not stop it dead, it sent its trajectory up, lodging into the far wall.

_"Don't move!"_ Order barked out {Name} was not sure if it was directed at her or not. The voice of the man recognisable {Name} laid still under the table, the rapid movement doing no favours for her already dazed state the small opportunity to lay still was welcomed, though the heaviness of both eyes was not a good sign.

_"Don't shoot idiot!"_ A hissing order returned the speaker was not one {Name} knew.

There was some kind of hesitation, leaning more over into confusion. The kitchen lit only by the moonlight spilling in through the window {Name} used the temporary calm to wipe away the thick liquid coating her left eye.

_"Can we get some damn light in here?"_ A rough voice cut above the growing silence, a thumping smack given to the wall, light spilt into the room.

_"Kenny?!"_ Bertholdt's surprised voice rung out loudly, nervous tones withheld {Name}'s neck rolled to the side, through the collection of chair legs she made out two sets of boots and someone's knees.

_"So the idiot does know which end of the gun is for what,"_ the man addressed as Kenny sounded genuinely surprised _"Shame you ended up shooting one of your own. I had some hope for you there kid."_ Surprise slipping away to a sarcastic mocking the man gave a stressed sigh.

One set of boots moving {Name} watched the butt of a gun drop to the tiles, the weapon resting against the counter before the man on his knees was pulled up "It's not too bad, it merely grazed." Another voice piped up, a groan sounding {Name} could only assume it was the man who Bertholdt shot at.

Falling quiet {Name} could sense Bertholdt's nervousness, the shuffling of his boots being a dead giveaway from the angle she was gifted. Choosing to remain hidden beneath the table {Name} found it easier to keep her eyes open, the curiosity getting the better of the potential concussion, she laid still.

From the floor above movement replaced the soft breathing and snores, heavy steps carrying everyone with a delayed urgency {Name} couldn't help but mentally chastise them. They were in no position to sleep calmly and not have someone on watch; they were still at risk of being found.

In time more boots and some socked feet filled up the gap in the door, bustling each other {Name} sensed all of them were too shocked to speak, it was telling in their gasping breaths and one shocked yell that {Name} was sure belonged to Armin.

Someone needed to take the lead, and explain who the new arrivals were, and explain how they'd come to be at {Name}'s door.

One of them also being responsible for bottling {Name}. Keeping that in mind {Name} stayed quiet, unsure whether the newly arrived group were in some hostility to those who were already in the cottage she did not wish to get caught up in anything.

_"We thought you guys were dead,"_ Erwin spoke for the group, not bothering to hide the surprise, or for that matter suspicion, a haughty laugh sounded from one of the arrivals.

_"You left us for dead you mean,"_ It was not Kenny who spoke, but the man who'd mentioned that Bertholdt's shot only skimmed the man who'd been on his knees.

Tension made the atmosphere heavy, the reply making the men agitated on both sides.

_"Nile , you were shot. We didn't have time to hang around and find out if you were still breathing,"_ Mike answered the accusation calmly, though he sounded to be further back in the corridor.

At the mention of the second man's name {Name} frowned, she recognised it, but couldn't recall why. The sharp pulsing in her hairline consuming any logical thought, she let the thought slip.

_"As much as I would love for us to have a sweet little reunion,"_ panting Nile  spoke tersely _"I would like to tell you, that this really hurts."_

With the wounded man interjecting and breaking down the tension {Name} released the breath she'd been holding.

Attention given to the man a hum of whispers spread through the group {Name} was accustomed too.

_"Nile, you're the medic,"_ Eren offered in his thoughts, speaking as though what he said should have been obvious to the man, a snort was returned.

_"A medic without supplies. I was lucky to have enough for me to fix myself up."_ Answering back with a thick layering of attitude the man followed it up with a sigh.

Another bustle of voices, and lingering hesitation {Name} waited. There was not a chance {Name} was going to give away her hiding spot, especially when the men appeared to be reluctant on mentioning her.

_"We have someone who can help,"_ Erwin finally offered {Name} up to assist, though it came with delay _"Just wait a second. Reiner."_

Clearly, none of them knew that {Name} was under the table, and she was in no rush to mention it. Not when the person that was going to be needing and using her supplies, was one of the men responsible for giving her the pounding headache she was now suffering with.

_"Sir,"_ Reiner spoke up quietly, having returned quickly _"Not in their room."_

Again the lack of mentioning {Name}'s gender kept her still, why were they all skirting the subject. It was not something {Name} would be able to hide when she came out from under the table, and she doubted they were going to pack their three returned comrades off.

Ignoring the questions being thrown around as to {Name}'s whereabouts, she zeroed in on the man who'd been addressed as Kenny when he spoke.

_"Are you looking for the person who was in here when we arrived?"_ Questioning the group they all fell quiet when Kenny thumped the top of the table _"Come out."_

So Kenny had noticed where {Name} was hiding. Being called out {Name} rolled slowly to her side, head still pounding she moved without rushing. Standing up too fast would likely make her pass out after the blow to her skull, and she wasn't exactly in a hurry to help.

Staggering to her feet {Name} held on to the sink when the room attempted to spin.

_ "Fraulein?" _

A single hand raised to signal she needed a moment {Name} waited for the room to fall back in place in her vision before turning. One hand wiping at the congealed blood on her forehead, the other hand reached behind and across the draining board.

All eyes were turning from {Name} to the profusely sweating Bertholdt they looked ready to lynch the poor man. Wrongly assuming the cut on {Name}'s head was from Bertholdt's off mark shot a hand slapped down on the metal of the draining board to bring their attention back to her.

_"Wasn't him,"_ Finger waving to the two new men watching {Name}, a moment was needed to fight back the urge to throw up _"One of them."_ Words kept short and sweet {Name} did not trust herself to speak too much, the churning in her gut tensing the muscles of her abdomen like they were preparing to push up the contents of her stomach.

The concussion was no longer a possibility, but a certainty.

The aged man stood at the corner of the table gave a leering smile, the wine bottle in hand raised he swung it between his thumb and index _"To think it was a woman I hit,_  Laughing at the prospect, he set the bottle down.

_"Apologies Ma Cherie."_ The words far from sincere he furthered the insult to real injury by tipping the wide brimmed hat he wore in {Name}'s direction, a coy smile crossing his thin lips.

_"Insolent wretch!"_ Muttering under breath {Name} turned away from the man who appeared keen to keep her in sight.

Legs weak {Name} pulled out a chair, close to falling onto it; a hand gripped the table to aid her descent.

_"My stuff is in my room,"_ hand waving lazily {Name} placed both arms of the table, head dropping gingerly to rest in the palms of her hand {Name} took a few calming breaths _"You apparently know what you're doing."_ Tempted to close her eyes, the drowsiness came back stronger than when she was laying down.

_ "You shouldn't fall asleep." _

Angling up the fingers that cupped over the eyes {Name} shot a cold stare at the man who'd spoken, his dark hair styled in an odd undercut, it was accompanied by a funny moustache and goatee, similar to that of Mike's. Dropping a hand to rest on the table {Name} managed to crook a brow _"Thanks, Doc, but I'm well aware of that."_ Mustering as much sarcasm as possible {Name} sat back in the chair, fingers gripping the edge of the table _"I can see why you got shot."_ Adding in the tidbit quietly, the men caught it. Snorts and stifled sniggers circling the room the man {Name} spoke of gave them a sharp look in return.

 


	22. Chapter 22

With Bertholdt keeping {Name} steady on her feet, a finger poked at the bullet sized split in Nile's shoulder. It was not deep, but wide and requiring stitches.

Hand dropping over the bare-chested man sat in front of {Name}, she took the needle he'd threaded up for her.

One eye closed {Name} pulled the skin together, Nile groaning deep in his throat at the contact a hand gripped at her hip when she swayed _"Are you sure you can do this,"_ It wasn't a question, but more observation of {Name}'s state.

{Name} wasn't exactly, with it.

_"I'm going to stitch your mouth up if you don't shut up."_ Warning the man not to continue to patronise and question her capacity to perform a simple stitch {Name} waved the needle at the man's mouth.

Sitting back Nile's head turned away from the needles point. Satisfied that he was not going to speak again for some time {Name} pushed the needle through at the beginning of the slit, the hand at her hip pinching again when the needle pushed through the other side.

_"Feisty one isn't she?"_ With legs crossed at the ankle Kenny stretched them out on the kitchen table, the bottle he'd hit her with brought to his lips a smile spread when {Name} threw a glare in his direction.

_"She gave Smith a cracking ball shot,"_  Reiner piped up from where he was resting against the stove. Head dropping when Erwin shot him a look, the men withheld their laughs to replace them with sly smiles to avoid being reprimanded, again.

Pointing the neck of the bottle at Erwin a grin split Kenny's mouth _"Our great commander taken down by a wench?"_

As though the comment bristled the men, glances were given to Erwin and Kenny. Though all eyes fell to the usually quiet blonde when the book he'd been reading was slammed shut _"She stabbed one of ours in the heart."_ Armin spoke of the event calmly; the book slid off the table to tuck under an arm he stood up _"I will take watch."_

With the uneasy quiet, Armin's comment created Eren followed after his short friend.

Feeling a set of eyes staring {Name} met the dark pair examining her. Nile's gaze did not display hostility or even shock, but a curiousness _"Did you?"_ Questioning {Name} about the topic Armin brought up Nile's hand fell from her hip.

Eyes downcast {Name} hummed agreement, the noise bringing forth a sharp whistle from Kenny.

It was not going to be open for discussion, especially not when {Name}'s head was feeling fuzzy and jumbled.

Throwing all the energy into hurrying through the stitches {Name} avoided meeting anyone's gaze. It was never discussed, the man she'd driven the knife into. Feeling like it was pushed in the cupboard to become another skeleton, {Name} preferred for it to remain there.

Creating a loop in the thread {Name} knotted the end of the stitches tightly, pulling the thread taut Nile used the scissors to make the cut. The excess thread taken out the needle {Name} tapped at Bertholdt, thanking him for keeping her upright the needle and thread were set on the table when {Name} returned to sitting.

Pushing at the split in the skin at her hairline {Name} sucked a long breath between her teeth. It wasn't deep, but it sure as hell hurt.

Fingers sticky with the congealed blood {Name} wiped them on the front of her shirt, it was stained already, so another was not going make a difference to the blue and white checked fabric. Blood was difficult to remove from clothing so it would need to be binned _"I need to clean up."_ Talking more to herself than the others in the room it required more effort than usual to get out the chair.

Kenny held nothing back when he'd swung the bottle at her, body feeling heavy and lethargic each movement took more conscious thought than normal.

Head down {Name} was almost out the door when Kenny decided to pipe up. Eyes meeting Kenny's she watched him tap a thumb against his bare ring finger _"I'm sure your husband would love to know you're putting up the men he's out fighting against,"_ Notes rumbling cold Kenny took a swig out of the wine bottle, setting it down with a dull thunk {Name} looked down at her left hand, the engagement and wedding band still on the finger they'd been placed upon eight long years before.

Thumb pushing the wedding ring around the finger {Name} gave a dry laugh _"He's buried in the garden,"_ thumb jabbing to the back door {Name} gave a shrug _"We could easily make it a family crypt...Ackerman."_   With a curve forming in her brow {Name} tipped her head when Kenny gave a broad smile.

With the unexpected knock to her head, it had taken some time to connect his name and face with the man she'd met some years previous. Time had not been kind to the man; he'd aged considerably since their first, and what {Name} had hoped would be their last meeting.

_"So Levi croaked it before the war even really begun? Such a shame."_ Pulling the hat from his head, Kenny used the other hand to comb back his hair _"Can't see the little one running around. Where is it?"_ Replacing the hat Kenny pushed back in the kitchen chair, the twisted grin tugging up the corners of his thin lips it only grew wider when {Name} was gripped at the waist by Erd, stopping her from advancing on Kenny.

Dragging long legs off the kitchen table, Kenny laughed heartily _"I see, I see."_ With a shrug, he held his arms wide _"Probably for the best, hm?"_ Continuing to drive in the verbal knife to {Name}'s chest Kenny stood from the chair, fingers extending, they never reached {Name}.

One second Kenny was stood in front of {Name}, the next, he was falling. Dropping onto the knees Kenny keeled to the side, sprawled on the kitchen floor.

The echo of the gun made everyone in the room flinch. All except for the man who'd drawn the weapon on his comrade. Arm held straight and showed no hesitation Erwin had not even looked at Kenny when he took the shot.

Bringing the arm down Erwin pushed the gun back into the holster at Mike's hip.

_"Braun, Hoover."_ Addressing Reiner and Bertholdt the two men stiffly came to attention, eyes wary as they met with Erwin's poker-faced stare _"Take him out."_

Giving one another a quick glance Reiner and Bertholdt moved to Kenny's slumped over body. Reiner gripping under the arms, Bertholdt fumbled to get a grip on Kenny's legs, tripping over his own feet when the two carried Kenny to the back door.

No one moved, or uttered a word. Everyone unsure as to what happened, or for that matter why it had, they watched Erwin correct his posture. Even Mike looked to give Erwin a wide berth when he stepped away, a hand covering the pistol Erwin had taken from him, Mike's fingers dangled on the handle.

Making to exit the kitchen Erwin paused by {Name}, the arm Erd held at her waist gripped tightly when Erwin leant down to her. Lips brushing at the top of one ear {Name}'s breath caught in her throat.

_"Is that the proof you wanted,"_ Erwin's voice was barely a whisper, the heat of his breath was almost the only indication that he'd spoken at all.

Drawing back against Erd the hand gripping his forearm squeezed at the sleeve, there was nothing {Name} could reply to Erwin, and so, she remained silent.

Stepping back Erwin straightened up, facing the men who were looking at each other for some explanation for what had just unfolded. Erwin, their commanding officer, had just murdered a man in cold blood. A point blank shot taken without hesitation.

_"Ackerman was a loose canon. I could not risk a repeat of Moblit,"_ Giving a simple, and an almost plausible reason behind his actions Erwin watched each of the men give slow and uncertain nods. The room was divided.

With nothing else to say Erwin slipped quietly out of the room.

 


	23. Chapter 23

Sitting on the top step {Name} drummed her fingers on the lip of the stair, feet tapping in an uncomfortable jig as her bladder cried out for relief. 

Waiting for the bathroom had never been an issue before, but with twenty men occupying the cottage, it was a problem. Unlike the men who could run outside to relieve their bladders, {Name} was stuck waiting for the bathroom to free up.

{Name} could only hope the lengthy wait was due to the person taking a bath.

Running a hand over the back of her neck, the elbow balanced on a knee, the other hand draped over when she squeezed her legs together. The discomfort was one she'd not experienced for a long time, not since she'd been expecting to be precise.

Fluttering to a close {Name}'s eyes flicked around behind the lids, the memory of that time vague in her attempt to keep it from surfacing, it crept forward with the agitated jig her legs were forced to make. Hips swaying, just like they had when {Name} was deep into the pregnancy, and the baby kicked without restraint on her bladder.

_"Levi,"_ pausing in rolling her hips {Name} ran the palms of her hands in a circle over the sides of her swollen belly _"There's someone in the garden."_ Looking away from the window, and from the man strolling up the garden path Levi stood up from the armchair.

Coming to {Name}'s side, Levi tensed.

With a frown {Name} was ready to question the oddity, but the sharp knock on the front door silenced the words. Gazing expectantly at Levi, a hand fell over his arm when he continued to stare out the window, mercurial eyes narrowed close to slits, a click of his tongue sounded _"Stay here."_ Ordering for {Name} to stay put, Levi walked in a jittery, almost nervous fashion to the living room door.

Confused {Name} took a step back from the window, the hands once circling, moving to cup the underside. The fingers gently drumming on the taut skin in a hope to appease their fidgeting baby.

Taking a firm hold on the handle of the door Levi gave {Name} a warning look _"Don't come out. No matter what you hear."_ Tersely Levi delivered the words, a strained smile given at {Name}'s worrisome expression _"It'll be ok. Just stay here."_ A little softer than the first time, Levi tried to assure {Name} before closing the living room door.

Perplexed by Levi's demeanour {Name} crept closer to the window, peeking from behind the net curtain for a better look at their unannounced guest. From the angle {Name} could tell the man was tall, and slim in build, dark hair spilling out from beneath a hat.

Stepping away from the window when Levi and the man begun conversing it became apparent that it was not a pleasant exchange. Though neither man raised their voice, harsh words were exchanged.

Uncomfortable {Name} backed up further from the door, a sharp thud, like something heavy hitting wood coming from the corridor {Name}'s arms instinctively wrapped around her swollen stomach. Sensing the agitation within {Name}, the baby kicked out, a firm shot taken at a kidney in the same instance the living room door burst open.

Nursing the sore area of her back, {Name} retreated when Levi fell through, the taller man catching himself before joining Levi on the floor.

Alarmed {Name} made to call out to Levi, but halted when the man standing over her husband flicked attention to {Name}.

_"Well, haven't you been a busy boy?"_ With a snide tone, and smile to match, the man tipped off his hat with a bow _"The names Kenny, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance,"_ replacing the hat Kenny drove a foot into Levi's side when he made to stand _"Ma Cheri."_ Purring the last two words it made {Name} recoil.

Attempting to move out from under Kenny, a quick backwards scramble, and kick to the shin allowed Levi to get on his feet. One arm wrapped to hold the side which Kenny kicked Levi moved to cover {Name} _"What do you want?"_ Notes strained from covering the pain his side was causing Levi sucked in a breath as he righted himself.

Whistling quietly Kenny's arms opened wide at his side, a slow and purposeful step carrying him into the room _"Do I need a reason to visit my nephew?"_ Words taunting Kenny's smiled widened when Levi returned a disgusted click of his tongue.

Unsure of the situation {Name} edged each foot back a fraction of an inch, for every step Kenny took forward. Having never mentioned an uncle {Name} could understand why Levi scarcely mentioned his family, at best all {Name} knew was that the cottage they lived in, Levi was born in.

The hand on Levi's rib falling away rapidly when Kenny sunk a hand to a pocket of the long coat he wore {Name} startled when Levi's back bumped lightly against her protruding stomach.  An exasperated breath sounding when their unborn child hit out at Levi for the unwelcome nudge, {Name}'s fingers closed around the back of Levi's shirt.

Not slowing in the advance Kenny brought the hand out from the pocket, a flash of metal {Name} felt her throat constrict. Tossing the knife one hand to the other a cruel smile twisted up the man's thin lips _"You really didn't think I was going to forgive and forget what you done Levi?"_ Eyes closing Kenny made slow tutting sounds with his tongue _"Ratting your own flesh and blood out like that?"_ Stopping a few mere paces from Levi and {Name} a toothy grin split open Kenny's mouth.

Pushing back against {Name} and trying to subtly angle her towards the sofa Levi tensed _"I have no idea what you're on about."_ Blunt as always, a tremor coursed through Levi's words, his arm held wide, he used the elbow of the other to push {Name} to the side, wanting her to take cover behind the sofa.

Heeding Levi's silent order {Name} attempted to step in the direction he wanted her to go. A sharp pain pulsing from one side of her stomach to the other keeping her firm in place both hands gripped either side of the bump as {Name} cried out in pain. Feeling as though something snapped, hot water rushed down her thighs when another twinge of pain zigzagged over her groin.

_"{Name}!"_ Calling out Levi took his eyes from Kenny.

Using the distraction Kenny took a firm hold on the handle of the blade, lunging forward Levi scrambled to block the incoming knife point.

A sharp and searing pain spread on {Name}'s side, it was not an internal pain, but pushing through from the outside.

Frantic movements from inside {Name} erupted all at once, the two men oblivious as they struggled with each other {Name} stared down at her side "Levi." Weak and whispering, it was drowned by the fierce and angered shouts of the two men locked in a battle for the knife.

Gripping tightly at Kenny's wrist Levi twisted it sharply, pulling his uncle forward his knee drove up into Kenny's gut. Coughing and hacking Kenny relinquished the knife, an arm wrapping at his stomach he staggered back from Levi.

A finger extending to point at Levi's side where the shirt was painted red Kenny snickered in a rasping breath.

Hands trembling {Name} could only stare at the dark liquid spilling across her stomach, the movements from inside once energetic, slowing and becoming sluggish.

_"Levi!"_ Screaming at his back {Name}'s hands scrambled to the source of the pain, trying to stem the blood flow her vision blurred at the edges.

Wide eyed and staring Levi looked from his bloodied side, to {Name}. Realisation dawning slowly Levi's mouth moved in a repetitive stuttering denial, hands shaking they closed over the opening in {Name}'s stomach _"Its going to be ok. It's going to be ok."_ Muttering Levi knocked his forehead against {Name}'s when her hands frantically took a hold on the front of his shirt.

A gentle tap on the shoulder jerked {Name} away from the memory, eyes springing open she remained fixed in place, staring down at her feet.

_"You've been crying?"_ Erwin's curious tone forced {Name} to raise her head, fingers feeling at the wet patches beneath the eyes the droplets glistened on the tips of her fingers under the soft light spilling from the corridor behind.

A click notifying {Name} that the bathroom was finally free she recoiled from Erwin's outstretched hand. Knocking it away {Name} jumped to her feet, backing up across the small stretch of landing her shoulder clipped Eren's as he departed the room that {Name} desperately needed, though for a much different reason than before.

The annoyed shout Eren made barely reaching {Name}'s ears, a hand reached behind to slam the door closed on him. Dropping to her knees {Name} clawed the edge of the toilet when her stomach convulsed violently.

Caught in a mixture of sobbing and heaving {Name}'s arms curled up and over to hold her head, fingers twisting in her hair.

Bringing her body under control {Name} sat back on her knees, tears flowing steadily as she searched out the ridge of skin on the side of her stomach.

It was another painful visual reminder of what she'd lost that day, ever present and unmoving.

Using the heels of her hands to wipe at her eyes, her teeth clenched to reduce the cries, to shuddering wet breaths.

It served no purpose to revisit the memory, no matter how long she'd hoped and prayed to wake from the nightmare that moment had been, it never happened.

Arms closing tightly around {Name} from behind, the sharp point of Erwin's chin rested on top of her head _"I'm here."_

 


	24. Chapter 24

Taking the framed photo off the vanity desk {Name} ran her fingers over the two smiling faces. Bright and happy, with their lives only just beginning, there was nothing to indicate they would barely scrape a decade together.

Returning the photo to the desk {Name} gripped the top edge, letting it fall glass side down the cracking sound felt like it echoed around the bedroom.

{Name} was happy and sure of herself back then. Now, she felt lost. Blind even. Stumbling forward without direction or purpose, merely hoping to make it to another day unscathed.

Outside the window a flurry of white blocked out the moonlight, painting the land white, purifying and cleansing the ill fate that had befallen the cottage.

Somewhere a clock chimed. Announcing the time with each haunting ring, {Name} counted them silently. It stopped at twelve, announcing the arrival of a new day, Christmas Day.

From downstairs the sounds of movement had been going on since the early evening. Not that {Name} cared all that much. Having stayed in her bedroom since Kenny was shot five days before, she only ventured out to use the bathroom, and occasionally swipe something to eat from the kitchen when the house fell into silence.

Closing two fingers around the wedding and engagement ring {Name} slid them off, the two smooth bands dropped down on the vanity table her now free hand flexed. It felt empty, the paler and slightly indented skin where the rings once sat sensing the cold once their protection was removed.

It served {Name} no purpose to keep them on her finger. Their symbolic appearance of {Name} being a wife, no longer held meaning.

Taking out the plait in her hair {Name} finally ran a brush through it. Combing out the length {Name} let it fall in soft waves down her back, fingers teasing down the fringe to cover the scabbing in her hairline. Kenny would certainly leave another mark to remind {Name} of their second and final meeting.

A gentle knock on the bedroom door made {Name} pause in attempting to get her fringe to sit properly. The unruly curls having a mind of their own, they flicked the hair back and out, leaving the healing skin for all to see.

A second, louder knock made {Name} turn on the stool. Fingers curling under the cushion they latched to the wooden rim of the seat, eyes narrowing at the door {Name} contemplated pretending to be asleep. It was what she'd done for the past five days, one more couldn't hurt.

_ "Fraulein?" _

It was Bertholdt who called for {Name}'s attention. Soft and a little eager, the squeak of his boots on the wood made {Name} smile. The man was a nervous wreck, but harmless. A sweet and simple-minded fool.

With time {Name} stood from the stool, the key twisted round the door opened a crack, her body filling the gap _"What is it Bertholdt?"_ Fingers still holding the handle {Name} was ready to lock herself back in the room when Bertholdt stumbled for his words.

_"Come downstairs?"_ A large hand held out Bertholdt gave {Name} an imploring look that was hard to refuse. Caught up in some kind of excitement, he really was like a child on Christmas Day.

Biting on her lip {Name} eventually stepped out. The corridor felt much cooler than her room, making her arms cross at her chest, a bemused glance given when Bertholdt hurried to the staircase, hand out and beckoning {Name} to follow him.

Holding onto the bannister {Name} stopped halfway down when a faint glimmer caught the corner of her eye. Turning in the light's direction {Name} blinked a few times to make certain she did not imagine it.

Coming to stand in the living room doorway {Name} stared around it.

Paper chains and tinsel were hung from one corner of the room to the other. Baubles tacked to the mantelpiece of the fireplace {Name} found the angel that would have sat atop a fir tree taking centre stage of the coffee table.

Lined up behind the sofa, with nervous but expecting faces Reiner, Armin, Eren and Mike stood. Their uniforms littered with small tassels of tinsel and Eren and Armin bearing snippets of paper from the chains; it made {Name} smile.

The room looked awful and tacky, but in the same instance, it was wonderful and heartfelt. The men clearly having no clue as to how to decorate, they'd made a sincere effort into brightening up the room.

From behind Bertholdt shuffled over to join the others, the mistletoe Reiner was twirling in his fingers slapped out by Armin with a reprimanding stare; she caught Reiner's faint _"Worth a try."_

{Name} wanted to tell them the room looked atrocious, but with their faces open and expressing the hard time and effort they put in, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

_"Thank you."_ Hiding the smile behind a hand {Name} stepped further into the room, turning in a slow circle to fully appreciate the mess they'd made of her living room "It looks beautiful." The more time spent looking at it, the more appealing it became.

All at once the men released their held breaths, shoulders sagging one after the other, Mike blew a breath that pushed the hair out of his eyes. A glimmer of gold tinsel adorning Mike's hair {Name} couldn't help the gentle laugh, a finger pointing to Mike before motioning back to her own head his brows rose a fraction, before he took the hint.

Leaving Mike and Reiner to remove the tinsel {Name} moved to the fireplace, fingers running smoothly over the baubles they swung side gently to side.

_"We thought it might cheer you up,"_ With some hesitance, Armin spoke up, a finger scratching lightly at his cheek he looked away bashfully when {Name} smiled at him _"It was all we could manage, given our situation."_

Coming to stand beside Armin a smile still adorning {Name}'s mouth, she placed a gentle peck on the top of Armin's head.

The small man flushing a violent shade of red {Name} laughed when a stuttered _"Danke."_ left the small man's mouth. From the sofa, Reiner was once more slapped, though by Bertholdt, for trying to pick the mistletoe back up.

Though it was small, the gesture was appreciated. It was not something they had to do; there was no obligation for them to appease {Name}'s sour mood. They'd done it purely because they wanted too.

Knitting together her fingers {Name} gave a single nod, the fingers wiggling thoughtfully they eventually slipped apart. Turning to the five who'd spent quite some time decorating, {Name} tapped a finger on her lips thoughtfully _"You should get some sleep, you must be tired."_

With gentle encouragement and an on cue yawn from Eren, the men filtered from the room one by one. Reiner once more trying luck with the mistletoe {Name} gave a quickly whispered warning that made Reiner go pale, and leave without another word.

Left alone {Name} turned to appreciate the room once again, it helped lift the weight in her chest. Though it would be nothing grand, {Name} had her own means of thanking the men in mind. It was probably strange, but they were all {Name} had for the time being, and to some extent, they had been good to her. Keeping that in mind {Name} moved to the kitchen, the sleeves of her shirt rolled up {Name} closed the door.

 


	25. Chapter 25

Dipping a finger in the cake mix {Name} brought it to her tongue. It was perfect. Not too sweet, but not bland. Wiping both hands on the tea towel pushed into the waistband of her trousers {Name} picked up the mixing bowl, tipping the mixture into the waiting cake tin. Picking up the spatula {Name} scraped the excess out, before setting the bowl and spatula aside.

Cake tin in hand {Name} opened the oven door, placing it on the middle shelf a quick check on the small pastries that were still cooking brought forward a satisfied hum.

Everything was going smoothly, the already prepared cakes and bread cooling further down the kitchen side {Name} only had to clean down and wait for the rest to be finished.

Having exhausted the baking supplies {Name} didn't mind. Putting them to use was better than letting them go to waste.

Quietly picking up the bowls, spoons and other materials {Name} walked them to the kitchen sink, the taps running to remove the chill in the pipes {Name} ran her hands under the slowly warming water.

Picking out the spoon from the cake mix bowl it was halfway to her mouth when {Name} turned. Pausing in eating the mixture from the spoon {Name} waited quietly as Erwin inspected the baked goods cooling on the side.

With Erwin's back to {Name} the spoon dropped into her waiting mouth.

_"I thought I could smell something,"_ Turning to face {Name} a thick brow lifted when Erwin caught sight of her _"What are you--? Should you be eating that?"_ Apparently perplexed, and possibly still half asleep Erwin frowned at {Name}.

With the spoon out of her mouth {Name} ran a finger along its smooth edge to collect the remaining mixture _"You've never eaten cake mix?"_ A brow of her own arching when Erwin's head shook slowly {Name} must have given him a strange look, a dip in the corner of his mouth displaying some kind of displeasure.

With a roll of the eyes {Name} offered out the spoon _"Try it."_ A nod of the head to encourage Erwin the spoon bobbed up and down on her fingers.

With a significant amount of hesitance, Erwin looked at the spoon, then up at {Name}. It appeared that in the passing seconds Erwin woke up fully, the slight glassy eyed stare changing to his more accustomed blank one, his body straightened up.

Ignoring the spoon out on offer Erwin stepped into {Name}'s personal space. Dipping until their faces were level {Name} startled when Erwin used a thumb to run down the corner of her mouth. Bringing it back to his mouth with a small droplet of the cake mixture he sucked it from the tip.

Wide-eyed {Name} could feel heat creeping across her cheeks when Erwin gave a sincere, but coy smile _"It's sweet."_

In an instant, Erwin removed the thumb from his mouth {Name} tipped forward.

Erwin confusing {Name}'s movement for something a little more seductive was met with surprise when her forehead cracked against the bridge of his nose.

Flustered by Erwin's wiping at the corner of her mouth {Name} had attempted to move out of his vicinity. The ending result was Erwin pinching at the bridge of his nose, eyes watering from the contact as {Name} rubbed at the tender spot on her forehead.

Spoon still in hand {Name} slapped it against the side of Erwin's face when he shot her a bemused look _"That was your fault,"_ Taking back the spoon {Name} tossed it in the sink behind, a smear of cake mixture left on Erwin's cheek he tugged the tea towel at {Name}'s waistband, pulling her forward one arm wrapped around her back.

Keeping {Name} close Erwin used finger and thumb to guide her chin up to meet smoothly with his mouth. Walking them back Erwin held his arm in place to create a cushion between {Name}'s back and the sink edge, the other hand holding one side of her face {Name} flowed smoothly into the kiss.

Arms pinned at Erwin's chest, the fingers curled into the front of his shirt, forcing him closer her legs parted when Erwin's leg pushed forward to keep his balance. Letting up on the pressure to allow {Name}'s arms to move freely her hands tugged the shirt out of where it was tucked in his trousers when Erwin's hands transferred to hook under each of her thighs.

Wrapping her legs around Erwin's hips when he lifted her both arms reached up to cross at the back of his neck. Their mouths not once breaking {Name} found herself more focused on Erwin than she had been the first time. The adrenaline rush, and derailed emotions that played an essential part in the first time they'd slept together, none of that was present this time around.

{Name} was moving on desire and want, rather than the heat of the moment.

Slid onto the edge of the kitchen table {Name} dropped a hand to support herself when Erwin pushed up between her thighs, one hand remaining at the back of his neck, their lips parted briefly. Breath panting {Name} loosened the hold on Erwin's hips, bringing her body to an upright position one foot rested on a chair. The other hand finding Erwin's belt {Name} moaned softly when he pressed a hand between her legs, back arching forward eagerly at the contact their mouths came back together.

Fingers fumbling with the belt that was restricting Erwin a sharp inhale broke apart their mouths when the hand that had been working over the top of her trousers slipped inside them. Head dropping to Erwin's shoulder {Name} finally undone the buckle of the belt, the hem loosened she hooked three of her fingers as the index and thumb undid the button.

Slipping a hand into the trousers, Erwin forced their mouths back together when a moan rumbled in his throat.

 


	26. Chapter 26

_ "Something smells good." _

In alarm {Name} shoved Erwin back, a foot catching between his legs he doubled over as {Name} tripped off the edge of the table.

In a less than graceful fall {Name} landed on her hands and knees beside Erwin. With a strained breath, Erwin made use of the accidental shot {Name} had taken to do the belt back up, his hands tucking the shirt back in.

_"Erwin?"_ The voice thick with sleep Nile addressed his stiff-jawed superior. Still crouched behind the table {Name}'s face was heated in a mixture of excitement and embarrassment.

If {Name} stood up from where she was, it would be impossible to explain away what they'd attempted to do, as it would like as though something entirely different was underway.

Reading the situation a little more calmly than {Name} a hand motioned Nile back out the room _"Go wake everyone."_ Able to remain collected Erwin waited for Nile to slope back out of the kitchen before his other hand gave {Name} the signal that she was free to stand up.

Clambering to her feet Erwin aided by cupping a hand under an elbow.

Not quite meeting Erwin's gaze {Name} tried to retreat, the hand still at her arm pulling {Name} back Erwin placed a gentle kiss on her _"I'm keeping a tally of each hit you take at me,"_ Sounding amused by her panicked escape from their failed attempt, it made {Name}'s skin flush a second time _"Let us keep it out of double figures."_ Whispering quietly Erwin released the hold, stepping to the sink as a hand ran over his cheek that still held remnants of the cake mixture a cloth was used to remove it.

A subtle smile toying at the corner of her mouth {Name} clapped her hands together, close to running around the table she rushed to the stove. Bending to open the door {Name} crouched quickly, a relieved breath blew out at not finding them burnt {Name} picked up a towel, removing one of the trays as the tired men started filtering through the kitchen door.

Grumbles and complaints switching to happier mumbling {Name} smiled when a few of the men tried to pick at the tray freshly from the oven. Dropping them just as quickly to blow at their burning fingers {Name} slapped them away, telling them to take seats and wait.

In time, and with Erd's assistance the table filled with {Name}'s hours of hard work. Pastries and bread, cakes and savoury nibbles placed neatly on plates, Armin and Eren handled making tea and coffee pots.

Taking a seat with the men for the first time during a meal {Name} listened quietly as the men piled up their plates, excited chatter zig-zagging across the table it was broken up on occasion with laughter.

It was not exactly the Christmas {Name} expected, or the one she'd even hoped for, but it was theirs, and to see them smiling and happy, made {Name} feel at peace with the direction her life was going.

Even if it was only a naive thought, it was enough for {Name} at that moment to have one day away from the gloomy and oppressed atmosphere that had filled the cottage for weeks.

Breaking out of her thoughts when the men fell silent {Name} blinked when she found them all looking at her.

_"To Fraulein,"_ Reiner raised his coffee cup in place of a wine glass to make the toast _"For making this Christmas special."_

With their teas and coffees raised, they all gave a cheer of agreement, proceeding it with a _"Merry Christmas."_ Before resuming their hearty breakfast.

Hiding a smile by taking a sip of her coffee {Name} shifted in her chair when a hand tapped at her back. Facing Erwin, a painful lurch stopped her heart beating for a few long, and agonising seconds. Dangling between his fingers was the chain he'd taken from her the night she'd attempted her second escape, spinning back and forward at the bottom of the chain was Levi's wedding ring.

Taking one of {Name}'s hands, Erwin lowered the chain into the open palm _"Fröhliche Weihnachten."_ Keeping his voice low Erwin pushed {Name}'s fingers to close around the chain, his thumb lightly brushing over the indent created by her own, now absent, wedding rings a mixed smile spread his mouth.

_"I noticed you'd taken them off,"_ sitting back Erwin picked up his coffee _"Thank you."_ With a slow sip {Name} could only stare at him in return, unsure as to why he was thanking her for removing the rings.

Placing the cup back down Erwin looked up the table for a moment, no one appeared to be paying them any attention, too busy stuffing their faces; it seemed to relax Erwin.

Flicking his gaze back to meet {Name}'s a slow, laconic blink softened Erwin's face, a rare display of warmth taking away the cold edge in his eyes.

_"After this is over,"_ lowering his voice Erwin leant against {Name}'s side, an arm reaching to one of the plates he used the opportunity the closeness it brought to whisper in her ear _"I want that hand to wear the ring I will buy for you."_

Sliding back into his chair Erwin calmly pulled the pastry apart, as {Name} tried to process what Erwin had told her.

Unless {Name} was honestly mistaken, Erwin had just proposed.

 


	27. Chapter 27

Tugging on the reins to keep Farlan still he scratched a hoof on the slowly melting snow, a whinny of impatience following. Waiting for the men to organise themselves and speak one at a time {Name} sighed as they continued to ramble over each other until a sharp whistle made them fall silent.

_"That's better,"_ Mike mumbled from the back, his height allowing him a clear view to where {Name} returned a thankful smile.

With their group fluctuating in size {Name} needed to head back into the village to restock on food and other necessities. That morning when {Name} mentioned that she'd be leaving, the men took it upon themselves to attempt to give a shopping list. Following {Name} out to Farlan who'd been saddled up by Erd - she'd finally told him that Farlan biting him was a good thing - they'd continued to pester and ask for things. Beer being the top on their list so far, {Name} could barely get a word in, and so had sat quietly.

All eyes on Mike it gave {Name} the opening that she'd needed. Two quick digs to Farlan's side and they set off in a gentle gallop, a hand up and waving as the men cried out a look over the shoulder made {Name} laugh. Mike was backing up to the cottage, hands up as the men threw blame at him for {Name}'s escape without their requests.

Once past the barn {Name} looked back, focusing on the path ahead. With the snow melting it made it slippery underfoot, and though she had faith in Farlan, she did not want to rely too heavily on him.

Unlike the last time, the village was busier, and it did not take long to find out why. Moving along the winding paths were men in uniform. Some it looked were visiting their wives, as one or two were almost bowled over by the excited women leaping at them, the others merely stopping by with their units.

The concern was that there was many of them.

Turning in a slow circle {Name} could only hope that there was a little more faith in her, and no one was sent to keep an eye on her movements. It was a nerve-wracking enough situation when Olou turned up, to try and keep her calm when they'd be walking into a potential death trap? {Name} was sure her heart would give out from the stress.

Keeping to the edge of the bustle of bodies {Name} kept an eye out, what for she wasn't exactly sure, but she felt tense, and on edge. It felt as though something wasn't quite right, and a turn into the village square answered what it was within seconds.

Tied up, and back to back were two men. They looked dull and defeated, they were not fighting against the restraints, though it would have been pointless to do so.

The grey of their uniforms was similar, though the cut and lacking insignia on the collar told {Name} they were not from Erwin's group. They were mere foot soldiers.

Packed into the back of a vehicle {Name} caught their eyes. Red and haunted, the men knew that wherever they were being taken, would be their final destination. From the talking around {Name} it looked as though the men were caught up on the border, their unit wiped out the soldiers had surrendered. Handing themselves over to be prisoners of war, it looked as though they were going to be carted off to a military base for questioning.

Moving to where the crowd was thinner {Name} felt something firm hit against her side. Spinning to the ground {Name}'s leg kicked out at the person, toppling the larger body to the side {Name} rolled quickly to sit on the man's back. One arm around the throat one hand gripped the wrist to keep a firm hold.

_"We're not kids anymore you prat!"_ Close to shouting at Olou his hand beat at the tarmac to signal he gave up. One more firm pull at Olou's neck {Name} crawled off him, Olou coughing and spluttering beside her a hand patted his back.

Red-faced, and eyes watering Olou eventually was able to breathe properly, dropping back to sit on his legs a proud and beaming smile met {Name}'s deadpan face _"I would have had you, but I went easy."_ Boasting that he'd been gentle with {Name} a scoffing laugh was returned, Olou's wounded pride dangling {Name} chose not to give it the final push _"Yeah, I thought you were."_

Dropping like Olou to sit on her legs {Name} nudged her head towards the vehicle holding the two captives _"What happened there?"_ Brushing the dirt from her trousers {Name} accepted the hand up that Olou offered.

Patting the dirt from each other's back Olou relayed what he knew of the situation. A small break in the defence allowed the Germans to attempt a push through the French lines, but it was thwarted by a quick recuperation. The two men the only ones who'd not been killed, and failed to retreat to the safety of their lines, they'd given themselves up.

Humming {Name} folded her arms _"So they will basically be tortured for what they know then."_ Oddly bitter {Name} caught herself before drawing Olou's suspicion _"Serves them right."_ With a frown {Name} shook her head, the idea that she was sympathising with them throwing her through a loop {Name} nearly fell when Olou clapped a hand down on a shoulder _"Cheer up; we'll chase them back!"_ Once more speaking with pride and unwavering faith Olou stood straight, before joining the other soldiers in their less than pleasant jeers aimed at the two enemy soldiers.

Perplexed by the whole situation {Name} eventually dug an elbow into Olou's side _"How long are you here?"_ Though torn by the distasteful scene {Name} was happy with the opportunity to speak freely with Olou _"Just until this evening."_ Answering Olou nudged his head towards a small tea shop _"Let's sit down."_ Taking lead Olou held the door open for {Name},

a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth a playful curtsy was given when Olou bowed over exaggeratedly.

Laughing the two took a table at the back of the tea room, ordering their drinks they settled in their seats.

Stealing a cigarette from the packet in the breast pocket of Olou's uniform {Name} took a deep, silent inhale. There was so much {Name} wanted to tell Olou, but that she couldn't. The idea Olou would abandon her sent a sharp piercing pain through her chest. Not being related by blood was never an issue, Olou was her brother. An idiotic, pride riddled, and boastful without reason man, she still adored him despite the flaws.

Olou was there, without prejudice when {Name} didn't have a clue who she was. Guiding and teaching {Name} things she'd forgotten and things she did not know, Olou was her rock, always had been.

_"I was going to come up and see you, alone this time,"_ Olou spoke, oblivious to {Name}'s inner turmoil "But you saved me that trip." Laughing loudly, and quite obnoxiously it made {Name} smile _"Ah, yes about that last visit."_ Recalling the unpleasant visit {Name} reached across the table, index finger repeatedly jabbing at his forehead _"Who the hell calls at five in the morning with half an army?!"_ Expressing disdain for the less than pleasant visit {Name} sat back from the assault on Olou's forehead when the waitress brought their drinks.

Mouth puffed with air Olou rubbed at the reddening spot on his head _"It was my only chance to see you,"_ Defending himself, Olou sagged down in the chair _"I was also meant to pass on a message, which I forgot."_ Looking off to the side both eyes narrowed a fraction, though {Name}'s hand slapping on the table brought him back to focusing on her _"Ah right, right."_ Reaching inside the uniform jacket Olou retrieved a thick envelope, sliding it across the table a smile turned up the corners of his mouth _"They're worried."_

Taking the letter {Name} smiled at the neat and pretty cursive that adorned the front of the letter. Their mother always had beautiful handwriting; it used to make {Name} envious, as her own handwriting was never great. Apparently, according to their father, her handwriting was far worse than a doctors when she was younger, but she'd practiced until it became the fluid and smooth writing that {Name} loved.

Placing the letter in her jacket pocket {Name} took a sip of her tea _"How are they?"_ Glancing over the rim of the cup {Name} watched Olou beam brightly _"They're in fine health and still nag as much as they used too."_

Sharing a laugh at the memories {Name} sat back in the chair _"How is Petra?"_

Asking after Olou's wife she couldn't help the jealousy when Olou's eyes ignited with adoration at the mention of the petite red headed woman he'd married _"Wonderful! Simply wonderful."_ Speaking of his love for the woman {Name} laughed gently when Olou mentioned that she did not appreciate his mimicking of Levi's attitude _"Still the same then."_ Sighing {Name} rested her cheek in an open palm, the fingers scratching at her neck her eyes closed for a second.

The memory of introducing Levi to Olou and her parents playing behind her eyelids creating a broad smile, it also brought forward a longing ache.

Having accepted Erwin's confession, it did not mean she'd just forgotten Levi. The two men were polar opposites, and at times {Name} was reminded of it painfully. It was not as though Erwin and {Name} could move freely. Even though {Name} suspected the men knew something was going on between Erwin and herself, they never said anything, and they kept things on the quiet their side.

Blinking away the collection of tears when Olou gave the hand beside her teacup a squeeze {Name} brushed off his apology _"I'm fine."_ It was not entirely a lie, but neither a wholesome truth.

Reminiscing on their childhood together it left {Name}'s sides aching from laughing. Recalling the often stupid, and mischievous things the two would get up to, had them roaring, and at points unable to breathe, drawing suspicious glances from the other patrons of the tea shop.

It left {Name} feeling fuzzy and warm, and her cheeks aching from the non-stop smiling she'd done _"Ah, if things were still that easy."_

Calmed to an occasional titter, they sighed quietly _"I want this to be over quickly."_ Whispering against the rim of the teacup {Name} looked up at Olou when he agreed _"I hope it is too."_

Finishing up their tea they left the tea shop, the vehicle which had been the centre of attention absent {Name} frowned. Enemy or not, the men must have been terrified of what was no doubt going to be a horrific experience.

Looking to Olou when he tapped her shoulder a sad smile stretched her mouth, Olou was leaving, again _"Come home."_ Whispering into his shoulder as they hugged each other tightly Olou gave {Name} a pat on the back _"I will."_

Waving after Olou a second was needed to remind {Name} of her purpose of being in the village. Time having ticked by, the shops were going to close in an hour. With a little time {Name} moved against the soldiers preparing to leave, head down and lost in thought {Name} bristled, the feeling of being watched setting the hairs at the back of her neck on end, a scoping glance was thrown around the village square.

Small beady eyes, and a knowing smile greeting {Name} a polite wave was offered to the man. Olou's commanding officer returning an overly happy wave, he disappeared into the crowd.

Brows knitting {Name} was unsure whether his disappearance was a good thing.

No time to spare on thinking over it {Name} returned to her original reason for being in the village.

Tugging on the rope to assure the bags were secured {Name} hoisted herself onto Farlan, the reins are given a gentle tug they set off at a gentle trot.

Having hung back a little longer to ascertain the direction of the French soldiers were heading {Name} was put at ease to find they were going in the opposite direction to the farm. Relaxing {Name} decided to enjoy the slow trot back home, the sun blurring into the horizon she'd be home just as night fell.

Farlan's calm movements pushed the thick letter in the coat pocket against {Name}'s side, reminding her that it was there she released a hand from the reins to retrieve it.

The thick canopy of the trees that hung over the dirt path blocking out most of the fading sunlight it forced {Name} to squint at the lettering, a thumb dragging over the neat ink {Name}'s hand was suddenly empty.

Blinking her fingers wriggled in the absence of the weight. Twisting in the saddle to check the floor {Name} almost slipped off the other side when two blue eyes stared up from the shadows.

Gripping the reins tightly to bring Farlan back under control {Name} was forced to circle Erwin as Farlan's head bobbed up and down, unhappy with her startled shout.

Watching the letter flick between gloved fingers {Name} refrained from trying to snatch it back. Farlan was upset as it was, he'd likely throw her off if she distressed him further _"That's mine!"_ Annoyed {Name} brought Farlan to walk beside Erwin _"Give it here."_ Hand out and waiting {Name}'s teeth ground when Erwin pocketed it.

_"Who was that?"_ Side glancing Erwin brushed the back of a hand down Farlan's mane, soothing the neighing steed.

Almost like deja-vu {Name} sat back in the saddle, a smile crossing her mouth. Of course, Erwin never saw Olou when he'd arrived at the cottage, leaving the man she'd spent the best part of the day with a mystery to him.

_"Olou Bossard,"_ Answering with a tint of amusement {Name} leant forward in the saddle _"My brother. Now, letter."_ Hand out again {Name}'s fingers made a gripping motion _"And don't think I missed you sitting in the tea shop, creep!_ " Calling him out for following her again, she refrained from outright shouting at him for the stupidity of his actions. The village was overrun by French soldiers, and though Erwin was wearing civilian clothes, one slip up could have been costly.

Apparently displeased by the response Erwin kept a hold on the letter _"You can wipe that smile off,"_ giving {Name} a hardened stare Erwin brought the hand back from stroking Farlan to flick at her thigh _"I wasn't jealous."_ Speaking firmly on the matter Erwin looked away when {Name}'s smile grew wider.

Accepting that {Name} was not going to get the letter back just yet she sat back in the saddle _"If you say so,"_ Speaking in a sing-song voice {Name} took a foot from the stirrup on Erwin's side, pushing the boot against his shoulder to get his attention back, her expression calmed _"That letter is from my parents, please give it back."_

With another attempt {Name}'s hand reached out to Erwin, his own going into the pocket he'd stored the letter within, the other closed around the wrist of {Name}'s outstretched arm. Far smoother, and kinder than the first time he'd pulled her off Farlan's back Erwin wrapped an arm around her when {Name} fell against him.

Surprised {Name}'s arms instinctively clung to Erwin's shoulders, the knees pressing in above his narrow hips {Name} took a moment to realise that she was not going to fall.

Holding onto Erwin like a frightened child {Name} went to drop her legs, except Erwin stopped her from doing so when his hands dropped to secure them.

Tipping back her head {Name} met Erwin's gaze, it is hard to discern the face he was pulling in the low light _"You're not cute. Put me down."_

Regretting the words instantly, the arms keeping her latched to Erwin flailed when he dropped her. Rear hitting the dirt path, a dull throbbing pain spread up the lower half of her back.

Farlan side stepping out of {Name}'s way when she rolled onto her side a leg kicked out at Erwin. Clipping the shin of his leg, it barely ruffled Erwin, hand raised to cover the laugh that rumbled in his chest {Name} crawled onto all fours _"I said put me down, not drop."_ Whining a hand massaged at the spot she'd landed on, on her back. Pressing back against her thighs {Name} sat up when Erwin moved to keep Farlan from trotting off.

_"You weren't specific,"_ Circling Farlan back Erwin held out a hand to {Name}, with some deliberation she watched Erwin's legs stiffen, predicting she'd attempt to drag him down she reluctantly placed a hand in his.

Standing again {Name} swiped back the hand, brushing off the dirt a chill ran up her spine from the wet patches on her clothes. Tucking both hands under her arms {Name} glared up as Erwin calmly and somewhat innocently stroked down Farlan's nose.

Walking side by side they remained in silence for the best part of the walk, taking the lead through the man made path of the woodland that surrounded the farm {Name} stopped when Erwin gently gripped her arm. Turning halfway {Name} tilted her head when Erwin stared silently at her, a slow arch forming in her brow when he remained silent {Name} was ready to shake off his hold when his mouth parted.

_"Ich liebe dich."_ Barely above a whisper, the words were almost lost in the breeze.

Erwin had told {Name} how he felt about her, but never outright said the three little words. Reverting to his own tongue to say it, it took {Name} a moment to translate it in her head.

Searching Erwin's face in the moonlight breaking through the bare trees {Name} couldn't find any sign that it was merely said for the sake of saying it. In time the grip at her arm was removed, the hand reaching to the back of {Name}'s neck Erwin pulled her in for a light kiss _"I will say it as many times as I need to, for you to believe me,"_ Continuing in the barely there whisper Erwin parted their kiss _"I may not be able to show it now, but I do."_

Left in an almost stupor at the turnaround in Erwin's behaviour {Name} wasn't sure if she liked it or not. The Erwin that she'd come to know was not soft, or even the slightest bit romantically inclined. It was not long ago that he'd pulled {Name} off Farlan, then dropped her without a hint of remorse.

Fingers skimming the underside of Erwin's jaw {Name} narrowed her gaze at him, trying to find anything to suggest that Erwin was merely playing with her again. Again, {Name} found nothing to say that Erwin was not sincere "I do believe you."

Choosing not to say it back, {Name} caught the disappointment in the movement of Erwin's jaw, having managed to keep it from showing on his face, the tensing of the muscles around his jaw gave it away _"I'm still mad at you for dropping me,"_

Resuming to walk {Name} kept the smile hidden _"And for not giving the letter back, so don't expect anything of me,"_ Outright avoiding that she was going to reply the three small, but powerful words, it gave {Name} delight to feel like she had one up on Erwin.

Refraining from skipping {Name} gave a smile over the shoulder when Erwin made a breathy, disbelieving laugh. Tugging on the reins they continued on up to the cottage, pausing at the barn to return Farlan the shopping was left beside the door.

A quick pull on Erwin's arm bringing him closer {Name} pressed up on her toes, their mouths connecting they stumbled blindly back into the shadowy area of the barn, clothing discarded on the way, {Name} dropped when the backs of her legs hit against a straw bale. A single hand on the back of Erwin's neck, he followed her down.

Knowing the chances of being found, or interrupted were close to none they took their time exploring one another's bodies until the desired position was found.

Fingers poking and prodding at Erwin's hand she raised her head from his chest, supporting herself on one arm {Name} gazed up at him. With one arm wrapped around her, the other she'd been playing with moved to create a rest for his head. Hair at some point falling out of its neat parting, it fell over his forehead messily, almost transforming his appearance _"Erwin?"_ Laying her head back down when Erwin looked down {Name} ran the tip of her tongue in the gap between her teeth, a nervousness taking over, it forced her to swallow the excessive saliva filling her mouth.

_"Je t'aime aussi."_ Facing away from Erwin a hand came to grip the chain dangling from her neck, fingers closing around the ring {Name} took a slow breath. Until that moment, Levi had been the only man she'd uttered the words too, and though she meant them, it felt strange to say it to another.

The arm wrapped around {Name} gripped her side, bringing her closer as Erwin rolled onto his side. Held tight to Erwin's chest a gentle kiss was placed on her forehead, the fingers still closed around Levi's wedding ring releasing to trace Erwin's chest {Name} hid the tears that threatened to spill by burying her head under Erwin's chin.

A part of {Name} felt guilty for finally admitting out loud how she felt, the other relieved that it was finally voiced.

Either way, it could not easily be retracted, {Name} could no longer take back the words, and although conflicted, she didn't want to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this, 
> 
> xoxo


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